Beyond Me. {Haylor}

Chapter Nine.

My knuckles shakily tap at the fogged door before opening. A blonde receptionist welcomes both Harry and I with a smile. "Miss Swift, we've been expecting you! Dr. Diane will only be a moment!" She presses into her ear, bringing her voice to a whisper. "Doctor, your ten o clock is here." She smiles back at us, "just take a seat, make yourself feel at home!"

My hand squeezes Harry's. Both our palms sweaty. I've never been good with doctors offices, it brings back haunting memories. My throat becomes scratchy and dry so i scramble to find a mint. "Just breathe." Harry soothes.

I look up to find a middle aged woman walking over to us. Shes got dark straight hair, and pastel blue eyes. She's thin and tall, although, she walks in heals. Her smile is comforting. I stand and shake her hand. "Hello Miss Swift, I'm Diane."

"You can call me Taylor and this is my boyfriend, Harry."

She smiles. "Let's head back to my office and get started." He heals are the sound that drags out through the quiet office. It's hardwood floors, and instead of grey or white, it's coloured wallpaper that you might find at your aunts house. Pictures are hung up on every wall and it feels homey. That's why Rylee referred me here. We enter the office and she closes the door behind us. I take a seat. On her desk is a picture of a child, no front teeth and ginger bangs covering her eyes. It's a cute photo and I'm forced to smile. "That's my daughter, McKenzie" she buds in. "I've had her since she was three weeks old."

"She's adorable." Harry smiles and Diane takes a seat on the opposing side of the desk.

"Thank you. Enough about me, let's get on to you. Tell me about yourselves!"

I look at Harry, unsure of what to say. He's just as clueless as me. "Like what?"

"Anything! Your favourite colour, your heritage. Where you were born. Who your parents are. Do you have siblings. When did y'all meet. Anything." She insists.

I lick my lips. "Well we met through a mutual friend, things sparked from there. We've been together for almost a year now." I say. "He's really the love of my life."

Harry smirks. "As she is mine."

"Well isn't that lovely!" Diane smiles at her notebook, jotting stuff down. "So, Taylor, what kinda stuff are you into."

"I like to sing, clearly. Songwriting is in my blood. I knew since the prime age of eight it was what I wanted to do with my life. I had a strong family behind me. Thank god, or I would've never been able to do it on my own."

"So, you like a strong sense of family?" She asks.

I nod, "I guess you could say that."

"What about you, Harry?"

"Um..." He pauses. "Growing up, my family had a bakery. Well, my mom did. And then she met my step dad and such. But uh, I was always singing in the bakery and dancing and then when I was a bit older I signed up for X factor."

"Lovely! What was family like for you, growing up?" She asks Harry and I know immediately that it's not a topic that he wants to talk about. He hardly even talked to me about it.

He takes a deep breath and he takes my hand for reassurance. "When I was six years old, my dad left me and my sister. We never thought anything was wrong, there weren't any signs. Well, we were kids so I mean, there could've been signs but we didn't see em. One night after dinner he told us to get to bed. Kissing us both on the hop of the head. He told me that we would play with the trains I got for my birthday when he came back. Which was usually a day or two because of business. But instead, he never came back. There was never a birthday card or a Christmas Day phone call. He found himself so far under the radar that he didn't even have to pay mum child support." His voice cracky and weak. Tears in my eyes blur everything and I engulf him. He takes a deep shaky breath and assures me he'll be fine. "It's just really hard for me to think back on. My dad didn't want, not only my mum, but he didn't want my sister or I."

Diane passes him a box of tissues and I use one to dab my own eyes. "How do you think that effected you?"

"It put drive in me for sure. So that maybe he would see me one day and think, "wow I really messed that up." I don't know if he has though. No matter what happens to this baby though, I want him or her to be loved. No matter what. I'm not saying that wasn't loved growing up, but I don't want our baby going to a broken home."

"Lucky for you Mr. Styles, that's exactly what we do here! Our rate of a broken home is at a small dose of one in fifty." Diane smiles. "It's a very low percentage. So basically what I've got from you both is that you want your child to goto someone who will unconditionally love him or her." We both nod. "May I ask the reasoning why you're putting the baby up for adoption?"

"We're not ready for a baby. We're not married. Not even engaged. We're hardly together and we only ever see each other half the time because of our careers. It needs a stable home. We're just not ready to give that." I lick my lips and smile. This is the first time my words have made sense to even myself.

"Makes sense." She says with a smile and I can't tell if it's fake or not. "I already picked out several families I thought might work by the information I already knew and what Rylee told me." She stands and opens a filing cabinet. In her hands she brings a photo album, a few books/folders, a DVD or two and a scrapbook. "You can take these home and we can meet up tomorrow. What do you say?"

Agreeing I smile and stand, "sounds good."


•••


After a homemade dinner of buckwheat crepes, a strange crave that been killing me for days, Harry and I sit cross legged on the king sized bed. Between us sits the possible future of the child in my stomach. Flannel plaid pyjamas are riding just below my hipbones and A tank top rests against my chest. Harry sits in a t-shirt he left here awhile ago and his boxers. "Where should we start..." I blend my words from a question to a statement.

"Video maybe?" Harry suggests and I agree. I hand the DVD to Harry and he pushes it into the laptop beside him. Shivers run down my spine as the screen goes from black to a blue with the printing 'The Millers'.

I look to Harry, his eyes directed at the screen. He's so fixated on the electrical device that I can see the reflection of blue. The screen fades once again and and 'it's time' by imagine dragons starts to play. A paragraph of text appears on screen explaining why the couple wanted to adopt. How they wanted to have kids but not their own because they felt like there were enough children in the world without homes already. It was sweet and sincere, but I wasn't feeling it. The five minute video ends and I close the laptop, looking at Harry. "What do you think?"

He shrugs, not too keen on any of this. "Whatever."

"No, not whatever!" I huff, blowing the bangs out of my eyes. "I want to know what you think."

Harry looks up, "whoever, Taylor."

"Well, I didn't think they fired what we are looking for, did you?"

"No."

"Well then, no to the dvd. How about the photo album." I say, picking it up and crawling over to Harry's side. The photo album is white leather, the photo of a bride and groom on their wedding day. I open the first page and it's of again, the couple on their special day. We flip through the pages and neither of us feel anything special towards the couple. Through the next little whole we look through the other books and discuss them all. None of them seemed... Us. None of them fit our love for music of bonds of family. All lovely couples, just not for us.

Lastly, I sit with the scrapbook in my lap. I have low hopes for this one. The cover is pink, very girly, and all homemade, which is sweet and endearing. I open the cover and on the first page sits a letter. I begin to read it.

To whom this may concern,
My name is Alison Jaymes, my husbands is Rob Jaymes. We've been married for six years, together for thirteen years, since we were sixteen. True highschool sweethearts. Cliche I know, but 100% real. We both grew up in Memphis and moved to Nashville for work after we got married. We love it here, it's home. Currently, I work at an antique store just outside of town, while my husband works as a producer in music row. We are financially stable and money has never been an issue for us. After we got married, we tried for kids right away. We tried for months to get pregnant but it was never any use. After finding out that our odds were slim, we tried fertility. In 2011 we found we were pregnant with twins, we couldn't have been happier! within our first trimester, we had lost them in a terrifying Miscarriage and we haven't had luck since. We've decided that adoption is the path for us. We both grew up in a home with siblings and we are amazing with kids, we can't imagine our life without them. If by some wish upon a star, you pick us as the parents of your baby, I can promise your child a life of love, happiness, and music.
Yours truly,
Ali.

I look up at Harry, waiting for him to finish reading over it. He looks up. "She seems nice."

"I agree." I smile, turning the page. Pictures are lined with boarders and gems and sparkles. It's personal, but at the same time, not pushy. We come across their wedding pictures, she's beautiful. Dirty blonde hair falls to the middle of her back in natural waves, her eye are a greenish kinda grey colour. She's slim and tall, nearly reminding me of myself, except she's prettier. Her husband is built, with blue eyes and darker hair, darker than Harry's. He's tall and he cradles her perfectly. They're music lovers, and fairy tale believers. They have cats and she's very into the vintage feel of everything. I like her. And even though I haven't met her, and I hardly know anything about them, something feels... Right.