Moving from England to America, moving in with your cousin Devin and his family and a complete new lifestyle is tough and extremly exciting at the same time as you havent seen your friends and family in years.But will moving back be the best option ?
It's as if I'm trapped and I've lost the key. But the key is Aliyah. It's always been her from the beginning. I've been lying in this bed for weeks not changing or showering , not eating, but just sleeping. My routine every day was crying. It's funny because i have friends i have family and i have the digaz. But i still cry at 3am when everyone is asleep. It's the cries of help but with no sound. The one where you feel a pound in your stomach and in your throat, eyes blurry. Each cry I gasp for air as it becomes heavier and heavier to breathe. And then you realise , it's because of them. They mean everything to you and make you change for the better but when there gone your dead inside.
Everyone was out currently as shari and mom went to the grocery store. Mom texted me when she left and it was a relief. I was able to allow the pain and the memories to escape but with my mouth. It felt so good to be able to realise all my sadness. I lay my head in a pillow and scream, which used a lot of my strength.
Minutes later, I feel a warm hand touch my face pulling me up to meet its graze. I am shocked. Even though my eyes were blurry from the tears, I was able to make out who it was and i was in disbelief. It was Aliyah.
Aliyah's POV
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As my eyes wander, my legs began moving as well. I scan the room everything is a mess and so is Kevin. I don't think he realised i was there. As i watched him scream in his pillow and rest his head back down onto the bed. I run over to him and pulled his face into my hands. He looked dead, broken and shocked. Which obviously i expected but it just made me gasp. "I'm sorry Kevin, I'm really really sorry" I say, my voice beginning to break.
I pulled him close into a hug, which he accepted and hugs back. We stay in the position for a long time. It was as if time had frozen and it was only me and him who were on the earth. Suddently, he pulls back and doesn't look at me but says "Why did you come back, was it to rub it in my face that you left me without no reason or is it because you feel sorry for me?". I try to reach out to him but he dodges my hand.
"Kevin, it was not like that, i thought me leaving would be best. I had issues going on at home and it wasn't right that i brought you into them, as it would have brought you down and as well i didn't speak to anyone, i stopped contact with my mates, even with Devin, so please don't think i only did it to you. I thought i was protecting you as that was the only thing i could control at the time. I thought things would have gotten better after the year and that id be able to come the year after but it became worse. And so it affected me tremendously causing me to not be able to come." I stare at my hands but continue.
"Im sorry, I know that you won't be able to forgive me for my mistakes, i thought that things would be alright between us if i came back, out of the blue when realistically i would feel the same. And i do. No words can explain the way i feel about making you this upset. It wasn't my intention at all. I didn't mean to make you feel broken and when you were finally finding your feet i crushed you down. I just hope you understand and remember the old me because i haven't changed and remember that i love you deeply just like before and when i was gone i never ever ever missed a day thinking about you, you are a part of me, Kevin." He was still looking the other way, so i new i was too late. I broke him and it is all because of me. Tears form in my eyes, but i don't want him to see them so i get up and leave.
I begin walking to the door and turn the door handle until i feel a weak but firm grip on my arm which pulls me into a hug. "Don't leave me, I get it you didn't mean for it to be like this but please don't leave again. I know it wasn't your intention but it's just that when you left, you didn't explain why. I thought you got bored of me. Or that you didn't like me anymore. You didn't contact me and so i thought it was the end and i didn't ever want it to be the end with you. I know you sorry and i accept that but it will take time. And i still love you too Aliyah, I never stopped." He pulls me into his chest and we stand there sobbing.
I realise that he hasn't forgotten me. I know that it will take time but that's ok. We just need to take things slow. I know for sure that i won't ever leave him again because it is physically, emotionally and mentally impossible for me too.
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Thank you all for the love and support. I hope you like reading the book as much as i like writing it. There will be many more chapters to come so i hope you enjoy them in future.
