Relapse...

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A few days back I was struggling quite a bit with urges, they were almost constant. I figured I'd pull out my razor and look at it, that usually actually does help me.. But this time I went to open the paper it was in and a small piece of the blade had broken off and fallen out. I couldn't hold back the urges any more. So I made a couple small cuts but then I realized I couldn't stop. I felt as though it was the only thing that I could do. I went to the bathroom and let out the pain. Thankfully I was staying at a friends house who has also struggled with self harm. She came into where I was and held me, cried with me, calmed me down, and wrapped up my wounds. It was hard for me to tell my boyfriend that I had fallen back, especially since I had gone nearly 2 months without cutting. I knew though that he would want to know and that he would be supportive. He always is. Even though I knew he wasn't mad at me or anything I still felt as though I was letting him down. He supports me so well though and makes everything so much better. it's hard to keep trying to fight after a relapse since within minutes there's no proof you kept clean. Relapsing sucks, but the biggest thing to remember is that relapses happen and you have to continue fighting because one day you will no longer relapse ever again.

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