Crazy Little Thing Called Love

The Funeral Part 1 Or How I Have To Be The Strong One Sometimes

Hi guys, this is just a bit of a filler chapter that I wrote earlier in the library in between lectures, so it isn't my best one yet, but I hope you like it anyway. All the love, Summer xxx

The next few days passed in a blur. I was constantly pretending to be okay when I really wasn't doing well at all. After another day of looking after me, I had convinced both, Harry and Louis, to go back home to their own lives, while I put mine on pause to help my mum with the preparations for the funeral. Successfully managing to lock my feelings somewhere they couldn't get to me, I was feeling like a robot, passing through life without allowing myself to feel anything. I knew I wouldn't always have someone by my side to hold me when I was falling apart and I couldn't rely on myself right now, so I'd rather not deal with anything at all. 

The night before the funeral, the house was filled with people and all I wanted was curl up in my bed and somehow shut the world out. Instead, I was walking around the living room, offering tea to friends and relatives of my dad, while trying to ignore the pitiful looks they were giving me. Lily, Louis, Harry and Niall would be arriving tomorrow morning for the funeral and I couldn't wait to see them again. Niall had never met my dad, but he wanted to come anyway and support me and Lily, who had been like a second daughter to my dad and was equally devastated. 

I was dreading the funeral more than anything as it would put an end to my denial phase, that I was going through at the moment. Tomorrow, it would be impossible to keep pretending that my dad would somehow magically reappear again when I was standing in front of his coffin. Unable to force any food down my throat, I skipped dinner and successfully managed to hide upstairs in my room for the remainder of the night. As soon as everyone had left, I hopped into bed and only woke up once after one of my recurring nightmares which I had had since the day at the hospital. It took me at least two hours to recover from it and by the time I fell asleep again, it was nearly time to get up anyway.

The next morning, I put on my best black dress which looked just like something everyone would expect me to wear to a funeral, even though I would have preferred something a little more colourfull  because I knew that was what my dad would have liked to see. Nevertheless, I tried to look as nice as possible in my dress and pulled my hair back into a high ponytail, not even bothering with makeup apart from a bit of concealer to hide the dark shadows underneath my eyes and a bit of blush to make me look less pale. After a final look in the mirror, I took a deep breath and hesitantly made my way downstairs, ready to face the day. 

I met my mum in the kitchen, who silently passed me a cup of tea before she fled to her bedroom again, not being able to take the awkwardness which had established itself between the two of us since Louis and Harry had left on Saturday. When it was time to leave, I gently knocked on her bedroom door and hesitantly pushed it open when I didn't get a reply. The sight in front of me broke my heart. My mum was sitting on her bed, hunched over with her face buried in her hands. She was silently sobbing, while trying to somehow keep her composure at the same time. 

"Mum?" I asked quietly and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to her. When she didn't react, I gently pulled her into a hug and held her while she cried into my shoulder, taking on the role of the strong one for now. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes until she had calmed down enough to say something. "I'm sorry, Claire." She hiccuped and gave my hand a light squeeze. "No, mum, it's fine! Seriously, don't apologise for hurting over something you had no control over." I assured her and gave her a weak smile which she hesitantly returned. "Alright, let's do this." She straightened her back and held up her head, suddenly looking strong and composed again.

I followed her to her car and we drove in silence until we arrived at the chapel where the service would take place. After one last reassuring look from me, my mum gracefully climbed out of the car and was immediately embraced by mum grandma. I took a deep breath and tried to convince myself to leave the car when a knock on my window made me look up. Lily was standing outside the car and motioned for me to unlock the door, which I did at once. Without even having to say a single word, she pulled me into a tight hug which said everything she didn't say out loud. We held onto each other for at least a minute, before she pulled away. "Thank you." I thanked her quietly and she nodded and pushed a folded piece of paper into my hand, before she was called over by Niall who was struggling with something in his car. 

I stood in front of the car, rooted to the spot and felt like I was about to throw up any second. People shot me pitiful glances every now and then but apparently I looked really unapproachable because no one dared to come over and talk to me. A warm hand slipped into mine and when I looked up, I saw Louis' concerned eyes looking down at me. "Hey, love." He pressed a chased kiss to my forehead and let his eyes wander over my pale face and my body before he frowned. "Will you be okay in there?" he asked me quietly and nodded to the chapel which people had started to enter while the bells ringing. Unable to say anything, I only nodded and tightened my grip around his hand, letting him lead me into the chapel.

Before I walked through the doors, I let my eyes wander over the people still left in the car park, frantically looking for Harry, but I couldn't spot him anywhere, so I followed Louis inside, letting his hand guide me through the mass of pitiful stares and whispers. We took a seat at the very front, next to my mum and my grandparents who were sitting on both sides of her, leaving some space for us at the very left of the bank.

Just as the service was about to start, I felt another big, warm hand slip into mine. I didn't even have to turn my head to know who had just arrived. My mum gave Harry a thankful smile and when I turned around, I saw Lily give me an encouraging nod. I felt Harry's thumb gently stroke the back of my hand in a soothing kind of manner and gave it a light squeeze which he returned. Then the music started and it was time to say goodbye.