Forbidden Love

Anaesthesia

Months have passed and I struggled to hide my feelings for Alex.

"Day by day my feelings for her grew."

" I love her more every second that we spent time with each other.
My feelings for her are overflowing. I feel like I can't breathe.
I feel like someone is choking me. No matter how hard I tried, I don't think that I can contain this feeling any longer. "
"I struggled hard in keeping my promise to Teresa but I can't control myself any longer.
I love her."
"I can't restrain myself anymore."

One drunken night, when we Alex and I usually hang out at the bar.
I looked at her and I was astonished by the sight.

She looks stunning day by day. "How can a person be beautiful and handsome at the same time?" I asked myself

We talked and laugh and spent time as usual. Like the usual guy friends.

"Hey, Ken why are you still single?
Are you gay?" Alex joked

"Yes, at first I thought I am gay because of you. It's all your fault." I replied in my head.

"Hahahaha of course not." I replied

"I see hahaha. I hope you find a woman like I found my true love Teresa hahaha." Alex said.

"Yes, I found her but she is already taken."I said.

"What? But you said that you are busy with work? Who is she? Introduce her to me and Teresa, maybe we can help you out too." Alex stated.

"Get a clue! I am in love with you, Alex!" I screamed in my thoughts

"Don't bother. She already loves someone else." I said flatly.

"I see. Sorry dude." Alex replied

"Yeah. It's ok. Thanks for the thought." I lied and stared at her.

She is so attractive. I cannot fight this feeling any longer.

I moved my face closer to her, inch by inch until I got close enough and closed my eyes to kiss her lips.

But the sensation is different from what I expected. I felt a sharp pain and my lips started feeling wet. I touched the liquid that is dripping from my lips and looked at my hand.
I saw my blood. My lips busted.

It dawned on me that Alex punched me.

She stood up and shouted angrily.

"What the fuck is wrong with you dude?!?" She shouted

"Ssssssorry, it's the alcohol." I stuttered as I tried speaking with a busted lip. Alex punched me real good.

"Well, fucking stop that." Alex said and left the bar and left me all alone with a busted lip.

"Damn, after I tried so hard to be with her as a friend. I clenched my fists so hard. Now I am gonna lose her even as a friend. I cried so hard at the thought. I love her so much and now she won't be with me even as her friend. Tears stream down on my face."

I love her so much it hurts. The excruciating pain is so much for me to bear. My face hurts from her punch but my heart hurts more.

I need your love. I need it when it hurts me. I won't give up. love you, need you.

I need you here to stay. Girl ,you're on my mind like 24/7
Every single time that I'm not with you 
If you spend the night, baby it could be heaven
Hit me on my line if you're tryna come through

I feel my heartbeat bumpin' to the bass 
She gives me butterflies and they won't go away.  I'd like to give you what you need. I try but you're makin' it hard for me.

How do I make you believe?How do I make you know?
Cause I love you, need you, need you here to stay. Every time you're distant, girl somethin' is missin'

And wish that I could fix it, I wish things were different . 

We one and one, both one of ones, and when you put the twos together

That's not twenty-two, it's forever, I promise 20-20 couldn't even make it clearer

I swear 

I ordered again and grabbed the ice cube from the drink and placed it on my busted lip to stop the swelling and bleeding.

I drank until I passed out. I tried to forget everything. The pain. My feelings for her. I want to be numb. If only I can use the anesthesia to numb the pain in my heart. How I wish there is an anesthesia for heartache.