Forbidden Love

Pain

 "See I can't wake up, I'm living a nightmare that keeps playing over again. Locked in a room so hung up on you and you're cool with just being friends.
Left on the sidelines. Stuck at a red light.Waiting for my time"


"Why don't you love me?"   

 "Open up your heart tonight, you who never sees the truth"   

" I bite my tongue but I wanna scream out.
You could be with me now, but I'm stuck in the friend zone again and again, "   

"I want to tell all these things to Alex but I don't want her to disappear in my life.
The thought of her forever gone in my life is a million times painful. I can endure this unbearable pain as long as I can keep her close to me, even if it's just under the premise of friends. I'll just have to keep this feeling locked away. "I am so messed up. I was solo, Living YOLO 'Til she blew my mind."

 

Tears stream down my face again. I wallow silently in my room.
It's the first time I'm crying because of a woman. I'm not usually this type of guy, i always attract women.  They are usually attracted to me because of my good looks and my intelligence. They don't even know the real me. That's why I just ignore them.

 But right now, My heart feels like it is crushed into powder because of a woman whom I thought was a man.

I want to ask her, "why don't u love me?"

I knew the answer but I can't help asking it.
I want to escape reality.
The woman I love is in love with another woman. Alex is in love with Teresa. That's the most painful reality I want to forget.
Then, it suddenly occurred to me... 

Alex is a woman. "Does Teresa know Alex is not an anatomically male?"

I need to find out as soon as possible. After knowing this, I'll have to decide what to do next. And I fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning. Got up and exited my room.

"I looked inside Alex's room.

"Is Alex OK already?" I wonder

As I went to her room, I found it empty. 

"Where is she?" I said as I exited her room. 

I searched inside the condominium. 

"I hope he that he's already recovered."

Then I paused. "SHE!! I'm still not used to the pronoun!! All this time, I thought that the person I love is also a man. I am a fool!!!"  

As I walked and locate Alex, I saw him, no her. I gasped. Her hair is wet, she just took a bath. Her hair is sparkling. Damn it Ken!! And closed my mouth that has opened without me noticing.

"Good morning." she greeted me.

"Are you alright now? Have you recovered already?" I asked her. 

"Yeah, thanks to the medicine I took,." she replied.
And thanks dude too, for taking care of me last night and cooling my fever. "She added

And then I got flashback last night. I feel like my heart is breaking again. It hurts.
"Compose yourself!! Damn it Ken!!! "

"You should rest and not go to work" I said

"Oh come on dude, I need to work. I'm fine now. Now need to worry." She said.

"Dude", I said as I try my best to act normal. 

"You must rest, you just had a fever. You might overexert yourself. We're both doctors so we know that if a patient is ill, he must rest and fully recover first before working." I argued.

"Ok dude, you got me. I'm not gonna work today. I'm gonna need to recover since Teresa will arrive soon hahaha." She said excitedly.

I could've died there. It hurts so much I can barely breathe. I felt the tears welling in my eye again. "Don't fall!!, don't fall!!!" and I looked up to prevent them from streaming down my face.

"Pull yourself together ken!!" "Stop being so emotional!!!!!!"

"Good." I replied briefly as I tried so hard to fucking compose myself. I hope she doesn't notice the pain in my voice. The sound of my voice like I am gonna cry anytime soon. My voice breaking must not be noticed!!!

I took a deep breath and turn my back on him so that he can't See Me wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. 

I turned to face her again.

"Good. Now you must rest. I'm gonna cook porridge for you." I said and started going to the kitchen. Any more of this and I'm gonna breakdown. I need to cool myself.