Namjin; Together Forever

Chapter 4 - I'm Scared

"I don't want to go Omma" Jin pouted, his eyes stinging with tears. "Jin you have to go, you can't keep being like this... it's just school!" His mom snapped, seems like he really was too old to be babied now. Jin and Namjoon were thankfully going to the same middle school, but middle school was much bigger in Jin's eyes and the thought of having to start over at a new school haunted him. Moreover, his mom was now mad at him which rarely ever happened, leaving more pressure on his mind. He groaned, looking over his new uniform in the mirror, it wasn't as comfy as his old one and he was almost outgrowing it already; being quite tall for his age. He brushed his hair one more time before picking up his bag and leaving for Namjoon's house, skipping breakfast which was extremely unusual.

He knocked on the door and waited patiently before the younger stumbled through the doorway, blazer half off and a bag dragging at his feet. "Sorry, woke up a bit late" He laughed, Jin swiped his thumb across the top of his lip retrieving what seemed like toast crumbs as Namjoon sheepishly grinned. "You rea- really good umm you look really good today Jin!" Namjoon stuttered, he knew he wasn't ready and asking him would only upset him more, so he not so smoothly corrected himself. "Oh um thanks.. You too if you wouldn't have had that toast on your face" Namjoon laughed, pulling his bag back across his shoulder as they made their way down to the bus stop.

Buses alone made Jin anxious, the thought of so many people in one confined space, what if he was to trip and everyone laughed at him? Or if the bus didn't stop at the right stop? Namjoon started talking again, as they waited for the bus, to distract him. By the time the long bus journey was over - which in real time lasted about ten minutes - they both made their way to the front of the school. Thankfully, Jin made it through the first doors without panicking, but as they were assigned their homeroom and began walking again, Jin noticed how many people were around. He felt as if all eyes were on him, making his palms sweat.

Then they saw through the window of their room how much bigger the other boys were, even the girls intimidated him. "Joonie I can't do this" He whined, about to cry, "Awh man.. Uh.. Look it's going to be alright okay? Just one step at a time okay?" He nodded, taking a deep breath. He reached out his hand and grasped Namjoon's almost forcefully, he couldn't reject him and so held him back. "Alright, let's go" Jin's grip tightened as they pushed the door open. By the looks of things, the teacher had not arrived yet and so the children were all just gossiping, sharing stories and what not. Though one boy had noticed the two's arrival and quite nicely decided to shout "Yah those two are being gay!" Since he caught sight of their locked hands.

This was Jin's worse nightmare; being in a place where he couldn't escape and with everyone's eyes on him, watching his every move. He closed his eyes to hide his tears, knowing he would panic any second. He glimpsed at Namjoon, though he simply let go of his hand and yelled back, "Yah I'm not gay! That's gross I like girls, dude!" It was as if time stopped for Jin. Did Namjoon really think that way?  He couldn't help but let one tear fall from his glistening orbs as he tried to hide it, but of course this big bully had to notice. "Well he's gay, look he's even crying! Guys don't cry, idiot!" The rest of the class weren't really on either side of this argument, but since it was amusing to them it seemed as if they were all ganging up on Jin. He felt an attack coming on, breathing heavily as the situation sunk into his head, but he couldn't move to leave the classroom or go and sit down, he was frozen.

Namjoon nudged him trying to get the attention off of them, Jin was his best friend but he didn't want to start the year off being known as "That idiot who might be gay" when Namjoon had known for a while that he was very much interested in girls. "Jin-ah, come on let's go sit down" He whispered tugging his arm. However when he heard the shallow breaths he was taking and saw how his eyes were unfocused, he hurriedly dragged him outside. "Jin! Jin, please calm down.. I'm right here okay?' Just breath, don't pass out!" He tried to say it calmly, but it came out as shaky and worried which clearly he was. Jin had had panic attacks before and Namjoon didn't want him to go into one. He coaxed his hand open and squeezed it firmly, knowing it was the only way.

Jin slowly came back to reality, his head hitting against the wall behind him. "You okay? Do you want to get some water?" "I'm fine" Jin harshly cut him off, wiping his eyes. "Okay.. Well.. Ready to go back inside?" It hurt to even think about it, the stares he would get for having had to go out of the room, the snickering he would hear of people. He wanted to put on a brave face and just do it, but his knees were weak beneath him as he clung to Namjoon. "I don't want.. I'm scared Joonie" he cried, hiding his face in Namjoon's blazer. "I know, I know" he patted his back, eventually soothing him enough to get him into the classroom.

The students weren't as bad as Jin thought, but he could still sense a few stares and whispering. "Namjoon?" "Yeh?" "Please don't tell anyone about this... Not my mom not the teacher.. Please" He whispered, leaving Namjoon worried. He knew he ought to say something so they could help Jin, but he also knew Jin's mother wasn't particularly happy with Jin for his issues and so if I he was to tell he could get taken to some hospital for mental health, or just another school. Namjoon knew he wasn't that bad and didn't want to leave him, so he nodded, knowing he'd probably regret it, but he couldn't betray his best friend.