The Bully (Frerard)(Completed)

Chapter 14: Not Ready

Frank's POV:

It's been a week since Gerard and I have started dating. He's really nice, and just lovely. He's been so nice to me, he treats like... Like I'm his lifeline and losing me would just kill him. And I treat him the same. It's great.

He told me that we'd have to be slow in the relationship, which I have absolutely no problem with. He's never dated a guy, and if he really, really likes me like he says he does, he wouldn't want to rush it and have it turn out bad because of some wrong thing that happened in the process of taking it too quick.

*~*~*~*~*

Yay, it's Monday. Gross.

I do my morning routine and skip breakfast like I usually do.

I walk across the street to Gerard's house and knock.

No one answered at first, so I knocked again and turned around in sudden interest at the red truck pulling into the driveway at my house. Well, okay mom.

I guess I didn't hear the door open, but I was suddenly getting hurriedly pulled backwards into the house. I freak out at first and let out a scared/surprised squeak.

"Hey," Gerard says with a humored giggle.

"Hey, yeah, thanks for scaring me!" I respond.

"No problem, it was funny! You squeaked, and it was funny."

I just playfully glared at him and then went into the kitchen, I want some coffee. My mom doesn't let me have coffee, so thank the heavens Gerard and Mikey are here to save me from that.

*~*~*~*~*~*

On the walk to school Gerard and I are holding hands. It's not that big if a deal, so we decided that holding hands wouldn't be considered going to quick, which I agreed to.

So, our fingers are intertwined and we're standing comfortably close to each other, walking in step with each other. ..... Seeing as I'm quite a few inches shorter than him, I have to slightly bend my elbow to be able to hold his hand, it's kind of uncomfortable and Gerard picked on me for it as soon as he realized this.

The school is now coming into view and Gerard starts to get antsy. "What's wrong?" I ask, quite confused.

"Nothing," he simply responds, lying horribly to me. I don't like getting lied to, it's so stupid. Why can't you just tell the truth. I'd rather get hurt with a lie than comforted by a lie. Getting lied to is a pet peeve of mine, just like many other things. It's awful, really.

"Stop lying, Gerard, you aren't fooling anyone," I state bluntly. My face has the look of complete and utter seriousness on it, and I knew I was getting under his lies.

"Fine.. I just.. I.. I don't want to tell you," he says. Ugh, again. Wow. He needs to just tell me.

"Why? Do you not trust me?" I question. If he doesn't trust me, I'll be immensely hurt, crushed even. I trust with everything, I've only lied once, which then I felt horribly guilty and then immediately replaced my lie with the truth. I can read Gerard easily. I guess it's not hard when he's been my bully for 2 years and I could always tell what he was feeling. I knew when he was completely pissed, or very happy. When he was pissed, I knew I was going to get it good. When he was happy, I usually just got a punch or two.

"No, it's not that I don't trust you! It's just that.... You'll be mad if I tell you," okay then....

By now we are standing completely still, we stopped a little bit ago. But now I'm staring him down, an unamused expression covering my face. "I'll be less mad if you tell me, I'll to be understanding, I promise."

He sighs and nods, "Well, I just don't think... That I'm ready to be.. Uh... Seen with you... Yet."

My jaw drops and I gasp, then exhale deeply. Did I... I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose, "Okay, Gerard. Okay," then I, very angrily, might I add, walked away.

He didn't attempt at following me, he knew I didn't want to talk because I was upset, I should've seen it coming. The reason he didn't say anything last week at school was because we weren't holding hands, not even hugging, doing anything really. So, last week, didn't even seem like we were dating.

*~*~*~*~*~*

I didn't show up to first hour. When I entered school after walking from Gerard, I managed to get past Greyson and the other jocks. I went to the bathroom that is located in the social studies hallway, no one really uses it, so I knew I'd be safe.

I sat in the back corner, knees pulled up to my chest. If you opened the door, you couldn't see me from the doorway, the line of stalls hides me.

I set my head on my knees and just let it out. I cry, sob, punch the wall, and scream. I muffle this all, of course. I don't want to be heard. I use my knees to muffle my sobs and screams of pain.

He didn't want to be seen with me. Was I not good enough? Did I make him look weak? Did I.... His reputation. That's why he doesn't want to be seen with me. His reputation. He didn't want to ruin his status as tough. If they saw him holding hands with another guy, they'd label him as weak, a faggot, a sinner, a... Worthless piece of shit... Just like Frank Iero.

I'm worthless, that's why Gerard doesn't want us to go public.

When I come to the realization that I'm worthless I flip. I stand up and search around in my backpack.

I finally rummaged around far enough into it to find my art supplies. I grab my pair of scissors and just have at it. I run it multiple times across the width of my arms. It goes from the bottom of my wrist(I didn't want to die, I couldn't do that) to the part of my arm where it bends at the elbow. Both arms looked the same, deep, harsh cuts only centimeters apart. Blood leaking out and dripping onto the floor. I know, I took it a step further than I wanted to. I didn't intend on this, I only.. I only wanted to have a few. Just four or five to satisfy me, bring from my emotional pain. But the pain just... It got to me. It made me feel so relieved that I wanted to know what it was like to be completely relieved of all my worries and bothers. It didn't work though, I'm still bothered.

I figure it's time to clean up my mess. I fill up the sink with warm water and soap. I set the scissors in the sink and let the blood just run off. Then I take a few paper towels then soak them in the warm, soapy water. I dab at the wounds at first, then it turns into me putting mass amounts of pressure on them. It hurt, it hurts a lot. It's almost unbearable, yet enjoyable.

*~*~*~*Sorry about that....*~*~*~*

I stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the day. After 2:55 I started out of the bathroom, heading to the front entrance for the school. As I was halfway there, the bell rings. Yeah, this bathroom is like all the way in the completely opposite side of the building than where the front entrance is. I walk out, eventually, letting the fresh breeze hit me. I felt refreshed.

I stand out on the sidewalk, waiting. Then I see Mikey come out, "Gerard'll be out in a minute," then he walks away. Alright.

I wait a little more and then finally see his black mop of hair.

He gave a smile which I couldn't return.

"You weren't in class," he states.

"I know, I just.."

"It's what I said, I know it is," he replies with a blank expression and an oddly calm voice.

"Yes, it is," is all I said before we started out walk to his house.


*~*~*~*~*

So, I'm really sorry about that self harm scene. ._. I just... Ugh, I had a bad experience with my self harm a few days ago... And I basically put everything into it. I started shaking because memories started coming back and I just.... *sighs* I'm just really sorry.

xoxoCrashFire.