Memories my aunt left behind

Not Good Bye but See You Later

As I bring this book to a final chapter, I will say this, The love I had for my Grand Aunt goes beyond any love. In fact, I held the same amount I had for my mom for my Grand Aunt. It was an honor to have let you all in on the life of a special gem. 

Today is the 24th of October, 2017. It has been a year and one month and I still cry up to this day. The feeling won't ever go away and that's what happens when someone comes into your life and makes an impact on your life. She not only encouraged me to do better but she also molded me and taught me how to be an independent young lady. If with my last breath, I will make her proud. I will never forget her gentle bright smile, her gray cat eyes or her nice warm touch. I so desperately wish that I could have her back in my arms but I know for a fact that we'll meet at the pearly white gates of heaven. That would be the day that we rejoice and jump into each other's arms. 

You can pray blessings and protection over your family each day;I know because I did but everyone, one day, will slip away. My aunt left memories with me and I am so glad to be able to say I have something to look back on. From the stories she told, to her ridiculous laugh when she told jokes will be deeply missed but never forgotten. 

I am forever grateful to have had her in my life for 21 years. Although 21 years might not have been enough for me, they were great years. 

I would never forget the day we were suppose to view my aunt's body at the funeral home. I remembered how eager I was to see her precious face again because the last time I saw it was at the hospital. I was scared that if I didn't see it soon enough that I would forget how she looked. I walked into the funeral home and there it was. The coffin she laid in was white trimmed with yellow and it just stood out like a heavenly glow.If I haven't yet mentioned, Yellow was her favorite color. I walked over to the coffin and laid my hands upon hers. Nothing was the same. Her hands were hard, her face was a dull color and her body was just flat. It wasn't her anymore, it was just a body she borrowed and was then returning. I gave her one last kiss and stepped away from the coffin. I couldn't believe that days after would've been the last time I would  see her beautiful pale face so I cherished it.

I never imagine losing my Grand Aunt at 54 years old. My Grand Aunt was so full of life until every bit of life was snatched right from under her. She was such a phenomenal woman, so independent and always striving for what she wanted in life. I can't believe the lady who inspired me in so many ways , one who never gave up on me and showed me what it was to give and not look for anything in return left me. 

I remember back on my 20th birthday, I wanted to be surrounded by my family and just have fun but everything didn't go as planned. I remember being upset with my mom and my aunt was trying to calm me down. I told her don't worry about it and that I just needed to go for a walk. She didn't approve of me walking the road alone but I went anyway. Everyone knows what its like to be steamed up and not wanting to be calm. I walked down by the park to blow off some steam and in a few hours I got a call from my aunt asking where I was. I told her am fine and hung up the phone.  Right after hanging up she called again asking to go for a drive and I told her once again that I was fine and to not worry about it. Right after hanging up the phone and a few phone calls after, she met me at the park in her car. She looked at me and said "Lets go shante'" I said Auntie go home ill be fine. I walked home and she drove her car near me and followed me home. What i'll do to see her name slide across my phone screen one more time. What I'd do to hear her voice on the other end of my phone. I'd do anything to hear her say "lets go shante'" one more time. I would do anything to go for one more drive with her if its just to go for a drive by Grammy. If it's just to get the mail from the post office i'd be happy or to just go to the food store for her one more time.

1 year, 1 month and a few days feels like a long time to me. I just wish that I could have one more moment with her, one more memory, one more glance into her eyes. I wish that we could be right back into her car, pulling up in the yard and waiting for the music to be over to get out. I wish that we could be in her kitchen again. Ill watch her bake and she would tell me just exactly how she learned how to bake . I wish that we could be right back in her bed room watching Scandal or one of her favorite shows. I wish that I could go to her one more time and talk about the little things that we use to talk about. I remember how she would talk about her job, her ex or just me. I wish that I could hear her say how I'm so sweet and helpful or how I was my mother's shadow. I wish I could just hear her say anything at this moment. 

Losing someone isn't the hardest thing in life, its missing them what breaks you down inside. Not being able to hear, see, or feel their touch anymore is the hardest of it all. Not being able to call on them when you want to , or being able to just go to them for a simple hug anymore. 

What I miss most about my aunt was that at any hour of the day when you call on her she would come. In any situation she would be there.  I really and truly miss her so much that if I could, I would have her right back by my side. 

It's just a sad thing when someone vanishes out of your life. Its hard to not love someone anymore who showed you the true meaning of love. 

Auntie Sandra and Auntie Carolyn you guys will be deeply miss by all who you came in contact with. 

Auntie Carolyn was a bundle of joy. Whenever you came in contact with her she would always have a smile on her face. One thing I would say she never joked about was the education for her kids. Rain, snow, or sunshine she was always sending her kids on their way to school. She would always push her kids to get all of the education they needed . Auntie Carolyn had 4 beautiful kids whom she loved entirely and would've done anything when it came down to them despite any circumstance. Her 4 kids were her bundle of joy and she would always brag about them to everyone she came in contact with . She was really proud of them all.  Its sad to know that 2 beautiful gems left the earth in such a hurry. 

Both ladies played major roles in our family and both were phenomenal ladies. My Grand Aunt and Aunt both strive for what they wanted in life no matter what came in the way. They will definitely be missed. 

Cherish everyone around you while given the chance to because the day and hour could come at any given time. Telling them both how much they were loved was just something I regret but I promised their family showed them. During my Aunt days in the hospital, her family was by her side every step of the way. 

I really miss her that it hurts me every time to even write about her.  Talking about her or remembering her tears me up inside knowing that I wont ever be able to hear her voice anymore or to hear her say how proud she was of us. I'm not ever going to see her name slide across my phone anymore or to see that call come through to my phone to go with her to the store. Ii'm not ever going to be able to ask for advice or to ever hear her call me over to help her bake or to taste her treats. She;s not ever going to be able to see my accomplishments anymore to be able to watch me get married, have my first child or be introduced to the husband she would be proud to see me with. 

Like I said before to love her would be to know her. 9-7-16 and 1-27-17 would never be forgotten! 

Sleep in heavenly peace beautiful angels, your family still sheds tears for you and we'll forever love and miss you both. 

S.B.R && C.R .!.!.