Invisible

Chapter 50

Darren and I ended up getting in his car together. My friends (bless their souls) left me alone with my ex. I know that I should act like it's no big deal, but I kind of feel thrilled. I have no idea if I was thrilled in a good way, or if I was thrilled in a bad way.

Right after buckling my seatbelt, I made sure I was having a good distance from Darren. My right side was already leaning against the car door, practically making it obvious that I felt too awkward in the situation that I am into.

I cannot take place in the backseat though. I aimed for that place earlier but Darren complained and said that I will make him look like a driver. So I reluctantly and begrudgingly have to take the shot gun.

Darren enters his car and buckles up as well. The engine roars to life and before I know it, we were rolling through the streets of the city. I silently prayed that there would be no traffic so I don't have to stay in this car for a long time. We were strolling through the moon lit path of the road and I could notice Darren paying me some glances every now and then, until he resolves on speaking up, "Nice tattoos. Where'd you get them?"

"Oh, uh," I didn't expect him to start a conversation, so it took me a little while to gather my scattered thoughts and pull myself together. "I, uh, I got them right after my graduation in college... back in London,"

"If you don't mind me asking," He says, obviously trying to create a small talk between the two of us, "What are their meanings?"

I smiled and felt something strong in my chest. This is my chance to get back to him, even in the smallest ways possible. "This domino reminds me of you," I admitted. I have gotten this domino tattoo when I finished college, but only Parry knows my reason of why I chose the tattoo. "It serves as a reminder of what you were in my life and to everything you have done in my life."

My eyes darted to Darren and see how he reacted. His face was surprisingly blank, but his eyes show all the guilt he is feeling. "Oh," he breathed. "W-what about this one? Is that a—"

"A semi colon," I finished it for him.

"A semi colon?" he asked, "Why did you pick a punctuation mark as a tattoo? Why not just put on a small stargazer lily? That's your favourite flower, is it not?" he was showering me with all of his questions.

"Yes, it is a semi colon," I answered, "There is a reason of why I chose it as a tattoo. It kind of has a significance to an author." I explained and smiled a little. "Have you ever noticed that whenever authors choose to end their sentences with a period and they eventually change their mind, they kind of choose a semi colon as a punctuation to keep it going?"

He furrowed his brows, "Yeah, and so what does that has to do with your tattoo?"

I mentally snickered, "When we had our relationship over, I felt like I was so over as well." I said, feeling some part of my walls shaking and threatening to crumble, but I held it in, "I almost got depressed and almost ended everything. But the people around me made me choose otherwise."

It was true. At the first years of my attempt to move on but felt like taking a step forward and then two steps backwards, I felt too down for myself and ended up almost getting insane. There were multiple times when I thought of committing suicide and there were times when I actually done it. I once did it successfully, burying the blade deep through my skin. Parry saw me soon and rushed me to the hospital. I think she gave me a pep talk for more than 2 hours when I woke up, then since that time, she kept her eyes on me and even rid my room from all the sharp things I could get my hands on.

That was why I owe a lot to Parry. If it wasn't for her and her presence—and let's include the OA protectiveness—I could have died. I also could have gotten insane and end up being chained in a mental hospital.

Parry stayed close to me until we went to London and she made me promise that I would do my best to get out from my messy mind. She said she could help me, but the biggest help I could get was going to be from myself.

I then looked at Darren and saw that his small eyes turned dark. Dark, yes, but there was still emotion shining within. "After those years, the semi colon reminded me of everything I have been through. This ink that would forever stain my skin will be the significance of how strong I forced myself to be and how everything turned out to be good because I chose it to be that way. It's going to be my reminder that I should never let some guy in and break me down like... well like how it happened before."

"So... that meant you never dated?" his voice was shaky, yet understandable.

"No," I said, "There were boys who attempted to, but I turned them down."

"Why?"

"Do you really expect me to trust boys again?" I asked him with a bitter chuckle, "I tried to, but it was hard. When I try to let someone in, I always get scared that things would end the same way we ended. I promised myself I won't put myself in too much misery ever again so I approach them and tell them they would be better off without me. They understand anyway and just bid me goodbye and the rest is good riddance."

He sighs, and I turned to look at him because I heard him sniffling. But the car doesn't have lights inside and the only thing illuminating was the moon and the city street lights so I wasn't sure if I pulled out emotion from him. Maybe that has been my motive, to pull out a reaction from him when I try to back fire him with all he's done to me. And by the sound of his muffled sniffles, I sure did.

When I explained everything that happened to me these past years, Darren never asked another question. He didn't even dare to engage a conversation and it was relieving. I was happy that he stopped bringing any of the past back to our present because we're not friends, not even close. Maybe if he could have broken things down before the proper way, we could have still saved the friendship but we all know that he put everything to waste. Just. Like. That.

When we reached the hotel parking, I bolted right out of the car as he parked. I think I didn't even wait for him to finish parking. I just ripped the seatbelt off of me, opened the door and aimed for the elevator and pressed our floor. I exhaled the breath I didn't notice I was holding, and felt relieved over all. Being with Darren was somewhat suffocating and I was not looking forward for another encounter with him alone. I made a mental note that I will kill the girls for leaving me alone with him.

I was stupid when I thought that suicide was my biggest chance of escaping, of running away from the painful past. I was stupid when I thought that he was worth it. I was stupid when I thought that he sees me as something special and worth the hold. Maybe I was being delusional all those times before and I let the illusion to get the best of me. I was being delusional all those times, period.

The elevator ride seemed to be long and the music was not helping either. At long last, the alleviating sound of the loud DING! echoed around the small area and it even snapped me out of my reverie and self wallowing. I wiped my face to rid of the sweat and the tears I did not notice I was shedding.

When I opened the room, my friends were seated on the floor, smiling at me innocently. Parry and Karlos was hitting it off again, and they seem to have their own planet. They're too stupid to not detect the boiling chemistry between them since day one.

Darren comes in soon after and everybody cussed at us for taking too long. Little did they know that we had some sort of a throwback party in his car and it was because of them.

"Great!" Parry exclaimed, taking an empty bottle and another bottle that is filled with brown liquid inside before setting in on the floor. "Sit your asses down here and let's get this tradition started!"

With Darren being in our hotel room to do our traditional Truth or Daregame, I have the feeling that this game will be the longest and the most nervewrecking game we will ever have.