Memories my aunt left behind

7/9/16- The day I lost a real gem

               It was just another sunny day and I was so excited to go and keep her company again because everyday her smile would hug my heart. I got up that morning and was greeted with some very bad news that started my day off so wrong. I remember getting a phone call from my mom and she had told me that the hospital called her and told her that my aunt needed some blood. I was nervous as heck because I hated needles but I'd give my life to save this woman's life. I got dressed quickly and made my way to the hospital with my sister in law at the time.

As I pulled up to the hospital,my cousin stopped me and called me over to her car. My heart stopped for a minute as I prepared my self for news as I knew it wouldn't be good. I got over to the car and looked at her and immediately I saw a face that I knew oh so well.
She looked up at me and said "Shante, she's not talking... she's unresponsive, they must've given her another round of chemo".
After she told me that I rushed up to my aunt room and quickly put on the gown and everything else because her white blood count was really low.
Anyone who has a little bit of knowledge knows that when a person immune system and blood count is low that they're more likely to catch viruses quicker than anyone else.
As my sister in law and I got into the room, I looked over at my aunt as she fought for her life. She was unresponsive but she built up the energy in her to take off her oxygen mask. I held her hands down as tears repeatedly rushed down my face. That has to be the most hurtful thing someone could witness. Your best friend fighting for their life. I kissed her forehead as she continually fought to take her oxygen mask off.
I was so overwhelmed with emotions that my mind was blank. I got upset as I snatched the gown off of me and angrily walked out of the room. I thought to myself over and over this could not be happening. I am not about to lose my aunt today.
I sat outside of her room and waited for my sister in law to come out. As I waited for her, I walked over to the nurse to find out some more information. I looked up to the nurse and asked her
" what's the matter with her? before we left the night before she was doing just fine, smiling and all. Did you guys give her another round of chemo, she barely had enough energy to get out of bed"

The nurse looked at me with hurt in her eyes and said "sweetie we didn't give her anything, her white blood count is down to 0.00".
By the time she had said that my sister in law was making her way out of the room. We went up to the blood bank to give the blood but still wasn't able to do so due to our iron being so low. We decided to grab something to eat and pick up my mom and then head back up to the hospital.

We reached back to the hospital around 7 o'clock where we met the rest of the family there. We stood around her bedside and prayed with her. Even though she was unconscious I still talked to her. I reminisced on all the memories we had shared together. I knew she couldn't see me but I knew she heard me.
I gathered a small portion of my family and we prayed for her. While praying, something rushed over me and the tears started to over flow like a water fountain. I couldn't control my tears so my sister in law started to pray. The only thing that was circling in my head were all the stuff I wish I hadn't taken  for granted. Here she was laying up in a hospital bed unconscious and I couldn't do one single thing for her after all the countless things she had done for me.
I didn't know what to do anymore so I left the room of my aunt and went back downstairs to the chapel in the hospital and prayed. I got on my knees and begged and pleaded for God to heal my aunt. I made promises to him that I knew I would've kept had he healed her. I didn't give up on God though, even though at the time it felt as if he was letting me down. I still believed that my God was a God of miracles and I thought that he would've opened up her eyes and healed her from the crown of her head to the sole of her feet.
After what seemed like an hour, I finally came out of the chapel expecting good news which I did.

I stood by the security desk with my Grandma and cousins as I waited for my mom to come down. Finally my mom came down and out her mouth were sounds of gospel. I stood up with the biggest smile on my face when she told us my aunt had opened her eyes.
I looked up, smiled and said " I know it was you God, thank you. We all got excited and was happy to hear the wonderful news what soon turned to devastating news. As everyone was about to leave the building of the hospital, we heard the news that would change our lives forever.

As everyone was about to turn to the exit of the hospital, my Aunt in law rushed down out of the elevators and told us something that will forever play in my head like a song.
She said " Come quickly, you must come quick if you want to say your goodbyes."
I was stunned. The words choked my heart like a heart attack. We rushed up to my aunt room and quickly tried to put on our gown. (bare in mind we had no idea that she had already slipped away) The nurse looked at us and told us there were no need for putting on the gowns anymore so we quickly rushed into the room. I went by my Aunt side and held her hands. I looked at her as she slept peacefully.
Her oxygen had ran out so I went over to the nurse and asked if she could kindly come and refill it and that is when I got the news that changed my life. The nurse held my hands tightly, looked into my eyes and said "sweetie I'm so sorry to inform you but your aunt is dead".
My ears heard nothing after that, my eyes got blurry and everything else went black as I screamed and dropped to the ground. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe that my aunt had left me. As the nurses tried to lift me in the chair, I just kept repeating over and over " I want my Auntie back, I want my Auntie back".
I got up out of the chair and rushed back into her room by her side. I watched as my brother dropped to the ground in tears then angrily got up and went out of the room shouting "they kill my Auntie". The pain built up in my chest as I squeezed my Aunt's hand and cried over her. Her lifeless body laid there as each of her family members stood over her with tears in their eyes. My Grand mother, her sister stood over her bed as she just looked at her shaking her head. She couldn't believe her one and only sister, let alone her baby sister at it had left her . My Grammy is the type of person that would fight back tears if she had to but is also the type of person that would break down behind close doors. I admire both my aunt and Grand mother for always teaching us how to be tough. I watched my Auntie many days fought back tears while laying in that hospital bed and it hurt me so much to know I couldn't do anything for her but make her comfortable while she was there. I miss her so much that no matter how much stories I tell about her, or how many memories I look back on, it could never erase the pain or fill the empty void left in my heart. My aunt was like my second mom. In fact she was my second mom. When ever things didn't go right with my mom, I would always go to my aunt. We would always sit down and talk about the little things in life.  No one knew the type of bond we shared but we had a little secret that I would always hold dare to my heart. All of the memories we shared would definitely not go in vain. Although she's not here for me to love her unconditionally, I will always hold that spot for her in my heart. She is gone in the flesh but forever on my heart. My sweet Angel.