The Trickster's Bride

Chapter Nineteen: Rani

The month following our engagement party flew by. Frigga had decided the wedding should be postponed a bit. I wished we could have called it off, but she decided a month was enough time. She had, of course, wanted the wedding to take place as soon as possible, but the less-than-perfect meeting between my groom and I forced her hand.

I had grown bitter. When Frigga or Freyja came to me, seeking my opinion on details for the wedding, I was dour and listless. "I don't care," I replied, when Freyja asked if I preferred silk or linen. As her face fell, my heart did, too. I hated seeing their disappointment. But I wanted nothing to do with this wedding. Loki had scarred me so deeply. I hadn't meant to offend him, but he still reacted so coldly. How could I be enthusiastic about marrying such a rude man? I would not fight what the AllFather had decided for me. But I would drag my feet every step of the way.

Loki had gone back to Laufeyson, his home, to prepare for my arrival. I knew he didn't want to be around me.

The Ladies- the fond name I'd given Frigga, Freyja, Sif- and I spent time together, as they tutored me on the various responsibilities of a wife. In addition to my duties as a Goddess, I would have to keep Laufeyson in order, provide structure and support, and bear and raise children. These things hardly interested me, and I only listened politely.

As often as I could, I went to Odin, seeking advice about handling my new realms as a Goddess. The AllFather gave me the best advice he could, and tried to put a smile on my face. After my stormy mood had refused to let up a week after the engagement party, Odin took me aside.

"Lady Rani," he said, "I cannot change how my son treated you. However, I can assure you of this much. Sometimes men, mortals or Gods, do remarkably stupid things. Sometimes, we don't even realize what we've done wrong. Ask Thor! Lady Sif is always having to correct him. That's why we need wives: to keep us from losing our heads. Do you understand?"

I nodded respectfully, though I refused to let go of my grudge. Loki hadn't even come to apologize, although I heard that Freyja and Sif had given him an earful. Why should I put forth any effort if he wasn't doing the same?

The other Aesir allowed my jaded heart to continue aching until a week before the wedding. I still hadn't even decided upon a wedding dress. I simply refused to commit. Finally, Frigga came to me. I was languishing in my bed, staring out the window, feeling sorry for myself. When she knocked, I didn't even open the door. She had to let herself in. This was my silent protestation.

She said nothing at first, simply sat on the bed beside me. I kept my eyes glued out the window; I didn't want to see the disappointment on her face.

"Rani," she said, commanding my attention. "I understand Loki has made you bitter. We can all attest to the fact that he was in the wrong."

I said nothing. Her tone was not playful nor sweet, as it usually was. Instead, she spoke with the voice of Frigga, Wife of Odin, Queen of Asgard. I sat up, and gave her my full focus and respect.

"Marriage is not perfect, not even in the realm of the Gods," she continued. "Do you think Odin and I have been married so long without disagreeing? There were times I wanted to gouge his other eye out, he angered me so.

"While you are bound to this marriage, you are not bound to sorrow. That is your choice. You may be angry, sad, jealous- it does not matter to me. You can continue to feel sorry for yourself, to resent Loki for this small injustice he has done to you. That is your decision. But I have come to remind you, that I chose you to marry my son, because I saw potential in you. I saw a strong, capable woman, even as a child. I saw the woman who might save my beloved son from the darkness he is heading towards. And at this point, you have failed me."

Frigga's words were arrows aimed straight for my heart. I was already red with shame, and now tears welled in my eyes. I wanted to slap myself for being so disrespectful to this woman. She had given me a future, when I had none. She chosen me, above all others, for a most honorable position. And what had I done for her?

"I am not trying to cause you pain," Frigga went on. "I am trying to help you. Loki needs you. He does not realize it now, and he will fight it viciously. But you are a tenacious woman, who I believe can bring him hope and love. But if you are already giving up now, then I know I have made a mistake."

I looked up at Frigga, tears flowing freely now. I opened my mouth to speak, but she raised her hand. "Do not apologize with words," she said, "for they are so easily misused and misleading. Show me your humility with your actions. Only then will I know you are true."

With that, Frigga took her leave. I felt raw, naked, and terribly angry at myself. So what, Loki had upset me a little? I had let Frigga down, the woman who had given me so much! I was a worm, a filthy little worm who didn't deserve her love.

But, she had chosen me. And I would fight like hell to regain her love and trust.

Wiping my tears and destroying the self-pity that reached scrawny arms up towards me, I got to my feet. I marched to Freyja's room, where she and Sif were speaking idly.

"Sister," I said firmly, before they could ask what was the matter, "I would prefer the gown that is white with blue trim, if it's not too late."

A broad smile overtook my sister's face. "I think we can conjure something up," she laughed.

I was Rani, daughter of Njord and the Valkyrie Kara. I was the sister of Freyja and Freyr. I was a Goddess in my own right. And soon, I would be the Wife of Loki, Son of Odin. I would not forget it.