You Can Sit With Me

Nine: Snow

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it started snowing again today. the nights now are brighter so, i'm trying to pretend i got better too.

i feel like everything's too much for me to cope with at the moment, that's why i'm doing what i'm the best at: try to ignore the 'everything'.

i started having regular appointments with my school's psychologist. good things come out of our talks, but bad things do to.

it becomes easier when i get it all into words though. maybe that's why i decided to write all of this, to decide what i want to be.

that's what the psychologist said when i mentioned my problem with communicating with boys.

"you have to know who you want to be, or are, in order to show yourself to others."

and i'm trying.

bit by bit.

but it's cold and it's easy to slip on the ice that now is covering the streets.

i'm afraid of the dangerous things feelings and people that cause them can lure me in.

they can take my hand but they can push me too.

"hey."

i raised my eyes from the table, startled.

"yeah?"

"do you like olives?" james smiled at me.

that warm feeling again.

"what kind of question is that?"

"a simple, yet serious one."

"then... i kind of do? i don't mind them, if they're a part of the meal."

he nodded and went back to his seat because the class was starting.

i later on watched this ted×talks and this woman talked how, if you want to have an interessting conversation with someone, you shouldn't be doing other activities while talking.

i screwed my chance of getting to know him, didn't i?

i blame the nerves, my mind was screaming at me-

DO NOT SAY SOMETHING STUPID.

-and my first instinct was to go and look for something in my backpack while i was answering.

told ya, i overthink way too much.

'Girl