Stay. (Completed!)

Chapter 5: each step we go ..

That day we walked through the forest laughing at every joke made."I'm really sorry about yesterday." He looked down at the ground as he talked. "Don't worry..but I'm a little confused." I said as we kept walking down the wet green grass. "I don't blame you. It's complicated for me too." He breathed in and exhaled the air he had just breathed in. "I mean what are we?" I asked confused. "We?" He paused his sentence and stopped at his tracks. "We are lovers." He said looking straight into my eyes. "So are we in a relationship?" I asked putting my hands in my jacket as the cold weather hit my skin. "No" he simply said. His face changed into a sad expression as he said his word."I don't understand. We both like each other and there is nothing standing in our way so I don't understand the issue here." I shrugged my shoulders as I talked confused. "Actually there is." He said. "What is it. Would you explain because right now I'm really confused and I don't get you." I said raising my hands up in frustration."I love you Charlotte I truly do. But I'm dangerous. Not only me..my whole family." He said getting closer to me as I breathed heavily each step."I just don't want you getting hurt." He said. "Well you're the only one hurting me right now!" I said and walked away. Fast. He surprisingly didn't follow me. I know I was harsh but he has been confusing me so much lately that I don't know what he's saying anymore.i realized I was crying when my tear slid down to my bottom lip. Thinking about him made me cry even more. I wish this could just be easy and it would be simple. I'm just confused I don't know why this is happening. I walked back home to which I saw a note on the coffee table. I walked towards it and picked up the folded paper and unfolded it.

I'm working late today. If you're hungry there's some lasagna in the fridge. I love you.
~mom

I went to my room after knowing that my mom won't be home anytime soon. I'm just going to go grab a snack and head out. I don't know where but I just want to go out. I went to the kitchen and grabbed myself a chocolate bar that was laying on the kitchen counter and walked out the front door to be welcomed by the cold wind that hit against my already frozen skin. As I shivered I closed the door, making sure to lock it before leaving. I checked my phone and it was 2:26 in the afternoon. Already? I walked down the silent street. Listening to the colourful leaves slowly fall on the cold ground. I don't like the cold weather but at this time of the year the trees are so beautiful with all kind of colours. Red. Yellow. Orange. It's all so beautiful. Sometimes it's so tiring when it's all so quite. I like it better when there is loud music that distracts your thoughts and for once let you be you. I always wonder what do people think about me or do the people that love me actually hate me? I just don't get it. Why do we all wonder about what people think but leave out what we think. I sometimes wonder what's the point of caring when people don't even care. When we were all young we used to watch all them animation movies where there were always villains and the good people. We used to always hate the villains. Why?. Because they were always mean to the good people. What we don't know? Is that did you ever wonder that maybe the bad guys are bad for a reason and not because they are jealous? They might be bad because of the good? It could be the good that is turning them to bad without realizing. Some people might not understand this. It's okay. I didn't at first. But everything then got clear every time I thought a little bit of it. Every step I took a car past by. I kept walking. I don't know where I'm going. I'm just going where ever my feet take me. I look up to see that I've reached a gym. It looked pretty cool. Just by looking through the windows I can see that there is a big pool and on the top window some exercise machines and over that it had a what looked like a volley ball court. I decided to go inside and get some information. I need to work out a little. It calms me down.  I need to do something when I got nothing to do instead of going to that forest all the time. I walked into the clear glass doors and walked to the nicely decorated desk in the corner. "Hi how may I help you." The blonde women smiled. "I'd like to know how the gym works and would like to know if I can register?" I asked looking depressed and tired. "Yeah sure. Are you a student?" She asked. "Yes I am" I simply answered. She then gave me the prices of a membership card. Few minutes later another woman came to show me around. It was so big. Not mentioning the smell of sweat everywhere but it was still awesome. The best part of this is the pool. I registered for the membership card and went out. I started walking again against the gravel ground. One thing people don't know about me is well me. Not even my family knows me. Know one really does except for me. The reason. I never showed my true self to other people. Is it because it's hard for me to express myself? Maybe. It might be because I don't know how to be myself in front of people other than myself? Probably. It's easy to see when I'm sad. I can't hide it. Why? Because I care too much. As much as I promise myself to not cry it's impossible because at one point after holding in all of the tears I blow up and they just start dripping down my cheeks. I admit it I'm very weak and emotional. I can't defend myself. Sometimes people say I cry for no reason. I have a reason. They just don't understand. I keep walking as the wind hit my skin making it shiver. Sometimes you arrive at a point in your life that that how many times that you tell yourself that everything will be okay, everything's fine, things will be fine just breath. Those positive thoughts would be useless if you don't believe it. I'm okay. Still walking I suddenly find myself very far from home. I ended up taking the bus. "Hi" I said hopping up on the bus. "Hello" the driver replayed. I gave him a faint smile and took a seat at an empty spot.
Looking out the window as the blurry car lights past by and how the rain drops raced down the window. I finally reached my stop. "Thank you" I said as I walked out the bus. The bus driver smiled and drove off. The rain kept on pouring so I ran to the front door already wet. I walked in unlocking the door. I took off my boots and checked the time by opening my phone. 5:39 pm. Mom will be home in an hour so I just went to my room and changed into some comfortable clothes. I put on my pink pyjamas that had little white sheep on the pants and on the shirt the word relax was written in white. Once I had forgot it at my cousins house when I slept over. Her name was Sam. Which is short for Samantha. She has short dark hair and she wears stylish glasses. She has beautiful brown eyes that sparkle in the sun light. She's really funny and the only person I go to when I'm feeling down. She makes me forget and actually smile. She also has this amazing sister that has ocean blue eyes and brown short hair. Her name is Mona. She's older than us but we still love her. She's amazing. They both are. The time I forgot these pyjamas at her house I was so sad because they were my favourite. But after two months I had forgot about them and then suddenly she came and brought them to me laughing because I had forgotten a lot of stuff. I started brushing my long brown hair standing barefoot on my soft brownish carpet. Looking at the mirror. I braided my hair so it won't get tangled again and washed my face. I never wear make up so I didn't have to worry about removing any make up off my face. My mom always told me to live my age. Never act grown up because when you'll grow older you will dream of the days where you didn't need the make up but still wore it. I went out off my room after hearing the door shut. "Charlie?" I heard my mom yell. "Right here mom" I smiled. She smiled back and went to the kitchen. I followed. "So what did you do?" She asked putting out some tomatoes to make some salad. "I just went out for a walk and found a gym I liked." I shrugged helping her out. "Oh but you don't need to work out in fact no one should if they love their body." She said concerned. "I know mom but I go there for fun. It's my happy place I guess." She laughed. "What's so funny?" I asked. "I've never heard someone that loves to go to the gym." She smiled widely. I smiled with her rolling my eyes. "So how was work?" I asked her. "It's going well." She answered positively. "That's good" I smiled. As she chopped the lettuce and added it to the bowl I hugged her. She hugged me back. We ate and watch a few tv shows and then we decided to go to bed.