Unfeeling

Twelve | Guilty Conscience

Evan
Guilt. Every time I give information to my father, betraying my friends, I never feel guilt. Yet, every night I lay with Amberley, my stomach turns with the foreign feeling.

She trust me, spills her heart to me without expecting anything back. And being the despicable person I am, listen to her stories knowing very well that her home will be destroyed in a few weeks and I will blow this place up.

I can't help but wonder how I will take Clandestine without killing all my friends. Will they suffer?

"Lord have mercy," Eli whispers.

Amberley is wielding a wicked blade, balanced perfectly in her small hand. She swings it, clanging it with her opponents. She has found a knack for sword play in these recent weeks and she has excelled.

I'm still amused remembering the first time I wielded a sword against her. She's changed so much. Two more weeks had passed and she was a new person. She has gained weight and muscle and color had regained in her cheeks. She was more beautiful and confident than ever... if that was even possible.

"She's a badass," he exclaims. I watch her. Her body glistens with sweat and I can't help but feel flustered as her body twists and moves. She slams the blade down, knocking her parters sword to the floor. He looks up at her, shocked.

She smiles. She's been smiling more lately among other things. Her body has filled out, making her curves even more delectable. Her eyes have turned stormy, as if something had been stiring inside her.

"He only let you win!" I call to her. Her gaze snaps to mine and she narrows her eyes. I grin at her.

"Well why don't you come here and test me," she challenges. Her voice has taken on a confidence that seemed to stir the stoniest of people.

I look to Eli and he only shrugs. I know I could beat her, she's only been training a month I'm the best swordsman here, but something tells me that I shouldn't.

"I don't fight girls," I say, crossing my arms. She scowls.

"Huh, because you could lose?"

I tense. I would never lose. Expessially against a little princess. She had some nerve.

"You are confident, what happened to the girl who was scared of her own shadow?" I say. I instantly regret it. A hurt look crosses her face and her eyes lose a little spark. I see a glimpse of the girl I first met and hate it.

"I didn't mean that," I start, walking towards her.

She jerks away and stalks across the training room. I follow, calling apologies.

"Amberley," I call. She doesn't turn around and all I see her her black hair that hangs around her waist. I want to wrap it around my hand and pull her towards me. Maybe I will...

"Not all of us are as confident as you are Evan," she says quietly.

"I know that," I answer.

Amberley stops and turns to me. Her eyes are sad and seemed to be lost in some distant memory. I wish I could read minds, so I could understand what haunts her when she loses focus.

"Joshua came to me today. I got a new class schedule and a new room," she says. My stomach dropped. I had become so accustomed to her shadowing me these few weeks that I couldn't imagine her not in my bed at night. I'm suddenly angry.