Three years and 4 days ago was when my grandmother passed away from a car accident. It's been on my mind constantly lately. It's also been a rough week or so. Today I thought would be good because I was able to spend time with my man. I had a breakdown but then things were good. Later tonight I felt as though he was trying to control me, saying I can't go home and it felt like I was being guilted into staying longer. I do love him and greatly enjoy spending time with him. Maybe it's my fault, perhaps I've been distant lately without being aware of it. I don't mean to push him away at all. I don't know what to do with anything right now. I somewhat want to fall asleep and not have to wake up. Not die but just not be for a while. I don't want to think about what would happen if I didn't wake up. I just don't want to think, but my mind never stops. That is my problem. My only problem is that my mind never stops. I swear I'm going crazy, driven into my own downward spiral. If only I could stop thinking... Maybe it would all be okay and peace could be a reality...
