Tattooed Tears (A Jack Gilinsky Fanfiction) ❤︎

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Metanoia- (n.) To change ones mind, heart, self, or way of life.

*Jack's POV*

This is not how I dreamed of it.

When I thought of telling Dani that I love her, I thought it was going to be like it the movies. Where she jumps up on me and wraps her legs around me, kissing me and telling me that she loves me too.

But that's not at all what happened.

Everything was going fine. She went home with me. She witnessed my home life. She cared about me. She was my best friend.

I can't tell if I'm upset that she ran out on me telling her that I love her, or if I more just confused. Like, of course I'm upset. I just declared my love for someone who ran out. I've never met anyone like her. I've never felt love before, but this is it, I know it. When she left, my heart shattered into 600 million pieces. And I'm not exaggerating. I could feel it. I felt the sadness. It reminded me of all my problems with my dad. When I was sad when he would screw up all of our lives. I have the same sadness in my heart that I did then.

But I'm also confused. Why did she leave? Things were going so great between us. When I would flirt with her, she would flirt back. She would smile when I made funny comments. She slept in my bed with me. I can't make out why she left.

Did I scare her? Is it too soon? I've known her for about 8 months, it doesn't seem like it's too soon.

I lay here, my guitar on my chest, wrapped up in my blanket and thinking. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have waited.

I put this on myself. I hurt myself. I told her I love her. And even if that is true, I ruined everything.

Will she ever talk to me again? Will she ever look at me, or be my friend still?

Can I fix this?

Yes, I can. I have no idea in hell how to do so, but I know that I will. Because ever since I got close to her, I started to put the pieces together. I know what she's afraid of.

It was love. She is afraid of it. She was afraid to love. She was the type to like things concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. And that's why I think she struggles with love. She couldn't touch it, so she doesn't know it's there. And I'm destined to make her touch it. To show her that it's okay to love someone again.

To love me.

Someone in her past hurt her. I can see that. I might be bad at English, but I'm not bad at noticing fake smiles. I fake smiled my way through childhood.

When I would ask Dani what her life back in Chicago was like, her face would drop. She held her breath and made something up. That it was 'good' and 'normal'. But that's only as far as she would say about it. I know she was lying. But this isn't the kind of lie that you get mad at someone for doing. It's the kind that you figure out, and solve it. You help them. If I had someone to help me when I was suffering, I would have been the happiest person in the whole world. But I didn't, which is why I will help someone when I see that they are not okay. And I know that Dani is not okay.

I told her that I love her.

When someone tells you that, you don't freak out the way she did. That's how you know that she means something. Every time I tried getting close to her, she pushed away. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot figure out who or what happened to her.

All I know is that I will NOT stop trying. I will not just shrug it off my shoulders and go find another girl.

Because when you find someone you truly love, you will do anything to keep them forever. I am going to fight. And I don't care if it takes a year. I will help her see that I will not hurt her. That I will protect and love her forever.