The Bully (Frerard)(Completed)

Chapter 44: Alternate Ending

I lay in bed, I feel numb. I don't want this anymore. Life. It's too painful, all I can think of is Gerard, my Gerard, with that girl. Who knows what they were doing? Maybe they were fucking, maybe they were talking. All I know is that it hurt. I'm jealous, I'm jealous of that.

When I want to talk, Gerard doesn't. When Gerard wants to talk, I don't. What Gerard wants, I don't want. What I want, Gerard doesn't want. It's like we're polar opposites, but we're so much alike.

I clutch the notebook and pen to my chest, am I really going to do this?

I am.

My phone flashes with the notification of a text message. I ignore it. I'm not going to distract myself.

I sit up and place the notebook in my lap, clutching the pen in my right hand. Tears are already falling onto the page, crinkling it up in the spots they soak.

Then I start to write, addressing the note to Gerard.

'Gerard

I'm leaving, I'm finally leaving. My goodbye goes to you because you're the worst and best person I know. I love you more than life itself, that's why I'm leaving; because I love you, but I can't have you.

Your three weeks is up, but I'll never know your answer. I knew it anyways, everybody did.

I'm going to leave you with this, a goodbye, an I love you, and a promise.

The goodbye because I'm weak.

The I love you because I could never stop myself.

The promise- the promise that I'll never be a burden on you anymore.

I'm also going to leave you with an apology. I'm sorry that I had to say goodbye like this, I'm sorry that I had to say I love you like this, and I'm sorry I had to make a promise with you like this.

I'm especially sorry that I lost hope.

Hope is survival.

I love you.

xoFrank'

The tears were coming hard and fast. It's Thanksgiving and I don't have anything to be thankful for.

I set the note on my bedside table and look at it. Then I think back to the day Gerard took me to get my lip pierced. I sniffle and reach up to remove the ring from my lip. I poke it through the paper and latch it, letting it sit there.

"This time you won't find me," I whisper. I grab the bottles of medication off the table and pop them open, pouring a lot of them in my hand. Right before I start to shove them in my mouth, I stop. Is this really, and I mean really, what I want?

I think back to Gerard's answer, do I really know that his answer is going to be no? What if it's yes?

Have I truly lost all hope? Yes. No. Almost.

I set the pills down on my night table and reach over to my phone, it's been notifying me that I have a text for a while now.

Gee: Meet me at the park in an hour.

I nod at my phone and toss it on my bed. I need to clean myself up. I run into the bathroom and wash my face, run my fingers through my hair and brush my teeth. Even though I'm not dead, I feel like it.

I deem myself presentable and go back into my room. I grab a jacket and put on the gloves that Gerard gave me.

Before anyone can question why I'm leaving, I run out the door and all the way to the park.

*~*
Gerard's POV:

I wait. I'm close to giving up and walking home. But I can't. I want to tell him that I need a few more days.

The more I think of how to tell him, the more I don't want to. I want to tell him yes. His smile is haunting me. I want to be the reason for it. Everyday. Until I die.

I want to help him, he's so broken and I would be lying if I said it didn't surprise me hasn't tried suicide again. The thought of that brings tears to my eyes, fucking Greyson. I blink the tears away and pull myself back to reality when I hear running. The slapping of shoes against the concrete.

I walk to entrance just in time to get tackled, not in a threatening way because the next thing I know arms are wrapped around my neck.

I push myself up and see that it is Frank. My Frank. No one else's. not even God's, he can't have him yet.

I wrap my arms around his waist, deciding to not tell him to wait longer.

"Yes, Frank," I whisper in his ear.

He has tears in his eyes when he looks up at me, "What?"

I notice that his lip ring is missing, I'll ask later. "My answer... it's yes."

He smiles and hugs me again, tighter than he ever has. He pushes his face into my chest and I feel him smile through my shirt.

When we stand up, I grab his hand and lace our fingers together. "So... What happened to your lip ring?"

He frowns and looks away, then looks back almost instantly, "Oh, don't worry about it." He smiles up at me and in that moment, I knew that I would never lose him again.

*~*~*~*
Alternate ending, yay!

xoCrashFire