The Bully (Frerard)(Completed)

Chapter 11: I Don't Love You

Sunday! Two things are good about today.

1. No school
2. I get to figure out more of my song and hopefully finish it!


It's 7:40 A.M. so I'm not going to just go over to Mikey and Gerard's. I go downstairs and find my mom making breakfast. Bacon and eggs!



As I'm eating I start to do quite some thinking. About Gerard and my crush on him.

Why would I like him? I mean, yes, he's attractive. But.... Why? He bullied me for two years and then suddenly after he finds out about it, I get hit by a truck, and lose my memory, he's all nice. Why? Did he think that me losing my memory of the past two years would give him some huge bonus points to him and then get close to me. No, that can't be it because he told me himself that he used to bully me. Why would he tell me that? Why would he.... Maybe he doesn't even like me at all, not even as a friend, and is just getting close to me so he can tell all his friends everything about me. Believe it or not, I remember all the horrible things that have happened to me. And ever since I found out that Gerard was the missing person, I started having dreams of things I forgot. Flashbacks, awful ones.


I gasp after swallowing.


I don't really like Gerard. I don't. I can't. It's impossible.

I can't love someone who made me inflict pain on myself. I had a dream three nights ago that was a flashback of me self harming. I knew what I was thinking to. The things I was thinking about were moving around my body. Gerard, his eyes, what he did to me that day, his friends, my bruises, and then, a mental picture of Gerard making out with his girlfriend(ex now). I can't love him, I refuse to. There isn't a real reason to.




Next thing I know, it's 12:55. I get dressed, get my guitar, notebook, a pencil, and scribble on some eyeliner. Perfect. I head over to Gerard's house when a truck comes to an abrupt halt right in front of me, then the driver yells, "Get out of the way! I don't want to hit you," and honks the horn a bizarre amount of times.

I try to move, but I can't. All I feel is this familiar, excruciating pain in my head. The rapid beating of my heart. I can feel my face lose color, I remember.

I remember that night. When Gerard found out what I used to feel. When he threw me out, my crying, my sobs, the headlights, then nothing but pain. I remember all the vivid details. They're dancing into my vision.

Writing with Gerard.
Mikey telling me to stop being obvious.
Gerard yelling.
Me getting thrown out.
My sobs and blurred vision.
The pain in my head, the blood.
Gerard screaming my name.
Mikey yelling at someone.
Black.

I fall to the ground, I can't take it! The pain in my head is too unbearable. My heart is pumping too fast, I hear it. I feel light headed, like I did that night. I feel every amount of pain I did that night. Only this time, it's hitting me harder.

I try to get up, but I can't. I can't do anything but cry.

"Frank?!" I hear a familiar voice scream at me.

I try to look up, but I can't. I didn't have to, I just whisper, "Gerard."

"Frank, get out of the road!" Gerard shouts louder and then runs over to me, I hear his heavy foot steps.

"I can't," still a whisper, it's about all I can manage in this state. Through the sobs and weak feeling.

"Why are you in the road?" He asks quieter.

"I remember."

"Remember what?" He asks, there's a hint of happiness, I know it's because I remembered something. But this isn't something to be happy about.

"That night. When I got hit. I remember it all, I feel the pain, and..." I stop, I just don't want to talk.

Gerard then picks me up and makes sure to grab all my stuff, "Do you want to come inside?" He asks.

"Please," I whisper.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After throwing up, crying, and drinking some water I finally explained why I was in the road bawling my eyes out. He felt horrible.

"But I'm fine, I just wanted to come over to ask you about my song, I don't remember anything about it except just writing it."

"Oh, yeah. I can get Mikey, he remembers the bass part he made up. And I'll sing it, that work?" He asks, then grabs my notebook and flips it open.

"Yeah," I nod my head.

"Mikey! Come down here!" Gerard shouts, very loudly.

Mikey comes down, ironically, with his bass. Guess he was playing when Gerard called, "Play the music for Frank's song, please," Gerard orders.


Mikey nods and then places his hands and fingers in the correct places, then starts playing a wonderful tune! I love it. "Holy fuck! I love that!" I shout.

"You should, you came up with the tune," Gerard says.

I pick up my guitar, "Mikey, will you play that again?"


After 12 tries at it, I finally got the music back in my head, it's actually not that hard.

Then I found that the song is already done. That makes me happy, I was getting prepared to wonder all the memories in my brain for some inspiration on lyrics. Guess that makes this easy for me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a little while of playing the song, drinking coffee, and scarfing down food, Gerard asked me if he could talk to me... Alone.

I'm a little anxious because I feel like I know exactly what's about to happen.

We go to his bedroom, and we sit down on the couch that sits next to the door.

"I really like you, Frank..." He whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

I scoot away just a little bit. Yesterday this would have made me explode with happiness because my crush of a year and a half likes me back! But today, after thinking about the reasons on why not to like him, I feel awkward.

He noticed my silence and says, "Aren't you happy?"

I shake my head a little, "I did some thinking this morning. Why would I like my bully? Or in this case, former bully. You hurt me, multiple times. Not just physically but emotionally. I hurt myself from things you did. I've been having vivid dreams of things I wish I would have never remembered. I had one a few nights ago of me sitting on my bedroom floor. I was cutting myself. I saw my thoughts. They were you, your eyes, your friends, what you did to me that day, my bruises, and mental picture of when I saw you making out with your girlfriend. I don't think I can ever love someone who pushed me that far." I say. I feel awful because I know I still have feelings for him, but I just can't. I don't want to.

He sighs and I look over to see tears falling from his eyes, "I.. I really am sorry.. For hurting you," he says through little sobs.

"I know, but," I lean over and wipe away the tears, "don't cry over someone like me. It's not worth it."

*~*~*~*~*~*

*heavenly music*

UPDATE! c:

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