The Bully (Frerard)(Completed)

Chapter 36: This Chapter Sucks

For those of you who read the previous shit that was supposed to pass as a chapter, I'm sorry, and this one is no better. It follows the previous chapter(35) and is more understandable and you won't question it as much, but it's still awful. Horrid. I hate it. ;-;

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Frank's POV:

Gerard lets go before I do, I'm a bit confused, but then he doesn't say it, he doesn't say that he loves me, so I continue to talk a little, "I really hope we can start ov-"

He cuts me off, "No, we can't. We can't just try to forget, we need time, both of us. I really want that relationship that I was talking about, a good one, I want everything to be back to normal. No fighting. I liked it that way, but... Lets just wait, alright?"

I shake my head, no this isn't happening, anger quickly fills me, "No, you said that you wanted the break up to go away, we can make that happen. You said you wanted the future to be with you as my husband, we could do that! You said you want us to happen, we can do that, Gerard! Don't you see? It's right here, all we need to do is just... Finalize it. Become a couple again, that's what you want!"

He nods his head, "It is what I want, my feelings haven't changed in the minutes that have passed since I've said it, but my mind has. I realized that we shouldn't move so fast. Like in the hospital, we were quick to get back together. Look what happened not too long after, I don't want us to keep arguing, fighting and then breaking up. I want to have a solid relationship and that takes time," he puts his head in his hands and I stand up, not even sure of what to do with myself, I don't even know what to do, say! He's right, but I don't want to admit it, I want him to see how much I truly want to be with him again. I know he said that we would, after some time, but I don't want to wait, I want it to happen now!

I stand in front of him, "Gerard, I don't want time, I want you," it sounded really cheesy and pathetic, but the truth isn't always original and clever.

"I want you, too," he says in a voice that makes him sound like he's drowning in his own guilt.

"Then why do you sound so guilty?" His different tones and thoughts and decisions really make me wonder if he truly thinks out his responses.

"Because I am, I feel guilty for leading you on and not thinking before I said that. I really just want everything to work out and be perfect," he takes a deep breath and lifts his head, revealing tears, "but, in order for things to be perfect for you, they can't involve me."

I scoff at his words, they are so false and he can't even see that! I know he thought about that response and I know he truly thinks that, but he is down right wrong!

"Gerard, no. A relationship without you is just... Far from that. Besides, why would I want a perfect relationship?"

He wipes his nose and looks up at me, "So you can have a good life."

I chuckle, "No, a perfect relationship would be boring. I liked ours, it was perfectly imperfect, just the way it should be."

"Frank, you don't understand," he sounds like he's trying to convince me or slam what he thinks is the truth into my head, "I don't want a relationship because I'm scared that I'll hurt you again, but I want it so I wouldn't have to go through the pain of seeing you with someone else, I just... I do love you, and... I'm selfish, I want you to myself, but I don't."

"Wait, you don't want me?" He has me confused, he wants me to himself but he doesn't? Is that even a possible way of putting something?

"I do! I do! I just, don't want you because I don't want to hurt you," he tries to make the situation more understandable. It kind of worked.

"Gerard, I don't want someone else, okay?" I don't want someone who won't get mad easily. I don't want someone who can't make me feel the way Gerard does. I don't want someone who wasn't my bully. Basically, I don't want someone who isn't Gerard.

We sit in silence for a little bit, I can hear the TV on upstairs, and wonder what they're watching, but pull myself back and think about what I could say next, all the possible routes this conversation could take. It could turn into crying, violence, happiness, or heartbreak. Personally, I'd prefer the third option, but Gerard's mind will probably cause the first or last.

"Please, Frank, don't you even think that someone else would be better for you?" He asks, basically begging me to try and find someone to replace him. I won't though, no one can. No one will. Ever.

"No," I reply bluntly, I will be as blunt as I can. No one will ever replace him, he wants someone to, but no one will, "ever since I figured out that I liked you, I tried to stop. I tried to find someone else to like, love, feel something for, but no one could fill that."

He shakes his head, "I find that hard to believe, there are so many other guys out there, ones that are better than me."

Gerard just doesn't understand my feelings towards him, that's all I can figure out from this conversation, well, this part of it anyways, "Believe it. You have no idea how great you are, how wonderful, amazing, beautiful, loving, caring, and right for me you are," I feel like I'm being so cheesy. I mean, if cheesiness is what it takes to get Gerard to see what I'm truly feeling, thinking, and wanting, then so be it. I just want him to stop doubting, stop trying to change this. I want that relationship that me was talking about, I don't even care whether or not we do that cliché crap that involves us talking about and planning out wedding, I just want Gerard, I want him and our imperfect relationship. Is that too much to ask?

"You're right, I don't, how can someone as horrible, awful, mean, torturous, and wrong as me be right for you?" He demands, looking me straight in the eyes, asking me to answer his question. His eyes tell me that he thinks he won, that be thinks he's right, that he thinks I'm not going to answer.

He's wrong.

"Because all of your bad traits and characteristics are covered by the good ones. There's more good to you than you think," I say, it isn't much, but the truth is better than some long rant about how great I think he is.

"You're wrong," he says. He doesn't even think twice about what he just said. He looks away and all over the room, everywhere but me, "someone else would take better care of you than me."

"You have no idea how wrong you are," I say in disbelief and shake my head slowly, looking at him while he still refuses to look at me. Does he not see how crazy in love I am with him. I mean, I'd be willing to wait, even though I'd prefer not to. I'd do anything just to be able to have a relationship with him and to get him to stop saying that someone else would be better than him.

"I have an idea of how right I am," he sighs and looks down, looking at his lap.

I think, I think all the ideas that rush through my mind. Then I think of all the reasons on why he's so wrong.

Gerard saved me from death, Mikey is the only other person to do that. He's made me happier than I've been. He's gone out of his way to talk to me, be with me, and make me happy.

The main reason why he's wrong, why I would never, ever, in this life time, pick someone else over him is simply because....

He's Gerard.

I smirk a little, "Let me show you how much you're idea means to me," then I grab his head in both of my hands and push my lips to his.

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Still shit, but whatever. I'm just a crap writer. -.-'

I'm seriously surprised you guys even like this. I mean, I know some of you really look forward to my updates and really enjoy reading this, but I really think this chapter may be the worst. I mean, it took me long enough just to figure out whose damn point of view to put it in. Then I completely messed up and put up a horrible chapter that didn't even make sense. Then I type this. This.... I don't know. Maybe it's just because I don't understand why you guys like it so much. Anyways, thank you for reading and I love you guys.

xoxoCrashFire