Six: Midnight Kiss

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my best friend i mentioned earlier- em, she was almost the last one out of the closest people to me to find out about my feelings.

it may sound bitchy and all but at first i even thought he may like her more and just talked to me because one of the best ways to get with somebody is to get along with their friends.

but later on my inspective mind came up with another conclusion.

he sees us like a package.

no, not in a bad way. just- we usually have the same answers to questions and do the same strange things even though we are way too different.

and i don't believe he sees us as opposites.

i don't blame him, some teachers even call us sisters sometimes.

so, the same best friend, em, one day dropped this bomb on me.

"you know, i dreamt this strange dream last night- you were waiting by the lockers, james came and kissed you, it got heated..."

...

yup.

poof again.

and for the rest of the day i couldn't get the dream out of my head.

first of all, my friend was thinking about the news way too much, to the point where she even had a dream about it.

second of all, i'm way too insecure for him to even come close to me. when in IT class he looks over my shoulder at the computer i feel like melting but dashing out of my chair at the same time.

i often have these thoughts of how far i'd like to go with my boyfriend  (if my sorry ass ever finds one) and i realised: my boyfriend should be really, i mean really patient, with a mind of steel probably, for me to ever have an intimate relationship with him.

but the more you think, the more you get used to the idea.

sadly, just to the idea, not the actual fact that i'll probably have to kiss someone in my life.

as uncomfortable as it may sound, i want to enjoy it too.

i don't have any thoughts about how i would like for it to happen, no romantic ideas or illusions but still...

i don't care for the roses or time, all i care for is the person and how he'll feel.

his feelings may break me but i'll heal.

you probably have realised already how much of a scared cat i am and i know it too, but i know i'm not alone and that's all that matters.

i dedicate this to all my friends.

you probably won't gonna read this but:
thank you ♡

'Girl

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