You Can Sit With Me

Three: Lemons

human mind is a strange thing.

somehow, i ended up telling my new, althought close, friends that i mainly communicate through messages with- about my crush and my best friend of about five years found out the last.

nonetheless, that got a rock out of my chest and also caused for something strange to happen.

my best friend dreamt of me being  by the lockers, my crush coming to me and kissing me.

i am still alive...i think?

let's set the odds of my friend dreaming this aside and talk about the elephant in the room here.

what do we want out of our crushes?

for the longest time the thought of him even hugging me scared me and i was more than content with watching him from afar and sometimes talking.

but then it turned into something more, later on i cought myself thinking that i wouldn't mind even sharing mu life with him.

however, i had my fair share of negative thoughts too.

there were evenings where i thought it would all be easier if he found someone else and broke my heary, then i wouldn't have to think so much about what i want and am willing to do. everything would be so much easier.

but when the odds of it happening got really realistic, i had no idea what to feel.

it was in literature, when i got stabbed but not really. you know- when you know it's there but you don't actually realise it yet.

we were discussing about a poem where a woman was described as: soft, cheerful, loves dancing tango... and the teacher asked:

"boys, would you really like to have a 'perfect' woman like her?"

silence.

and then my boy raised his hand.

"if you change the tango part into lindihop, then yes, i would like a girl like that."

poof.

a cloud of smoke went through my brain for a split second, my friend/seating partner and i exchanged glances with smirks on our faces.

my best friend and i had the same thought.

that's pretty specific.

and no, it's not me. surprised? i don't think so.

there's just one girl in our class that dances lindihop and she has short hair, cute face, the mind of an intellectual... ironically, her name is the same as my best friend's.

when life gives you lemons, you bake tacos out of them.

but what to do when you get bored of making and just want to let the lemons be?

'Girl