Unfeeling

Thirty Four | Who You Are

Amberley
I couldn't breathe. Every step of my horse, every step closer towards my future, I felt my throat constrict.

I should just throw myself from my mare and hope I land on my neck. Nobody would miss me. Nobody would dig me a grave. I stared at the long sword hanging from Taylor's tack.

Even after weeks of training. The sword still felt foreign in my hand. It just felt wrong. I didn't like hurting people.

"Amberley...just relax. This isn't life or death. It's just practice," Evan says with a chuckle.

He's wearing a thin grey tank top that exposes his toned arm and back muscles. I could barely focus with his flexing and flaunting!

"I'm trying!" I say.

Evan grins and holds his sword out in front of him like it's an extension of his arm. I furrow my eyebrows as he circles.

"Stop that!" I exclaim.

"Stop what?" He said innocently.

"Smirking and following me around like a dog!"

Evan chuckles and lunges forward. I shriek as his sword makes contact with mine. My arm jerks and the weapon is flung out of my hand and across the mat.

"Hey!"

He grins and places the tip of his sword against my stomach. "Dead!"

I scowl at the laughs from across the room. I wave dramatically at Eli and Jeff who seem to find something very funny. They are bent over in fits of laughter.

With a scoff, I stalk across the mat and heft my weapon up and back into my hand.

I barely have time to turn before Evans sword is pressed to my stomach again. He reaches forward and slaps mine out of my hand.

"Always be prepared, you never know who's going to be behind you with a blade."

I jut my bottom lip out in a pout. This wasn't even fair! Evan was obviously better than me! Shouldn't I get to spar with someone of my skill?

"You're cute when you pout..." Evan states with a smirk.

I feel heat rush to my cheeks.

To my dismay, my mind had been hit with these flashbacks for the past day. Certain things would trigger it. A golden field that reminded me of Evan's eyes, a joke that Taylor would crack to Alexander reminding me of Jeff, Eli and Jackson's conversations while sitting together in the cafeteria.

I couldn't grieve them or I would break down. They were all dead, buried in Clandestine. I would just forget them until I could rejoin them in the after life.

"What was Clandestine like?" Taylor questions me. Her horse had fallen into step with mine. She eyed me with curiosity.

"I don't really know how to explain it," I answered truthfully. I couldn't really grasp what had happened in the last week. Was Clandestine even real? Was anything even real?

"Explain it one word," she tried.

I shrugged and pondered this. "Cold."