Beyond Me. {Haylor}

Chapter Fourteen.

---Taylor---

I wake up to see a dull room of people ushered around me. Harry stands to my right, Rylee at my feet and Ali at my left. The walls wear a grim colour of grey and I shudder. It takes me a moment before I realize that I'm lying in a hospital gown in a hospital room with a needle pressed into the crease of my arm.

The memories come flooding back from when I was sixteen and hadn't perfected my ways. To where three nurses held me down against the harsh white cotton to feel nothing but an impaling scream from my stomach.

Why did you do this.
Why did you let them do this.

But instead of a scream from my stomach it's now a heart break.

How could you do this to me?

Tears flood from my eyes with no time to waste as everything sinks in. I look at harry, who not only looks worried, but disappointed and scared. His eyes are empty and the colour that used to be so bright is a faded pastel of green. I reach for his hand and he squeezes my fingers. I don't say anything and neither does he. But I can read his mind and he's hurting, more than me. More than anyone.

I look at Rylee who stands across me. "When can I go home." I plead, "you know this is the last place I want to be."

"Can you give us a minute." She says and I know exactly what it means. It means a talk. A speech. A threat. Ali leaves and wipes a tear as she walks, Harry follows, still without saying a word. "Taylor this isn't healthy." Words spill from Rylee as the door closes. "Not for you, or the baby. It's not right."

"I know I'm sorry. I didn't have a chance to eat today, I woke up late-"

Rylee shakes her head, "no excuses. This was your last chance. Can you imagine what would happen if you had of fell and Harry wasn't there to catch you? You have to think about these things."

"That's my problem, Rylee. I don't think about that stuff. I have enough on my mind. And the monster that has compelled me since I've been sixteen isn't something I'm proud of."

"Then we'll get you help. Professional help."

"Yeah, like that will help." I say rolling my eyes.

But for once I see something in Rylee's eyes that I've never seen. And it makes me uncomfortable to the point where I'm readjusting myself in the hospital bed. It's a mix of fear and threat. Like that behind her doctor face she's scared to death. I feel weak, and small. Her eyes pierce into mine like a shock to the heart. "Would you starve a baby, Taylor. Would you starve a child, whether it was yours or not. If a innocent child was complaining that they were hungry because they haven't ate all day... Would you starve it?" I don't move and she stands there for a minute or so. Not saying a word. "That's what I thought." She turns to leave and I shout for her to not. "I'm going to discharge you from the hospital. Since apparently, you're fine."

I feel attacked. I feel alone and like a disappointment to everyone. To myself, Rylee, Ali, the baby, the fans. And most importantly Harry. How this monster spiralled out of control so fast... so crazily... Was beyond me. How I let it was beyond me.

•••

I had made a decision when Rylee left the room. Something that wasn't going to be easy. And now that I'm at home, sitting on the couch beside Harry as he prepares to leave is even harder. Ali and Rob sit on my love seat as I'm curled up beside Harry on the couch. His attention is payed at the tv just like the rest of them. But my mind in wandering. My heartbeat controls my body and my breaths match it's patterns. I close my eyes to take in the feeling of Harry. His smell, his warmth. Everything. The way his hair curled over his ears and how if you looked closely you could see him biting the inside of his cheek. His worst habit. Lastly I see the disappointment in his eyes that are set off straight. I pull my hand to my stomach, feeling around as if I'm going to feel something back.

"Well, Har, we better get going." Rob says standing. "You wouldn't want to miss your second flight, now." Harry doesn't say anything, and nods. "I'll be in the car, don't be too long." Ali stands to follow, stating she forgot her purse in the car and that it would only be a moment.

Harry stands as do i. Before I have a chance to say something, his arms at curled around me, his nose nuzzled in my hair. As he removes himself from my body, his lips meet mine and I feel the spark that I feel every other time we kiss. It makes this so much harder than I want it to be. His hands leave tingles until the reach my hands and with a frog in my throat, I open my mouth. "We need to talk."

Harry's eyebrows move around into a unsettling position. "Talk? Now?Taylor, I have a flight to get to."

"It's not going to take long a promise." I insist, following him to the door.

"Alright then, what is it." A smile covers his lips and the love I have had for him for the past year and a half is displayed in the back of my mind. All the times I've seen. I stare at it, knowing that I will never be the reason for it every again.

"I can't do this." I say, softly.

"Alright then," he says pressing his lips to my forehead, ready to dive out the door but I pull back on his hand.

"No, Harry!" I say, swallowing hard. "I can't do us."

His place run pale as he lets out a quiet "why."

Tears are already pricking in the back of my eyes like needles. I need to make this quick. "I'm hurting you, and I refuse to do that any longer. You need to just... Live your life! You're young."

He pulls back his bottom lip and his face goes red. "I'm not leaving you," he states. "I love you and I know damn right that you love me!"

"This isn't healthy for either of us."

"I told you I'm never leaving you. If you think I'm gonna leave you when you're in your biggest time of need!"

"Well then I guess I must be crazy!" I shout, raising my voice.

"I'm not doing this, not now!" He says, rustling his hand through his hair.

"Get out, Harry." I say, and it breaks my heart. Everything about this situation breaks my heart.

"I'm calling you tonight, were gonna talk this through. He got this." His hand pulls to mine but I shake my head and step pack.

"Just leave." I whisper gently. The cracks in my heard dripping with heart ache. I don't dare look up I'm too scared at what I might find. I cover my eyes, more embarked than anything. I swallow hard and peak through my fingers. The back of Harry drifts from me, and seeing him leave has never made me feel so alone.




A/N

I literally suck at time management. I love y'all though. HAPPY NEW YEAAAAAAAR!!!! Oh and Kitty, if you see this, I'm watching you.