Tattooed Tears (A Jack Gilinsky Fanfiction) ❤︎

24

Philaphobia; (n.) fear of falling in love.

*Danielle's POV*

I cannot believe what I just did. 

I didn't mean to hurt him.  I definitely did not mean to do that. I just wanted to let him off easily, but that seemed to be the exact opposite of what actually happened.

I like Jack. A lot. A lot. But I can't like him the way I do and I know that. 

I never thought I would like someone again, but here I am. 

I met him and I thought, 'wow, he's cute.' Then I thought, 'I'm glad he's my friend.' And now I'm here thinking about my feelings for him?

I was hurt once and I will not be hurt again. Even if I changed my mind and said that I would, I know it would end badly. I have felt the way I feel about Jack a long time ago, with Billy. And take a look at how great that ended up. I will not be the victim again. And even though Jack is not Billy, boys still do the same thing. They break hearts. It's not hard to see. It's a cliche guy thing. They say they love you and that you're the only girl for them. And then they find another girl to love and it's all over. I don't have that strong of a heart. I do not want to be hurt. Because if I'm hurt again, I'll be hurt forever. If I can spare myself some pain, by all means, that is exactly what I am going to do.

I know I could have went easier on Jack. After all, he's been nothing but nice to me ever since I met him.  But maybe that's why he fell in love with me. Maybe I led him on.  

I don't know, I don't have the mind of a guy.

All I know is that one of my best friends just told me that they love me and I could do nothing but run away from him. 

I didn't know what to do and I panicked. I'm horrible.

So now I sit here, laying on my bed all alone, thinking and re-thinking. 

I ruined my friendship with him. He was brave enough to tell me everything he did and I just left him.

Now I feel like a bigger asshole than I already am. I'm sitting here complaining when Jack is the real victim here. He's the one hurting and I am feeling bad for myself.

I just wish everything was back to the way it was before. I wish Jack wouldn't have said anything about his feelings. It would've made things so much easier.

Jack is the sweetest guy in the world and I am not even kidding. He is actually the perfect guy. 

He can be with any girl that he wants. But he doesn't go around and do exactly that. He is sweet, caring, and the most incredible person I've ever met. 

I told him about my parents. I swore I would never tell anyone that. But I did. And he told me about his past. Maybe it is fate. Maybe he's right, it is meant to be. But that means nothing to me. Was it fate for my parents to die? Was it fate to be abused by Billy? No. Fate isn't real to me.

Two broken people meet and help fix each other's past. It sounds like a story.

I remembered all the good times with Jack. 

When he first bumped into me and knocked down all my pickles. Then he bumped into me again and he called me pickle girl. 

Or when he took me to the abandoned carnival rides and told me about him. When I first told him about my parents. 

When we went swimming and almost got caught by the cops.

I felt a tear drip own my face and slide down my wrist. I cuddled up on my bed and wrapped myself in a big fluffy blanket. 

I let the tears slip down my face as I came to the realization.  

A realization that I told myself would never come out of my mouth. 

A realization that hurts me to say, but I know that my heart isn't lying. The heart wants what it wants.

I realized that I am, too, in love with Jack Gilinsky.