Beyond Me. {Haylor}

Chapter Seven.

I wake up with pain increasing in my stomach. Like some sort of twisting. Rylee warned me about this. Apparently they're just 'hunger pains.' I'm not trusting word on it though. The bedroom door opens up and Harry comes strolling in with a breakfast tray, smiling. "Good morning beautiful!" He welcomes me. I mumble back a groggy good morning and sit up, smiling right back as he places the tray over my legs. It's a sweet gesture, though I'm not so sure what do you with bacon, French fries, croissants and some kind of omelette. His lips press into mine, "you'll like it. I promise."

I look up from the platter of food, his smile is promising. "It's very sweet of you, Har, but you didn't have to do that." My fingers grasp around the mug of tea and take a sip. "I'm not feeling very good."

He shakes his head and laughs, his hair falling over his eyes. "It's like you don't think I know you at all. Come on now, Tay. You're eating for two now."

Harry was right, as much as I hated to admit defeat, he was right. I may not have wanted this baby, but someone out in the world did. And they were going to love it. In six months, it would have parents who love it. Unconditionally. Forever and always. My fingers grip the fork and I break away some of the omelette. "Thanks," I mumble, swallowing. He watches me eat for a few minutes and then catches me off guard.

"Are you scared?" He asks.

"Scared?"

"Yeah, scared."

I drop the fork and sit up straighter. "I don't really know." My lips become dry, so I lick them over. "It's more... Numb."

He nods and agrees. "How are we going to find people we know are going to take care of them."

"Rylee said she'd give my contact information to the Adoption Counsellor. It'll take flight from there. These families... Couples... They make these videos and books or scrapbook type things, and hand them over to an agency. They agency is in charge of consulting with the birth parents on finding a couple that is suitable to our needs. Just like how Catelynn and Tyler found Brandon and Theresa."

"Who found who now?"

I laugh, "teen mom. Anyway, it's only as hard as we make it. So if we are looking in the best interest of it, there shouldn't be a problem. I'm sure we can find a stable family that finds the child's needs." Harry nods in agreement. "How long are you gonna be staying?" I ask. I'm scared to go through this process alone if we're being honest.

"I've got a show next week. Why?"

"Well, Rylee's daughter's birthday is on Saturday, and I would like you to come."

"I don't know, Tay... That's not really my place." He seems down all of the sudden so I pick up a fry.

"I'll eat this if you come." I taunt with a wink, holding it up.

"No good." He makes motions toward the tray, "you eat this, and we can talk."

"Oh come on." I roll my eyes. "I'm never gonna be able to eat all this."

"I'm worried about you." He insisted and I feel a twist of pain rush through my body.

"Worried?"

He nods. "I can't get over that one night and I don't know, every night that I'm not with you, I'm a wreck. I can't sleep."

Quickly I change the subject by munching on a piece of perfectly fried bacon. To most this is a treat, to me it's near punishment. "You're right, Har, this sure is amazing!"

"How is it." He looks me in the eyes and I feel vulnerable.

"I-I just said it was amazing."

"Not the food, Taylor."

I blink a few times before putting the bacon down and moving the tray so I can sit up beside him. "You caught me at a really bad moment, babe. It's not always that aweful." I insist.

"When was the last..." He shrugs his shoulders, unsure of what to call 'it'. "Hit."

I press my lips together and count on my fingers. "Four or five days. Around there. It wasn't a bad one though, I promise. It was just some stupid thing that urged me." When I look at Harry he's got tears in the corner of his eyes. His cheeks are red. "It was fine, I'm fine!" I insist, wrapping my arms around him.

I don't think I've ever seen him like this. Sitting there, staring at me helplessly. Wearing his heart so far out on his sleeve I can nearly see it tearing. My heart breaks a little. "Your fingers..." He beings to whisper as he pulls my hand in his, "belong intertwined with mine. They are meant to brush the hair out of your eyes, to pluck on strings from your guitar. They're meant to hold a microphone and grasp hands while you stand on stage and perform. Your fingers are meant for twisting your lipstick before application. They were meant to colour in my tattoos while I'm sleeping and to trace my lips. They're meant for actions of love and pleasure. Not of pain nor sorrow. Your fingers belong laced in mine, not tunnelling down your throat."

It gets silent, and I'm so nervous I begin to shake. Tears fill his eyelids. I feel just as open as I did the night of the incident. Not ever has anyone known the depth of my disorder. Not many even know. For him to know terrified me. The fact that he was supportive of me, and wanted to help scared me even more. A tear drops from the corner of my eye and I squeeze them shut. "I never meant to hurt you like this." I whisper, setting my head on his shoulder and wrapping my arms around his.

"I can't stand the thought of you doing anything to harm yourself purposely." He huffs, pushing me away. "I want you to get help. Now is as good of time as any."

Help was a scary word. Help. Like, what kinda 'help' was I to get. I went to therapy when I was younger. It was to 'cleanse my mind.' It never did work. I left that office and never went back the moment she tried to get me to binge in front of her. Some psychotic crazy was what she was. But if it meant I was going to make Harry happy, then maybe I could try it. But first I had to fight my demons on my own. "I'll make you a deal." I whisper.

"What kind of deal."

"For every week full, you owe me a night."

"A night?"

"A date night. Just us two. We never do anything like that."

"What happens if you give in."

I licked my lips. "For every night I give in, after the tour, if I'm not healed, I'll go to therapy. I'll seek help in sessions."

"I only want what's best for you." He brings his hand to my face, pushing hair behind my ear and softly pacing a kiss at my lips.

"I know." I whisper. "But you have to be willing to help me.

If I need you, I need you. There isn't a way I'll be able to do this alone."

A half smile tugs his lips into a curve. "There's no way I could ever leave you alone."



A/N

Sorry this is so short!!! But it's about to get into the actual story now!!! So yay!!!
And tomorrow I have a family Christmas party so I may not be able to update til sunday!! Love ya!!!