Beyond Me. {Haylor}

Chapter Ten.

--Harry--

Silence. Complete and utter silence.

Taylor's head rests on my bare chest, her fingers running up and down creating paths. Her heartbeat pulsates into my side. I love when she's like this. Quiet and peaceful. When she's not stressed or going off on some rant about something that neither of us have control in. She's nearly asleep and I push her hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear. A soft smile sits at her lips. It's different than the one I've seen these past few days. This one is genuine. And I love it.

I can't resist myself when it comes to Taylor. And that's what got us into this mess. She didn't have to do anything or say even a word before I was ready to strip from my clothing and make love to her. It wasn't just sex like I've experienced in the past, it truly was love. And even when she's laying on me. Fulling clothed with her leg wrapped around mine, I'm loosing my mind over her. I want to marry her, and I want to have a family with her. I want her to mother my children and I want us to be happy. Its so easy to say, but it isn't what she wants. Not now, she says.

My heart breaks for the baby in her stomach, for the child with my genes. I'm never gonna know them, what songs they like or if they prefer chocolate over vanilla. I'm never gonna see them take their first steps or use their first words. Ill never be able to help them with their homework or hang their first report card up on the fridge. I'll never be able to help them in their first heartbreak or see them get married. I'll never know their children. "What's wrong." Taylor whispers. Her voice is sleepy.

"What?"

"What's wrong. Something's wrong." She opens her eyes and stretches, leaning off of me and onto her side. "You're upset."

I shake my head, "it's fine. You need some sleep. We've gotta get up and see Diane tomorrow."

"No." She says, taking my hand. "What is it."

"Taylor, it's late. Let's get some rest." As much as I want to tell her what's on my mind, I don't. She's too hard headed to take my opinion on this.

"What if i do this...?" She whispers, leaning close into me, slowly brushing our lips together. "Then will you tell me?" Taylor pulls away, a smile increasing.

My hands pull her close so her body is touching mine in all aspects except our lips. "It's nothing important." I insist. Even in the dark her eyes sparkle more than I could've imagine. Her cheeks radiant warmth as does the rest of her. My hands sit in the small of her back and I press into her softly. My hand smooths along her side. Taylor's fingers grasp to my shoulders and her lips melt into mine. With no control, I follow her lead, every way she goes, I follow. Our kisses become sloppy, our lips over lapping with the others. I pull myself beneath her and she lets out a laugh. It's my favourite sound. Her hair falls to one shoulder messily and She starts to pull off her tank top and I pull her down for a kiss.

---Taylor---

After our meeting with Diane, and confirming that Ali and Rob were the ones we would like to take a further look into, we headed back to my please. Harry and I were having dinner with my family to break the news. He was taking a flight back to LA afterward. For the past week he's been in deep trouble with his management. He used the excuse of 'Family Emergency' and had just stayed extremely under the radar. Tonight I had made reservations at a Chinese Restaurant down the steers and everyone was meeting there at six.

I stand in the mirror, black bra and lace underwear. This was the first time since last week that I truly saw change. I press my hands against my stomach. To any normal person I just look bloated. But to me, I'm pregnant. And fat and unflattering. I stand there and close my eyes, my hands against my stomach. I try to focus my thoughts but it's no use. They're everywhere. I turn to my side, peering at my reflection of a somewhat baby bump. I had been eating more, not realizing it. Harry had influenced it. And for once in years I was craving salty snacks and sweet treats. I couldn't remember the last time I went willingly to crave cupcakes and ordered a dozen red velvet cupcakes. But today, on impulse, I did.

Harry walks in, sliding his arms around me and we fall into a natural prom pose. I extend my head back and close my eyes, smiling. Moments like these were my favourite things. Very Harry like, he takes his phone from his pocket and captures a picture of our reflection in the mirror. He's a goof like that, but he's my goof. "I think you might need to change, I don't know if that's appropriate for dinner... Desert on the other hand..." I slap his arm and he laughs as I back up and head for the closet. "That was my polite way of calling you sexy." He calls and I role my eyes. "Believe me," he says, his voice coming closer while I dig through the dresses, "I could think of a lot more dirty things to say right now."

I turn and slap him with the dress and he whimpers with a soft 'ouchie'. "Oh come on," I laugh, putting the dress back and picking up another. It's black with a cut out in the back, fancy enough. "Now put on some dress clothes before I have to strip you myself."

•••

Harry and I arrive last, hand in hand. We great my family and friends with hugs. We invited my parents and brother, Scott and Sandy, and lastly, Paula. Our table was full and we soon had ordered. We thought it may be best to tell them sooner rather than later, so when our waitress brought out the drinks and made her way back to the kitchen I called everyone's attention. "So, Harry and I have something to tell y'all." I say after setting my ginger ale down. Harry takes my hand under the table and looks down at the placemat.

"What is it, baby?" Mom asks, I knew this would kill her most.

"It's not an easy thing to tell you guys. But, you deserve to know before anyone." I pause, everyone has confused looks upon their faces, even Paula, who was usually game for anything. I sigh and look at Harry for strength but he is just as weak as I. "We're pregnant." I say, closing my eyes shut and waiting for the storm to hit.

It's quiet and then I hear my moms voice from across me. "Pregnant?" She says, her voice hopeful.

"You mean, we're going to be grandparents?" I look up to see my dad, smiling like he had just won an award. "Andrea! This is wonderful!"

"Scott, Andrea, there's something else. Let Taylor finish. What is is Tay?" Paula says. And even though she has no idea I can nearly feel her reading my mind.

I swallow hard as my parents look at me, so lovingly and proud? "Harry and I aren't ready to have kids. We're not married, not even engaged. We haven't reached that yet." The looks go back to confused and I sigh. "I'm three months along and that leaves us with one option, which is adoption. We've found a family that we might be interested in. They seem very nice and they both grew up with music. We just have to wait and then when I'm about six or seven months along, we will meet up with them."

"Baby," my mom says, "are you sure this is what you want? Adoption?"

"Ya, Tay. You've always wanted to have kids and be a mother." Austin adds.

I knew this would be hard. Telling my friends and family about this. But what everyone seemed to be forgetting was that I had a life and a career. I couldn't just drop my life as a singer, and fall of the face of the earth in the middle of an era to have children when not even I was ready. "Oh come on," Paula says, "she's only being realistic. The girl is a world known pop sensation. She's not ready for a family."

A quiet dinner leaves me sick. Sick to my stomach, sick with my choices. All I wanted was for my family to approve. Paula agreed that it wasn't right but my mom wouldn't even look at me the same. She looked heartbroken, and disappointed. Harry stayed quiet just as well as everyone. He had been doing it a lot lately. Did he really think we were ready? We weren't. I knew that. I excuse myself from the table and walk to the bathroom, everything blurring and becoming unexplainable.

I push through the private door that's titled ladies and look down, kicking it behind me and flicking the lock. Tears surround my eyes.

Dear Harry, please don't hate me.