Unfinished

Galaxy

Depression never really leaves..

2016/ Always

You ever feel like killing Your self just to see the fake ass love and responses you'd get from everyone ? Including the very people you tried to get help from? The very people who dismissed your depression and your feelings as if they weren't there..

I sometimes wish I could sit on a star in a blackened sky nestled up under the moon watching earth turn without me. From a distance that far my existence wouldn't matter.. from a distance that far, you realize how small you really are, how small your life is.. besides you're literally one of billions .. billions of people going through shit way worst than you, so why should YOU matter ? I think for the most part I wanna see the world without me. I wanna see my family without me. My friends without me. I can imagine it and literally laugh at the thought of half of them at my funeral crying their souls away when we both know that they weren't there.. they hardly checked on me .. they hardly really cared, besides a lot of people can't deal with " emotional " shit. But look at them.. faking on social media wondering why I took my own life.. wondering why I didn't say something.. The thought is fucking comical. They'd probably never show the text messages between us and the multiple times they ignored me.. nah only the good ones. Only the constant " I love you's " and our happy moments.

I wonder how many suicide victims are nestled up in stars watching this bullshit.. watching their bullies feel bad & gain sympathy from people when they're part of the reasons their up there.. watching their fake ass family sit in a room crying saying all the things they'd miss when none of their aunts or uncles ever even called them besides the holidays.. everyone saying they never seen the shit coming. What a shit show. When really the signs were there the whole time.. shit the signs have been HITTING THEM IN THE FACE & they were constantly ignored.

Every one likes to share these post about to people who contemplate suicide like " imagine how your family and friends would feel " fuck them. Humans wait till their love ones die to show their love.. please do it now. Love your family now.

I constantly feel like I'm drowning. Like for some reason none of my years of learning how to swim matters, because I can't seem to get to the fucking surface no matter how hard I kick my legs, and it's like the harder I kick the faster I lose air, the quicker I sink. Before I know it I'm at the bottom of an abyss and see nothing but darkness and hurt and reasons to be sad and never swim to the top. Voices in my ear telling me there's nothing good up there anyway.. you'll be safe down here. That's what depression feels like. Anxiety is knowing you can get to the top but being scared at what's up there .. imagine dealing with both.