You Can Sit With Me

Nineteen: Why You Talk So Loud

[Not Edited]

honestly, our food in the school cafeteria is horrible, not to mention expencive since it's considered a private one.

also- really noisy.

but somehow my so called 'squad' and i end up there most of the time.

the eight of us sit around this huge table that is seated next to the one that is reserved for teachers only.

that- sometimes causes us to bite our tongues after a hard test or lesson.

but, when half of us are scattered around other school areas because of other business they need to take care of, we sometimes lose shame and loudly complain about life, even when the teachers that teach us are eating behind our backs.

one time, our friend laura, which we haven't talked to in a while since she was in another class, came to chat about the birthday party one of the squad members invited us to.

we discussed what we plan on wearing, complained - again, somehow made it all into a one, huge joke and laughed our bums off at it.

"anyways, how have you been doing lately?" laura asked after we all had calmed down and were just doing something to distract ourselves for the remaining break minutes.

"well, you know, bad, as always - since mothing new happened and i'm just stuck in school with my not working brain." my best friend (the one that knows i like james and was there when he caught up to us on our walk to the stores) - annie, answered.

the rest two and me answered with 'same'.

"what about you, how have you been?" i questioned back.

but her turn was interrupted by her best friend- and also, a member of our group, aura.

she was a noisy one, this one, pecafull (may i add) morning she asked me how things with james were going and urged me to show him that i like him because he's waiting for my reaction/response so he could know if he should act on it.

her talking about that made me extremely uncomfortable and i pray she never brings that up again.

although, that pep talk made me think - nothing new here- about how uncomfortable i feel about all of this and how i should just really forget about it and make it easier for myself and him.

but it didn't happen as you witnessed and i lived in that never emding circle for a while - going back and forth between my decisions.

"by the way, one of you has a thing with this guy in her class, right?" aura voiced her thoughts that, in my opinion, were not needed and came out of nowhere.

everyone kinda got confused and probably thought of me at the same time but said nothing. however, aura didn't need the confirmation, she remembered everything herself.

you see, i made a mistake of showing james' and i messages on facebook in summer when we were sharing our stories because i thought i am really that open and it won't affect me later.

oh boy, i was wrong- it all lead to situations like these. the ones that made me bang my head on the table, run around screaming and run away to live in another country- all at the same time.

"it was you, noah, right?"

i decided that there was no point in lying anyway, since that just would make a huge pink elephant in the room appear and agreed.

"i'm really confused about the whole situation, what happened?"

the whole table was quiet for a few seconds and annie decided to speake up:

"it happened the first time our biology teacher decided to arrange the sitting system herself, she changed it again but then the maths teacher did it too and noah had to sit with james again."

then my other friend opened her mouth.

"it was so cute, i sat on a table behind them in math - he made her speak with him, which she doesn't too with guys. in romance terms - james made her ice heart melt into something warmer."

"that means they should sit together again." aura stated with a smile on her face and an excited clap.

"yeah, that's what i planned to do at the beginning of the year, make noah ask to sit with him...but yeah, that woul've been really akward." the friend that sat with me in maths added.

my eyes casually went to the table next to us, where the maths teacher sat.

oh fuck.

"girls, talk more quietly, please."

wait, what am i even thinking- even if she heard, there's no way she would do something like changing the way we sit again just for the sake of our talk.

hah, no way, really - that doesn't make any sense.

but why do i have this bad feeling and keep on glancing at her?

'Girl