Unfinished

The Final Fight

You never truly understand a situation till it's you. Till you're in the same persons shoes that you judged.

Often times girls would come to me & tell me about their relationships and how their boyfriend would beat on them and honestly I'd offer advice but in the back of my head I'd be like bitch how dumb could you be ? why would you stay? What's wrong with you? Just get up and leave.. I never knew how hard it would actually be to be in a situation like that.

I remember watching Tina turners movie and calling her a damn fool .. sis he doesn't love you. That isn't love !!! I was tired of hearing the " you don't understand , he loves me , he needs me , i can't leave " & then it was me..

2016

The end of the year I kind of did my own thing, was having a good time alone, I'd talk to a nigga here and there but Nothing major.. then came Lucifer ( best name to describe him ) .

Lucifer was from manhattan, like deep manhattan soho , skinny jeans with vans manhattan. He was a real hood nigga though, I don't even know how managed to live there. He was originally from Harlem, he was definitely different, he had his own money and his views was debatable but you're not supposed to be the same as the person you're dating anyway. For a year I would avoid seeing him cause I didn't wanna get too attached. Eventually I would see him though, and I liked being with him.

I don't even know how the fights would start. It would be little things.. like me ignoring his text, or me being next to him and not speaking. The first fight was over me taking too long to get to his house.. he started choking me and I laughed. Because was this nigga serious right now? Like was he dead ass? He was. Once he realized it didn't phase me he began to punch me on my body, I immediately began to fight back. I couldn't believe this ..he had me fucked up ! It seemed like we fought for hours.. none of his family came to check on me. No one came to see why I was screaming and crying. No one cared. It was just me and him. Me and the devil. He didn't stop beating me until I stopped fighting back.. he officially broke me. He had me where he wanted me. I was weak. I was tired. I was his.

He eventually let me go home and no one noticed my bruises because he was smart enough to make sure most of them were body blows and the one hit he did give To my face was easily covered by some concealer. I didn't know what to do .. I preached about domestic violence. I told girls to walk away. I told them it wasn't okay. I'm too strong to be in a situation like this.. this isn't like you belle. Those were the thoughts I constantly fought, for some reason any time he called .. I answered. He needed me emotionally. He didn't mean it. He needed my help. I couldn't just abandon him.. when we were good, we were REALLY good .. but when we were bad ? Boy ..

3 months of fighting had passed.. at this point I didn't even fight back. I just let him win. I deserved it. I shouldn't have set him off. I shouldn't have provoked him. My life was constant hidden bruises & muffled tears. I was becoming everything I despised about women. I think he hurt me more mentally than physically, I was so used to being that strong woman, that superhero. He broke me down mentally. I felt like I was no body, but while making me feel like I was nobody he also made me feel like I was his everything. Every time I was ready to leave him I convinced my self to go back and no one knew but me. No one knew I was getting beat on.. his family did though, they didn't care. It was the normal. To hear my screams , my cries & then offer me food.. I think my breaking point was our final fight. I hadn't talked to him for that whole week. I was tired of the back and forth, I was tired physically and emotionally. I loved this man.. I seen nothing but good in him. Everything he could possibly be, I just wanted him to see it too. I felt like we had a real shot at being happy, he needed me to be there for him and believe in him. That's how I saw it.

When I finally got to his house we were fine. We laughed. We laid up, we ate , we had sex, we watched movies. Everything was perfect, but I knew it was just a matter of time before it all went wrong.. I was so sleepy and he wanted to fuck but I literally had no energy, he immediately got angry. " why you don't wanna fuck me ? You giving your pussy to someone else ? Yo I knew you was a fucking thot I swear to god. Get out " he yelled all of that at me at once. I didn't even argue with him, I was happy he was giving me a way out ..shit I was ready to get out of there untouched, but of course it's never that easy. I quietly got up and started putting on my shoes, packing my bag, and it bewildered him, " so you just gonna leave like that huh ? You not going anywhere " I was so pissed off & I went the fuck off on him. I called him crazy, I told him he needed real help. That triggered him because he threw me to the floor and started kicking my sides that was his favorite thing to do cause he knew no one would look there. This time was more violent than ever before..it's like he wouldn't stop. He started stomping on me all over and I couldn't even move to fight back. I held my self and let my life flash , it was like belle you're everything you told them not to be. This is your fault. You're gonna die here. He's gonna kill you. Because you wouldn't leave .. you wouldn't leave.

The pain was agonizing, I couldn't just let this man kill me like this. I grabbed his leg and pulled him down with me and got up as fast as I could. I started beating him with whatever was close, which happened to be the tv remote. I was hitting him as hard as I could with it and the batteries flew out knocking them against his eye. Out of nowhere his energy was back at a hundred and he kicked me into the wall .. mind you all of this and not one of his family members came towards the back. I knew I had to fight for my life. I had no choice. He swung at me and I ducked causing him to hit the wall, once he finally caught me he didn't stop. He punched me everywhere, my eyes kept closing,I felt like I was screaming but no sound was coming from my lips. He was killing me. The man I thought I loved was taking my life , I was blinking in and out of consciousness.. with his last blow I blacked out and mentally prepared myself to not wake up. I mentally prepared myself to be another domestic violence statistic.

One of his family members decided to finally come and help me and dragged him off me. I didn't even feel alive. I couldn't move, my body was sore and my ribs felt out of place. My asthma had me feeling like I was having an actual heart attack. I laid in that same spot for what had to be an hour; I cried... I cried harder than I ever cried in my life. I couldn't believe what my life had become. He came back in the room hours later with food for me.. yeah just win the fatty back with food, right ? I didn't even eat it. I couldn't believe this man sat here like he did nothing. I acted as nice as possible so he could let me go home. When I got there I laid in bed with my mom and cried. I told her everything and left nothing out. She cried too..I understood her pain. As a parent you try to shield your children as best as possible, you never plan on any one hurting them. You definitely never plan on them hiding it from you and continuing to go back. I just wanted to lay with my mom forever. I didn't wanna return back to the real world. Mentally and emotionally I was tired.

I finally told Cleo what was going on. We hadn't been speaking for a couple weeks so it was a lot she was missing out on. When I finally told her she was mad. Mad at me. Mad at my excuses and mad at the situation. I told her he needed me & she replied " what does he need you for? He can go down to models and get him another punching bag ! " I then realized she was me .. she was me when other girls told me the same thing , she didn't understand cause she'd never been in my shoes.

After the final fight, I pressed charges on his bitch ass. I couldn't win the fight, but I was gonna ruin his life legally. He's forever gonna wear the charge of domestic violence.

Later I had my brother beat his ass .. just like he had beat mine. Ol eat the cake Anna mae ass.

To Cam, I understand now. I feel you. I love you.

If a man hits you.. he doesn't love you. Don't listen to his excuses. He doesn't need you. He wants YOU to need HIM. you can not save that man. You have to save YOURSELF. domestic violence is very real and can happen to the strongest females out there.. anyone can be a victim. Don't let him make you a victim. Walk away while you can. Don't keep it a secret. Get help. I love y'all.