The Trickster's Bride

Chapter Sixteen: Loki

I always had a hard time with large crowds. The noise, the cramped space, the scent of so many bodies... the situation always make me tense. I had to escape. I stayed as long as I could, to see Rani accept her responsibility as a Goddess. It was pleasant, I suppose. Much like any other coronation I've been forced to see. At least now I was going to wed a proper Aesir, not just the daughter of one.

I had hidden myself away in the library, where I knew I wouldn't be bothered for awhile. Immediately after the coronation, the guests would congratulate Rani one by one. I had a decent amount of time before our little "party" to steady my mind. I knew all eyes would be on me, gauging my reaction. They would whisper behind their hands, glad that mischievous Loki had finally settled down. The thought sickened me. No doubt Mother and Father expected me to warm to this girl I've never met, painting a delightful little picture of love that didn't exist.

Needless to say, I was reluctant to be their dancing monkey. Odin and Frigga had already done me a disservice by choosing my bride, without consulting me, or even letting me know they were considering it! Fresh waves of anger flowed through me. For years, Mother and Father had "advised" me on my behavior, only because I didn't fit the role they wanted me to. I was not like my brothers. I didn't take too kindly to being led like a horse to my destiny.

I breathed heavily, to calm myself. I'd come this far, I couldn't back out now. To do so would be the death of any shred of respect I had earned. Perhaps if I just went along with this nonsense and behaved myself, my parents would let up once I was wed.

But then, isn't that exactly what they wanted me to do?

I leaned over the desk and gripped the edge. How had I let myself be pushed into this so easily? If I was half as evil as some made me out to be, I would have lost my senses and left a trail of destruction in my wake. To Hel with them all!

Disappointment and rage flooding my veins, I pushed the desk over, to release the pent-up anger. For years, I'd been the second-best to my brothers, overlooked by my Father, and eyed with distrust by those who were meant to accept me as one of their own. And why? Was it because I was not truly of Asgard, but only adopted into it? Was it because I was half Frost Giant, heir to the throne of the Jotunns? Or because I was nothing more than a pawn, a token of peace between Asgard and Niflheim.

Familiar self-hatred crept up behind me, like a shadow wrapping its suffocating arms around me. I was gulping for air, forcing myself to calm down. I felt as if I was being watched, suddenly, and I looked up.

My mother, Frigga, was standing in the doorway.

I straightened myself slowly, wondering how much she'd seen. As if the toppled desk didn't explain it all.

"Loki..." she said softly, her eyes full of pity.

"Mother," I acknowledged with a sharp tongue, "shouldn't you be congratulating your daughter-in-law?"

There was a sadness in her eyes I loathed. A sadness only ever caused by me. "I noticed you had left," she said simply. "I was worried."

"What," I laughed humorlessly, "did you think I'd run off, leaving my little bride to fend for herself?" I immediately regretted the sarcasm in my voice. "I'm sorry," I said softly, "I don't know what's gotten into me."

Mother came closer, sympathy in her face. "My son," she said, "I don't always understand the struggles you tread through. And I know you are reluctant to talk about it because you feel my loyalties lie only with Odin. I have told you for years this is not true, but I cannot force you to believe me."

I looked up at her, feeling much like a child, though I was a grown man. "I know you must feel that we made this decision without you in mind," she continued, hitting the nail right on the head, "but the truth is quite the opposite. We made this decision because we believe it will help you. If your father and I are unable to understand your sorrows, we have no right to believe we can assist you. Perhaps Rani will understand you better than we can. Perhaps you can find your solace in her."

Frigga was wise, perhaps wiser than Odin himself. Her words soothed me, comforted me. I felt that she had set her hopes far too high. But there was also a chance that she was right. She had never led me wrong before, and I had little reason to doubt her, no matter how skeptical I felt.

"Thank you, Mother," I said, "I appreciate your concern."

She smiled warmly, taking my hand and squeezing it. "Come now," she said. "Your bride awaits you."