Beyond Me. {Haylor}

Chapter Four.

My fingers dig into the countertop, tears dripping into the sink. A knock on the door grabs my attention as I suck up my sobs. I turn to look away as the door opens, but instead of some stranger, it's Caitlin. I sigh with relief as I fall into my best friends arms. "Baby girl." She soothes me as If I was her daughter, going through her first heartbreak. Cait holds me in her arms as my sobs break free. Tears made of some weird emotions I'm not sure of. When I feel like I can gain my composure, I let go and wipe the messy makeup from under my eyes. She takes my hand and whispers: let's talk about what just happened.

"I have no idea why I did that." The words run out before I even know what I'm saying. "Like he proposed and something took over and I don't understand what."

"Harry didn't mean to hurt you." She whispers, her tone soft yet confused.

"Oh my god." Another thing occurs to me. Harry. I just ran out on my boyfriend after he proposes. My god. This causes tears to fall once again as I manage to form words. "I-I didn't mean to hu-urt him."

She leans back from me, pulling tissues from the counter and dabbing my eyes. "Do you not want to be with Harry? We all thought you loved him."

"I-I do!" My tears are the reason for my stutter.

"Then why'd you run out like that?"
I have absolutely no idea what had just went on and why on earth I ran out like that. Harry must be crushed. He totally gave me hints. More than once, and I played on with him. Stupid me. I loved Harry with every single part of me. My mind, my body, everything. He was my everything. My heart went racing at the thought of loosing him. The thought of losing the perfect boyfriend. I backed into the bathroom wall, my head in my hands. Hands simultaneously running through my hair. What on earth did I do.

We're joined by someone else, I can tell because caitlin becomes very uncomfortable but I still don't look up. She stands and I hear the door close. Confused as to why Caitlin would leave me on the floor or a bathroom with no one but a stran-

"Babe,"

Harry.

I look up, Harry's eyes are red. He hadn't been crying, but he had wanted to. His strong build is towering over me and it makes me feel even smaller after all I've done to him. He kneels down and grasps me in his arms. The sobs start again and I fall into his lap scrambling for his warmth. His hands swirl their way around my back until I'm calmed to the most I could be. "I'm so sor-" I whisper but he cuts me off.

"You shouldn't be sorry. That's me. This was my fault." I look up at him. "I'm so sorry, I should've talked to you about it first. This... Plan... Surprise... Was in affect long before you knew. And I know you don't like these kinda surprises. I should've told you." I'm at a loss for words as I look up at my brown haired shaggy boy. My fingertips touch his jaw and he holds my hand there. "There's more to it than just that... Isn't there." He questions me.

My voice becomes hoarse and I choke, "I don't know." My words fumble. He swallows hard and it makes me uneasy. "I just... Harry I'm not ready to be married. I mean, we have never even talked about this stuff seriously. I love you with all my heart and then some but do you really think we're ready?" Harry takes a deep breathe, nodding. Some sign of agreeing maybe. I have no idea. "I love you, Harry."

A smile turns at his lips as he looks into his lap, "I love you more, Taylor."
My hand sits in his and as he stands up, I follow. "If you're not ready, I understand." His lips touch my forehead with such Grace I hardly feel it.

"Are you mad?" I whisper.

He shakes his head. "No." Slowly he licks his lips, weighing his options about something. "How about we go straight back to the room. Play some music. Order pizza." I pull my lip back and nod. His smile is sweet, genuine and it makes me melt.

For the rest of the night, Harry and I sing each other love songs, acting as if nothing ever happened. He's ordered pizza, and being the person that he is, he's eaten over half. I finish playing Sweeter Than Fiction for him, a song I wrote which is to be single for the upcoming movie One Chance. I lean over my guitar, a smile spread across my lips. "Sooo?" I drag it out. "What do you think?!"

"One of your best." He smiles, taking my hands in his, moving the guitar to the floor. He guides me to his lap from the cross legged position we're in. There are candles lit around the room, a touch I had added earlier to calm the mood. Now it's turned into a romantic placement. I push him back, kissing him all over. I straddle his lap and his hands are at my lower back. His fingers that once laced up my dress, are now pulling it apart. The ribbons fall to my sides and I giggle as Harry nibbles at my bottom lip. I start to kiss his neck, unbuttoning his plaid shirt. In between these actions I sit up and my dress is ran loose. Harry moans my name, low and deep. Soon, his pants are removed, both of us hot and steamy. It's not long before we're caught up in the moment. His hands run down my midriff and I push them away. As much as I loved the feel of him, he didn't need to feel that area of me.

Harry's on top and he sits up for a moment. Both of us out of breath. He eyes me up and down, his hands running everywhere his lips wish to explore. Soon, I become my usual self, self conscious of every action. Maybe he was pointing every flaw out in his mind. The way I breathe too heavy, how tall I am. Maybe my boobs weren't big enough. My stomach not flat enough. But my thoughts are completely changed when Harry started exploring with his lips. Sounds coming from my mouth are cut off by Harry overlapping his lips on mine. With a simple unclipping my bra is removed and Harry smirks before matching his lips with mine.

We make love till both of us are sore and out of breath and can hardly breathe. Within each other's bare arms, we're lying on the floor. Covered only by the blanket that was once on the couch. My lips move up to meet Harry's but he's already half asleep. "I love you." My words come out lazily.

-Harry-

I wake up to the faint sound of crying. It takes me a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness at which I'm surrounded in. "Taylor, do you hear that?" I turn to where Taylor should be, but there's no sign of her. I jump up, realizing the bathroom light is seeping through the door frame. I don't even ask to come in before opening the door. What I see is terrifying and I rush to her need.

Taylor sits on her knees in front of the toilet in a pair of underwear and sports bra. It looks like she's way too used to this position. Her hair is thrown in some kind of messy bun. One hand is pushed back against the lid of the toilet seat, the other holds her chin up. "Taylor, oh my god." My eyes go wide.

She looks at me surprised, then in terror. Her eyes red and watery. The colour of her skin is a flushed tone of pink. "No!" She cries pushing down the leaver of the toilet, "you can't see me like this!" Taylor pushes herself from the toilet and she's leaning against the a opposing wall. I don't care what she says, she needs me right now, whether she knows it or not. Sweat beads down her forehead and I fall to my knees, pulling her into my lap, she struggles to accept it but she ends up doing so. "You weren't supposed to see me like this... Ever!" She whimpers as her eyes are squeezed shut but tears find their way through.

Why. That was my question. Why did she do this. Why would she even consider this. "I love you, Taylor. The way you are. But not like this. I don't want you doing this. You don't have to do this, ever. Not for anyone. Not for media, not for me, not for yourself. You're perfect." Tears prick the back of my eyes so I shut them, but all I see is the imagine of Taylor over the toilet moments ago.

She shakes her head, "no, Harry. I do. I have to do this. I have to do this to be perfect."

I'm sick to my own stomach at the thought. My lips touch her head as she starts to cry. She had talked to me about this before, but every time I would try to understand it, she would change the topic. It broke my heart that she couldn't see what I see, and what millions of others see. A beautiful girl. And if anything she is on the side of almost too skinny. I loved her so much, whether she accepted my proposal or not, and I didn't want her doing this stuff to herself. Although, it could've been worse, this wasn't something to take lightly. She was physically altering herself in unhealthy ways. "I want you to get help." I mumble but she looks up at me like I've accused her of some crime.

She shakes her head vigorously. "No! It's not like that!"

Her eyes are filled with tears. "Can't you see what you're doing to yourself?! This isn't healthy Taylor! You said you had quit years ago. Why'd you start back up?"

She swallows and she pushes herself from my lap. "It's not like that Harry." She mumbles, her hands pressing into the tile floor. Her spine curls as she leans against the wall.

"Then what's it like. Explain this too me."

Taylor takes a deep breath and she turns to me. "Because I never stopped." She stands, and walks tout of the bathroom, wiping her eyes.