Crazy Little Thing Called Love

The Apology Or How I Wrote Harry A Letter

Hi everyone, I wrote this on my phone in the library so my apologies if the paragraphs are weird or if there are any funny words in here which auto-correct created. All the love, Summer xxx

Dear Harry,

I wish I would have had the courage to return any of your calls or to pick up my phone and reply to your texts, but I didn't. I don't even have a really good excuse for ignoring you for the past two weeks, other than the fact that I'm probably one of the worst friends you could possible have. 

I know you only wanted to help me on New Year's Eve and the fact that you care so much scares the heck out of me. When I tell someone that I'm fine, they usually believe me or at least drop the topic, but you are different.
I'm still trying to figure out if it's a good different or not, but that doesn't change the fact that you care enough to call my mother of all people after you didn't get through to me through any of our mutual friends. And that made me feel so guilty that I decided I couldn't hide from you any longer (my mum also threatened to disown me if I kept ignoring your calls).

So here is me trying to make up for what I did. I imagining you sitting opposite me, staring at me with your insanely green eyes, giving me a concerned but encouraging smile.

I'm sorry for hanging up on you. I know that was a very shitty thing to do. The only excuse I have is that I was very drunk and very upset that night and I knew you were right; I just didn't want to hear it. I hope you'll be able to forgive me one day.
Okay, now that's out of the way, how about I update you a little bit on what I've been up to during the past two weeks? Since uni started again, I've thrown myself into work to keep my mind occupied and distracted when I'm not at work. I know that this isn't the best coping strategy- who am I kidding, I'm not coping at all-, but I don't know what else to do and I fear that I won't be able to handle it if I actually allowed myself to process what's happening.

My dad has been in hospital twice since you left, once on Louis' birthday and then again last week and it doesn't look good. I am so scared to lose him, Harry. I can't live without my dad.
I can feel that his time is nearly over and I know that he feels that, too, but I can't go home at the moment even though I really really want to. We talk on the phone every day and sometimes I just read him a chapter of a book, but it's so hard to stay strong all the time.
I haven't told you about this, and I'm not sure if others have, but my reason for not telling you is that I don't want you to worry about me. You don't need that extra burden in your life.
Louis has been trying to take care of me and makes sure that I take breaks from time to time, but even he can't make me feel better most of the time.

I wish I could write more, but it's 2am in the morning and I should probably go back to sleep.

All the best for your audition, I know you'll be amazing, just like you always are.

I miss you.

All the love, Claire

PS. It's now 5am and I still can't sleep, so I started looking through my old notebooks again and I found this quote and wanted to share it with you.

"and maybe music won't hold my hand, but it will cry with me and that's maybe all I really need" - r.i.d.