Fire enters, carrying a huge bucket of green acid on his back. Shard follows dragging a whole carton of chicken nuggets. But before the most handsome wolf can begin, he must break the fourth wall.
Fire: Welcome back, everyone! I may have, ahem, slightly failed last time, but-
Shard: *Coughs Loudly* Yeah, sure, slightly..
Fire: *Glares* I wouldn't have failed at all, if it hadn't be for you and your meddling flamethrower!
Sunny: *Enters* Ooh Chicken-Nuggets Chicken-Chicken-Chicken Nuggets
Shard: It was your idea!
Fire: Enough! It doesn't matter, we're going to start again this time, but with acid!!!!
Shard: *Face-Palms*
Fire: Your a wolf, we can't face palm.
Shard: *Face-paws*
Sunny: Ooh, Chicken Nuggets Chicken Chicken Nuggets! *Does the Chicken Dance and screams Nugget every five seconds*
Shard: *Face-paws* Is he dancing?
Fire: *Rolls eyes* Who cares! Now, with my new and improved plan, what could go wrong! Come on Shard, let's get this acid up on the tree so my master plan can unfold! *Climbs tree*
Shard: *Hurls Acid Up Tree* Physically, wolves shouldn't be able to do this, you know.
Fire: SHUT UP SHARD NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU OR YOUR DUMB PHYSICS
Shard: :0 Mean
Fire: Now, the plan is simple, but genius. We place the acid here, on this branch, and we shall lure the Alpha bellow with these Chicken Nuggets I got earlier and then, at the moment of triumph, pour the acid over him!
Sunny: Did someone say Chicken Nuggets?!?! *Continues doing chicken dance*
Shard: What is this?!? Wolves can't climb, wolves can't use acid, wolves don't eat chicken nuggets, wolves don't DANCE and-and oh my god.. *Has an Existential Crisis*
Fire: *Slaps* SNAP OUT OF IT, SHARD
Shard: WOLVES CAN'T SLAP EITHER! *Hyperventilates*
Fire: I have to do everything myself these days! *Climbs down tree and places Chicken Nuggets under acid*
Sunny: CHICKEN NUGGETS!!! *Runs over and starts stuffing himself with Chicken Nuggets*
Fire: Greedy Oaf..
Shard: I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO END THIS EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OF MINE! AHAH AHAHA!! READY
... AIM.. FIRE!!! AND YES THAT IS YOUR NAME!! *Pushes acid over onto Fire*
Fire: AHHHH!!! IT BURNS OH MY GOD IT BURNS!! *Slowly his fur starts to burn off*
Random Wolf Spectator: Hahhahahah rofl.. :D *Films* So putting this on WolfTube..
Fire: *Fur burns off completely until he is pink and hairless* OH MY WOLF I'M PINK
Random She-Wolf: Omg So Pretty! I love Pink!
Fire: AHHH AND I'M HAIRLESS AND NAKED.. AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Random She-Wolf: Eww, Gross! *Runs off*
Shard:HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAA!!!
Fire: *Screams like a girl and runs off to buy some magic hair grower*
Sunny: Chicken Nuggets?
Shard: T_T and that's all, folks!
Eventually, Shard leaves for a yoga session and a relaxing day in the spa, where after a large session of aromatherapy finally calms down and beats his existential crisis. Flame regrows his hair and cries himself to sleep, and all the wolves post his unfortunate nakedness to social media and Flame is publicly shamed.
~ Olivia
P.S I've never written a spoof before so hope this worked..
YOU ARE READING
100 Ways To Kill The Alpha
HumorWant to dominate your pack? Or want any tips on killing your alpha? Follow Fire and his journey of trying to kill the alpha! Although he may not succeed that doesn't stop him from trying.
