The Bully (Frerard)(Completed)

Chapter 41: I Don't Hate You

Frank's POV:

I try to sit as far away from Gerard as I can without making it awkward, but I think this whole thing is already awkward.

"So, why haven't you been talking to me? You just ignore me every time I try to talk to you, or you just acknowledge that I'm there, but don't respond, why is that?" He gives me a look that says 'you better answer' and I gulp, how do I explain this?

I clear my throat a little, trying to stall this as much as I can. I look around the room and play with my hands, finding that there is truly no way to get out of this.

"Um," I chuckle nervously, "I kind of- uh- when I got sent to the office I saw you staring at a- um- girl. And again in the hallway. I just kind of got mad, upset, everything. I was jealous, and I thought you didn't want me anymore and..."

"You didn't talk to me because I was staring at a girl," he summarizes my explanation and gives me a weird look.

I nod my head, kind of embarrassed about it. Now that he said it, it truly does sound stupid.

"Frank," he starts out, but I cut him off.

"If you hate me, I get it."

"If I- what? Frank! I don't hate you, I could never hate you. How could I hate someone I care so much about?"

I look over at him and shift in my seat, scooting slightly closer to him. He doesn't hate me, maybe we could... I scoot closer and closer, getting some courage to do what I want. I'm finally sitting next to him, our legs almost touching. I look at him, then I cup his face in my hands and press my lips to his, finally getting what I want.

He kisses me back, holding my waist while I moved my hands down to gently hold the sides of his neck.

He pulls back, a little smile on his face, "I don't think I could ever want anyone other than you, Frank."

"Then could we... be together again?" I ask hopefully, praying that he says yes.

"I'm scared, Frank," he admits, "I'm scared that I'll hit you again. I don't want to put you through that."

I shake my head ferociously, "No, no it's okay, I can handle it if you do, please, Gee, please just say yes."

I can tell that he does want to say yes, he looks frustrated, like he doesn't know which is the correct answer.

"Frank. No," he sighs, "we can't, I haven't gathered all my thoughts."

I close my eyes, pissed off, then I stand up and shove him back on the couch, "Why do you always do that?!"

"Do what?" He asks, his voice perfectly calm.

"You lead me on. Like- like when we were in the basement and you were begging me to be your boyfriend again and when I finally get around to say yes, you completely changed your mind and-and said no! You said all this shit. And just now, you said that you couldn't want anyone other than me, but then you say no to me! Why?! Gerard, stop being such a spontaneous asshole and make up your mind!" I may have been a little over dramatic with my rant, but it got my point across. I walk towards the door, but get pulled back and shoved onto the couch.

"Frank, you don't understand!" He has an angry edge to his tone, but other than that I can tell he's trying to stay calm. "I really want to be with you, I mean it, but you don't know what it's like to constantly fear that you'll lose control for a split second and do something you'll regret! You don't understand. That's how I lost you, that's how I lost you the second time. I don't want to lose you a third, I want to be able to control myself, I want to be able to be in a relationship where you don't have to fear me, or worry that I might hurt you. I want to be in a perfect relationship and all I'm asking is that you give me until Thanksgiving to try and collect my thoughts and help myself, I'm tired of being like Greyson, okay?" He sighs and sits down on the couch, putting his head in his hands.

Wow. Who knew he had all that kept up inside his head?

I look down at my lap and feel guilt rise up for yelling at him. I guess I see why he changed his mind so quickly during both of those conversations. He wants to date me, but he doesn't trust himself.

"I'm sorry, Gerard," I whisper and stand up, heading for the front door.

"No, Frank, just- please stay," Gerard begs, a sad tone to his voice.

"Gerard," I sigh, my hand resting on the doorknob, "I think we both just need to think."

"Wait, well, we can talk about it together."

"Remember how well that worked out last time? I don't want to get hurt again, I don't want you getting hurt either. I can wait until Thanksgiving for a final answer," I twist the knob and pull the door open. There's tears stinging at my eyes and I realize that I just want one more thing from him.

I walk away from the open door and grab Gerard's hand, turning him around and pull him into a tight hug.

We stay like this for a minute, then we pull away. "I'll see you Monday, Gerard."

He smiles a little and then we say goodbye. I walk out the door and close it quietly, getting ready to walk into an empty house.

This is stupid. What the hell am I supposed to do when I'm home alone on a Saturday afternoon?

I could be like a normal kid and throw some huge ass party and then get chewed out by my mom later. But, I'm not a normal kid. I only have like three friends, literally. Mikey, Ray, and Gerard. And half the time I don't even want to be around Mikey and Ray because they're like making out or some shit that I'd prefer to not see. And then a lot of times I also don't want to be around Gerard because we have some sort of disagreement or I get sad because I really want to just have him back, but that can't happen. I have to wait until Thanksgiving day. Then... I really just want him to say no because... he could do so many great things in the future and I don't want to ruin it for him by being the whiny, needy boyfriend.

I sigh and decide that I'll just go play guitar and practice for the music assignment that we have to do in a little over a week.

After plugging in my guitar and warming up a bit, I'm ready to play.

"Gravity... Don't mean too much to me..." I know Gerard is the one who sings, but I just like the songs we're doing so I sing them when I'm practicing.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Okay, so there will be time skips because boring stuff isn't rad. The end of the story is close. Like really super close. I think maybe two or three more chapters?

xoCrashFire