Beyond Me. {Haylor}

Chapter Twenty.

"Harry, I don't know if I can do that." I whisper in shock at what his management is assuming we'll do.

"I know, but we have to try." He grasps my hand.

I huff which sends my bangs flying. "Let me get this right. They're giving you two weeks and then no more time until the week of the baby's due date. And for two weeks they want us in London, somewhat under the radar. And they want you in LA. Now?" He nods and my head falls to my hands. "This is gonna be impossible. I can't. No way. I have a tour and I've already canceled shows. I can't do that to my fans Harry." His arms wrap around my body as I start to weep. This wasn't happening. This was supposed to be a stressless visit. "What happens if we don't do it." My words shake through the sobs.

"I don't know." He says, rubbing my back but I have a feeling he does. Either way I'm not questioning it.

"I can't do it Harry, I'm sorry." I look up and catch my breath. "I've already disappointed my fans enough. Everyday that I have off I'll fly to you. We'll make it work that way." I say as an alternative.

"I can't believe they're doing this to us." He whispers, "I should just quit and end it all. We could get married and have the baby and until the tour is over I'll be like a stay at home dad. We could actually do this."

I am weighing my options, even now this far in. Harry doesn't get upset much. But today, it's different. And it's making me overly nervous and uneasy. "Ali, Harry. We can't just leave her hanging. They're depending on us." I pull back my bottom lip and rub my belly.

Harry takes a deep breath and nods his head. He frames my face in his hands and gives a gentle smile which leads to my lips pressing against his. I fall back in the bed, covered by nothing but the white sheet. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, alright?" He whispers.

"Yeah," I whisper back, refusing to look at him. "I love you."

"I love you more babe." Harry's lips touch my cheek then surprisingly my belly. He tucks me in and the room goes dark. I hear the door shut and like the echoing sound of the lock, my heart breaks.

I drag my fingers back and forth over my stomach. I guess it's just you and me babygirl...

•••

"So how long has it been?" Liz asks, carrying tea from the kitchen. My feet have been killing me for the past week and it's only getting worse.

"Three and a half weeks." I sigh, I knew this was going to be hard but I didn't think it would be this bad. Rylee told me I can't be flying as much as I would like to be.

Liz shakes her head, "how you so this I'll never know."

"I do it for the smiles front row and the cheering at the top of the bleachers."

She sips her tea as do I then laughs. "How you do it with baby, I'll never know."

My belly has seemed to grow even more in the past week and I'm constantly rubbing out of clothing to wear. The last three shows in Nashville were coming up within the week and how I was going to find fitting clothes was worrying me. Apparently they were getting them sent in from LA. I sip at the tea and lick my lips. "I'm so sick of being pregnant." I huff, thinking it and not really meaning to say it.

"Oh yeah?" Liz asks, "it'll be worth it in the end."

I shrug, "I don't know, Liz. I don't know if it will be worth it. She's going to Ali and Rob and they're going to be this cute little family. And they're going to be so happy and run off together and she's going to grow up in this bundle of a lie. Her mommy and daddy aren't her real mommy and daddy and she's never going to know that. And I'm going to have to live every single day not knowing if my daughter is walking or talking or is having boy problems or if she's getting into trouble. Do you know how much that upsets me?"

"Taylor," Liz says softly, putting her tea to the table then taking my hand. "I don't know of I'm misunderstanding or what but sweetie, it sounds like you want to drop out of the adoption."

"Honestly, Liz I don't know what I want. Theoretically, I could make it work. Harry and I could get married and take Ellie around with us on tour. But, Ali. She's so... Happy. And excited and I want her to be happy but at the same time, I've worked for this happiness my entire life. I deserve it too."

"Sweetie, I've seen you through a lot and I don't think I've ever seen you this frazzled." She sighs and tears come to my eyes. "What does Harry say?"

I wipe my tears, "he wants to keep her, and I don't know, maybe it's the idea of him being so hard that i want him here." I shrug, "this is just way too hard of a choice so I guess I just have to do what's set in ace.... Right?" My phone begins to ring and I'm cut off by it. I excuse myself from Liz and walk to the washroom. Harry's name shines from the screen as I swipe it open. "Hey Har." I mean for it to come out happy and excited, thrilled even. Instead, in comes out soft and insecure.

"How are you?"

"Fine, you?"

"Good! I miss you, what are you doing?"

"Being pregnant. You?"

He chuckles which makes my lips influence a smile. "Well I've got some time before a meet and greet and I just got out of the shower..." His voice trails off and I roll my eyes. "I've got a towel wrapped around my waist and I'm just lying on the bed, talking to my beautiful girl-"

I cut him off, "if you think we're having phone sex, it isn't happening."

"Yeah, didn't think so." He laughs, "I'm actually in jeans and a tee."

"I'm sure you are." I roll my eyes and drag my fingers over my stomach, sitting down at the side of the tub. "They're gonna take good care of her right?" I say not realizing.

"What?"

"Ellie... They're gonna take good care of her right?"

"Ali and Rob?"

"Ya, what do you think."

"I'm sure they're be great." He huffs. He's tired of the topic, I know that. For the past week I've been weighing my options. I want to be mother, so bad, I just don't know if I'm ready. For the past week I've been asking him the same questions. And it's always the same outcome. "Look Taylor, I'm not going to make you do something you don't want to do. This is completely and utterly up to you. Not me, not Ali, not your parents or Rylee. This is all on you. I've given you my input, numerous times. I love you, and the baby. But this is about what you want to do with your life..." He continues but my mind wanders else wear. Somewhere on it's own little adventure. My phone slides from my ear and I hang up, cutting is sweet voice off. I end up sitting in a puddle of my own tears. I feel lonely and helpless. I wanted to do so much, but how on earth could you ever break a promise like this one.