Stay. (Completed!)

Chapter 20: break down

I felt used and torn apart, broken but still breathing. Sometimes I regret ever meeting them. Grayson. Blake. They both left at the end after loving me to the truth. I thought everything would be okay after Grayson but it's even more painful than Blake. Sometimes I feel like, if I can just erase a memory, just one, maybe I'll be able to move on. I'm an adult now. High school ended for me followed by love and feelings. Everything went by so fast as if it was a fairy tail. Maybe I was dreaming, maybe it's reality or maybe it's just in my head. I'm living in my imagination but at the same time I'm snapping to reality. My head is blowing up with thoughts that I wish I can forget. When some teenagers break up with their boyfriends they say that they miss them. But are they sure their missing him or are they missing the memories they had. We always think about them when they text us but are they also thinking about us too. Are we meant to be or are we just together for fun. Most guys can't admit to a girl that she's pretty or they like her but sometimes it's good to know the truth. They told me when I was younger that love was magical. But now that I'm actually facing it, it's harder than I thought. Have you ever asked yourself why you get attached to one person and you're never able to let them go? Well I do. Their are many answers for that. The only person that can answer that specific question is..you. Why? Because each of us has a different thought at everything. Their is no specific answer except the one that you choose.

My head spinning with thoughts was on my pillow that was drowning in tears. Tissues were everywhere from all the crying and my hair was a mess. I was a mess. I got up and decided to take a shower. As I walked into the hot steamy water that I felt hitting my cold body. My hair became wet as the hot water drowned me. My face became red from all the tears that strolled down my face. I felt used, played, tricked and I felt like a toy. I was tricked and they both played with my feelings like a poppet on a string. My feelings were controlled. I was controlled.

I stepped out of the shower as I wrapped a towel around my body. I looked at myself in the mirror as I saw a girl that was dead. Not from the outside but from the inside. That moment I just wanted to kill myself. Right there. I started asking myself...

Will I ever find true love?

Have I actually felt true love?

Do I even know what love is?

The truth is that this love story that has been going on these isn't even a love story. It taught me to not trust everyone that I see so fast. It taught me to not get fooled easily. Most importantly it taught me that love doesn't come easily.

I went to my closet as I picked out some comfortable pyjamas that were Grey and white to wear. I laid on my bed as I stared at the roof. I picked up my teddy bear that was also on the side of my bed. I hugged it as I closed my eyes shut tightly. I couldn't help the tears that slid down my cheeks.

High school is over.
No more drama.
No more bullies.
No more victims.
No more detention.

We've made our ways as we grew up.
We graduated high school and now I'm older and more mature. I remembered that my birthday was in a month. The worst part is that I also remembered all the events that Grayson used to plan. He used to bring me 12 white roses and usually he would give me my gift when he takes me out. I looked at my still wrapped up wrist and remembered the bracelet he gifted me last year in the forest. He took me on a picnic but in the forest the exact same one that I used to see Blake at. I looked out my window as I saw the red car lights that were speeding down the road. I sat on the edge of my window and watched the cars as they past by. I raised my head up and stared at the dark sky filled with stars. I remembered this quote at that moment

~There wouldn't be stars without the dark.

I looked at the stars as they shined bright in the dark. They lightened up the sky. My eyes suddenly went down to see someone that I didn't expect to see ever in my life again.

His beautiful dark hair were messy and his hand were in the pockets of his jeans. His leather coat fitted perfectly on his muscular body. He looked right at me as I did the same. The only difference was that my eyes were wide and surprised but he seemed normal like he had been here multiple times.
"Blake" I said his name in a tone that I would be the only one to hear.

I rushed to the front door as I unlocked it. He stood in front of me. Meters away. He looked at me with no emotion. It was like he was brain washed. I felt him staring through my innocent soul. He didn't have the same sweet, innocent and soft way of looking at me. Now it's cold, emotionless, blank. A tear strolled down my cheek as I quickly wiped it away. Hoping he didn't see.

"Is this yours?" He asked holding the bracelet Grayson gave me last year. I looked at it for a few seconds and then answered him.

"No" I lied. I didn't want anything from the past to come in my way anymore.

"Stop lying to yourself Charlie" he said wiggling the bracelet in his finger.

"I'm not lying to myself, Blake. I said it's not mine." I said annoyed, crossing my hands under my chest.

"Your eyes always show worry when you lie. I know you. I know you better than you know yourself." He talked coldly as he smirked.

"Okay! It's mine! I don't want it." I said giving up on the lie.

"Was it that hard to spill the truth?" He said as I just stared at him. "I know you still have feelings for me Charlie. You always did. Always will." He said raising a brow as he smirked. He threw the bracelet as he put his hands back in his front Jean pockets.

"You have a girlfriend." I said.

"True" he said. He then took a step closer.

"Exactly, we were over a long time ago Blake." I said.

"True" he said as he took another step closer.

"Right after you lied to me about having a girlfriend." I said.

"True" he took another step. He was now really close to me and from the way he talked to me and the way he was walking I have to admit I was getting a bit scared. I took a step back as he smirked and put his hand on the door frame while he leaned against it. "Are you scared, Charlie?" He said. Fear was taking over me as he approached into the house.

"What do you want Charlie?" I asked.

"I came to give you your bracelet but you didn't want it so I thought let's have some fun?" My eyes widened at his words as I kept on walking back at every step he took. My back was now against the wall, he pulled my arms and placed them above my head. He held my hands with one arm as he whispered into my ears.

"You're too easy to tease." He said. His hot breath crawling down my neck and giving me shivers.

He let go of my arms and looked at me as he talked.
"Do you really think I want to hurt you." He said. He then picked a strand of my hair as he held it softly but then pulled it while saying. "All I wanted was to tease you." I bit my bottom lip to avoid whimpering and not show my weakness.

He smirked and left the house closing the door behind him. I slid down the wall as I couldn't believe what just happened. I hugged my knees as I cried.