Let Me Love You

49

The uncomfortable feeling of a cold and thin bed is all I feel, but it doesn't comfort me like a bed should. I lay quietly, keeping my eyes closed, matching my breaths to the beeping of the machines that surround me, the only indications of my heartbeat, of my existence. Curiosity slowly pries open my swollen eyes to meet a dismal view of a beige colored hospital room, the door a depressing grey. I immediately see a blue curtain dividing the room in two. I slide my eyes sideways, inspecting this flimsy wall.

I lift my head and sling the sheets off of my body, seeing myself dressed in a hospital gown with a purple cast on my right foot. I sit up and look around, finding no one else to be in the room, I place my feet on the floor and try to find my balance. I grip onto the bed to help me walk carefully and slowly, once I figure out how to maneuver with a cast, I peek around the curtain to see who else is in here. My heart jumps out of my chest when I see Justin laying there, his cheeks are pink with life and his lips are no longer chapped or purple. I stand there stunned while I stare at him, afraid to get closer. Is he okay? Am I allowed to touch him? What time is it? Did Scooter ever show up? Or Alexa? Are either of them mad at me?

I turn around and waddle back to my bed, searching for my belongings. On a chair, underneath my clothes, hides my phone. I snatch it and check the time, 5:42pm. I see a text from Alexa, telling me that she has already arrived, but nothing from Scooter. The doctor allowed me to contact them before the surgery on my foot, but it has been a few hours since then, why hasn't Scooter answered?

Regardless of which one of the is here, at least one of them is here. I slip on a jacket to warm my shivering upper body, and make my way to Justin. I sit in the chair places next to his bed and scoot it closer to him.

"Justin?" I whisper and lie my hand on his chest, "Are you sleeping or are you still knocked out from surgery?" I ask him, of course I get no response, but I still talk to him anyways. "I already told Scooter...I-I was going to tell your mom or your dad but I don't have their number and I left your phone at your house." I explain to him as though he were perfectly awake, "Alexa said she's here..." I add, "I don't know where though"

"Um...I know you're not awake but...Justin I'm so sorry...for everything" I admit and hold his arm, tracing his new tattoos, "I-I don't know what my deal was," I shake my head shamefully, "I was being so childish and immature...I am so sorry and I never meant to hurt you like this...I wish I could've gotten to you sooner, I had no idea, I should've just listened to you..." I begin to ramble as my throat grows tight again, "I'm sorry" I repeat and slide my hand down to his, grasping my fingers around his limp palm and placing my head on his shoulder.

"I don't know what the doctor says about you right now, but earlier he said that it's nothing serious. He said you'd be just fine, I know you'll be better than fine, you'll be better than ever. I know you will be" I mutter and kiss his shoulder.

I can hear his steady heartbeat and breathing patterns, I never thought that I would value something so simple from someone, but right now I couldn't be happier. Hearing his heart beat is music to my ears, I think I could lay on his chest for the rest of my life. I see his stomach slowly rise and fall, then rise and fall again, and I watch it for a long while. Justin is not awake and these are the only indications of him being alive right now—I need this.

I hear the door pop open, but I do not rise, I merely shift my eyes to see the doctor standing with a clipboard.

"Ms. Grande," He smiles at me, "nice to see you're awake!...and out of your bed..." He comments in a way to tell me I shouldn't be out of bed. "You were out longer than we expected," he laughs, "but you sure are little, I guess it is not too much of a surprise"

I blink a few times but refuse a response. I know he is going to make me get off of Justin, I know he is, but I won't. Now that I am healing and have my energy back, I am here for Justin and I will not leave him—I will protect what is mine.