Unfeeling

Seven | Never The Same

Amberley

For a undeniably painful second, I wished Derrick would of taken my feelings away. They were all mixed together, churning violently as they fought for domination. The initial fear of entering Clandestine was drifting away like a leaf in a river, Evan's touch of my arm was sending chills throughout my body, and guilt was eating away at me for making the boy sad. What did this mean? Was I really one of... one of them?

My hands had began shaking again once my temporary confidence had faded away. I still couldn't believe it, I had done something, I had overpowered that pig of a man Derrick Rose and it felt... Good. But whenever I felt a smile creep onto my face, I pushed it down. I had hurt someone, I shouldn't be happy.

"You did him a favor, Amber. It's better to feel sadness than to feel nothing at all," Evan had reassured me. I felt better after his comment. But only slightly. I felt like my father, standing over a crying boy just as he had stood over a crying me countless times before.

"Where are we going?" I asked him as he led me throughout Clandestine. The hallways were all so similar and endless, I would get lost in a second. I don't know how Evan found his way around but he must have been down here for a long times in order to have the layout memorized.

"To dinner and then to bed," he informed. After the incident, Evan had taken me back to his room, to our room. Another bed was placed next Evans and another dresser were filled with many pairs of grey, simple clothes that everyone here wore. I had grabbed another shirt, this one had a slight v-neck and Evan led me to a bathroom a few doors down.

"Go in and clean up, I'll wait for you out here," Evan said before walking into the boys bathroom. I followed his lead and pushed the girls door open. I instantly was greeted with a strong scent of perfume. It reminded me of the ladies at court and how they drowned themselves in it.

The room was big. Straight ahead were about ten lockers, to my left were ten mirrors and to my right were showers and toilets. I walked to the lockers and noticed that they all had names on them. I looked around and noticed that one had temporarily placed tape on it with my "name" written on it. Amber.

I opened the locker which was as big as me and was surprised to find lots of stuff inside of it. There was a bag with deodorant, hairbrush, perfume, toothbrush, toothpaste, feminine products, shampoo and conditioner stuffed inside. There were also two towels on the bottom. I put on some deodorant and perfume after I changed into my clothes. The shirt I had brought was surprisingly revealing and as I brushed my hair and walked out into the hall, I felt the slow fire of self consciousness. I don't feel right... I feel like a harlot.

Evan was leaning against the wall. His hair was tousled, making him look rugged and sexy. Not that I thought he was sexy. His clothes were similar to the ones he was wearing minus Derricks blood stains.

When Evan caught sight of me, his eyes bulged. I shifted uneasily as his eyes racked up and down my body. I felt exposed and vulnerable. There were no big dresses to hide behind here, everything was out in the open. I didn't know if I liked it or not.

"Don't be shy, you look good," Evan admitted. His face looked liked the words physically hurt him. I muttered a thank you, my anxiety rising to record levels. I've never been complimented like that before.

"Common, let's go to dinner," he said staring at me. Before I knew it, he was walking away. I stared at his muscular. Gosh, one minute he acted nice than the next he was walking away from me like I was a virus. It's fine, I was used to it.