Being the youngest in my family I have always been treated like a child... well guess what... I'm 17 fucking years old and where I live you are an adult at 18. I'm tired of being treated like shit and I'm tired of not being allowed to do anything with my life. I am questioned for over half a fucking hour because I wanted to stay at a friends house. Where does she live? does she live in town? who are her parents? what are their names? where are you going? when will you study? and yet they still don't want me to leave because I have to drive for 2.5-3 hours.... I have my own damn car and I have been driving for 3 years already. The roads are fine. I'm just so fucking sick of being treated like a damn child. My mother hastles me to fucking shower. I shower daily. I'm just never allowed to be my own person... my parents will never let me go. I've come close to attempting suicide many fucking times and they weren't fully the reason, but they definately were parts of it. same with cutting. I've been so frustrated with how controlled my life was by them that the only control I felt I had was over cutting. I wanted to be clean from cutting till Christmas at least. it was a challenge to myself. well now Christmas is over and I've gone over a month and a half without cutting. it's killilng me. It's killing me too because it's Christmas and my grandma died a year ago, she is now somehow "replaced" by my grandfather's new wife. everything feels so empty. Also my boyfriend of a year tomorrow. has been gone for weeks already and will not be back for another week or so... I really feel as though I am dying... I feel so empty but I'm going to probably break down in tears and continue fighting as always. I need to fight so i can see him again... he is what I live for. He is my world, my life, my everything. He is the only one who treats me like a grown person. he treats me amazingly. like I actually matter. I miss him. but I need to keep fighting for him. he is the reason for me to still live. He saved my life so many times. and I personally fight against self harm every day because of him. I love him. He has saved me. He loves me.
