Memories my aunt left behind

Tomorrow is not promised

Who is to say that there's a tomorrow when today wasn't promised to begin with. Who were to say that you would live 100 years when sickness and violence would always take over. People often say "I'll see you tomorrow" or "see you later" not knowing that tomorrow or later might never come. People often go on in life forgetting to tell their love ones how much they love them and care for them because they think "oh i'll tell them tomorrow" or they think they would always be here. I'm living with the biggest regrets because I wish I had told my aunt everyday how much I adored her and loved her instead of just letting her know when she was sick. Even though she knew I loved her dearly, I wish I had told her out loud everyday. We should never put off for tomorrow what we can do today.
Many times when friends were in the hospital my mom would always say "You know what I'll just go and visit them tomorrow". You know what happened? the person never made it to see another day. She lived with that regret for a long time. I bet she wished she had went to see them when she had the chance. Don't wait for tomorrow, go out and do it today. Life is short, don't ever believe you have time on your hands. No matter your age, your health,your belief etc... Death is coming for you. You can't run from it, and you can't hide from it. The only thing you can do is walk towards it. There's something that tickles me so much; when someone says If I had only done that he/she would still be here today or only if he/she had stayed home they would still be here today. NOT TRUE!!! I' learnt that its not true because no matter what you do to avoid death it always seem to happen. Why? because death is apart of life. You know I was once like that too; I was once a 'ONLY IF' kind of person until reality hit me hard. I realized that death will come and we as human beings should only be ready for it. I realized that when God decided to create us he planned out our life for us. He planned it out in great details from who would be our parents down to how we would leave this earth. I don't think he ever went back into the book of life and decided one day that 'hey I don't want this character to die like this anymore, or I don't want them to die this young'. He never changed the plan he had for us.

Let me ask this one question though... If you had a chance to read the book about your life would you choose to read it. I know I would ... I mean who wouldn't want to see how their life would be in the future. Here's the thing; would if right just what if you could see how your life would end but you can't do anything to change that day or actually stop it from happening. The only thing you could actually do is to properly prepare yourself for that day. Whether you choose to continue living in sin or whether you would choose to repent; it would all be up to you. People who have real sicknesses like cancer, HIV/Aids, Cancer, etc they already know that the end result to their sickness is death so they could actually plan the rest of their life out and how they would want their burial to be carried out. They could choose to properly prepare for their death rather than human beings that are taken out whether through violence, child birth etc... I mean this might sound kind of stupid because a human being should always rightfully prepare their self for death because we all know that it is apart of life BUT they don't. If I was the type of person that believed 'life' is forever then why would I want to prepare myself for death right? That's exactly what everyone is thinking who choose to live their life like they'll be here forever. Tell me something... If you're in a situation where your life is about to end, like you can feel it withering away ... not through sickness but lets say you got shot or something and you know you're about to die and you had yet to get your life together; how would you carry out that situation? Would you just close your eyes and let death take over or lose the rest of your energy to repent? Remember guys the ball is in your court.

Alright everyone back to reality. So what were we talking about? I mean what was this topic really suppose to be on ? I mean this book was really suppose to be about memories right but i'm here blabbering about death like I know a whole lot about it. That's okay though; I mean everyone talks about something they know nothing about right.

I just wish that today we wouldn't leave room for regrets. For everyone that has a grudge against a family member, I'm telling you to go to that person and let them know that you love them because no matter how much hate you have in your heart for that person once they are gone there will be big ounces of regret in you. A regret so big that there's no way you would ever over come it. I had a conversation with a friend and it was just recent after my aunt passed. She had told me that her Aunt was dealing with something similar to what my Aunt dealt with and I felt it deep down in my soul. I said to her " Go to her and talk to her, let her know that you're here for her" and her response was " For what? she was never in my life like that" It hurt me to hear people talk like that because I don't care how much I hate a family member or how much they were never around, I won't ever turn my back on them like that. If they were to die today or tomorrow I don't ever want to live with the regret of not telling them how much I cared for them or loved them when they were alive. I don't wanna be the one screaming over their grave and telling them how much I loved them because they won't ever be able to hear me. Often times I would speak to my Aunt and although I know she can not hear me I do it because it's something that I always use to do. Like we would always have conversations about our day and conversations about other things but she's no longer here with me to tell me how her day was or to hear how my day was. I'm pretty sure many of you reading this right now have lost someone special to you whether it was an Aunt, a boyfriend/girlfriend, sibling etc... We all know the feeling so you can relate to this. You've been down this road before so you know exactly where i'm coming from with all of this. Some label me as crazy because I talk to her. I mean its crazy or whatever because she don't reply back but apart of me thinks that she can hear me and if she can hear me then there's no need for her to reply back. The love I had for that women is sometimes hard to explain and sometimes I don't know how I actually go on in life anymore now that she's not here. It's hard actually and often times people ask me how i'm doing and my response would always be " I'm fine you know". In all actuality i'm not fine... not really. I'm still in mourning and I don't know when there will ever be a time that I won't be in mourning. We all know that feeling we get when someone disappears out of our life right.Whether it be through death or a break up ... someone we've came to know as a human being, someone who touched us in a way no one else could ever touch us, someone special. We all know the pain it leaves; the pain that you so badly wish to over come but never truly over come it. That's the feeling I feel everyday without her.

I just want to say this: In the blink of an eye, everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You may never know when you might have that chance again for tomorrow is not promised.

Everyday I open my eyes thinking what if it was all a dream. The phone call, the sickness, her death? what if it was all a lie and she wasn't buried 6 ft under ground but somewhere on an island. What if God placed me in such a deep dream because he wanted to teach me a lesson. Well God I've learned my lesson,you can return her to me now.

Life just seems so different now that she's gone. It feels so weird going on in life without her. I've never dreamt about being here without her and I've never imagined losing her at such a young age. Ever since she left me I've been in a box hiding my true identity from the world because I can't really explain my self anymore. Life's a big dream, a big obstacle; life's a race. My Aunt has completed her race and curved all obstacles that came her way, well sort of but eventually she will awake from her dream only to face the real reality of life. We call it judgement day !