alone『 kickthestickz + phan au 』

18

Daniel sat in a strange state, half asleep but still very much awake. His eyes were opened wide, trying to focus on the room as his hands clenched and relaxed in a rhythmic fashion. Chris walked over to him; he spoke in a calm voice.
'Hey Dan, you feeling ok?' He asked, trying to ascertain wether his friend was able to respond or even comprehend what was happening.
Dan didn't quite reply in the way he had liked, merely with the mixture of a hum or grunt. The noise seemed to be positive, however, so the two breathed out heavily with relief.
They stood by his side until Dan started to look around the room with more purpose. Finally, he breathed out abruptly and sat up completely straight.
'Chris, PJ, I,' he hesitated, stringing the words together, 'I'm sorry.'

Christopher looked at the other and nodded, accepting the apology and hoping for the future that Dan would come to like the change.
The group sat in silence for a moment or two, while the previously unconscious boy made his way back into full consciousness.
'When I was,' he said, 'not here - in my head,' a pause, 'I saw him. I saw Phil and he said - I'm not sure if he really said it, but -' another pause, Dan's hand came up to his face to wipe away a tear forming, 'he said I have to move on. He said I have to stop worrying about him and continue living. He said I have to stop being the blue boy.'

'He was the blue boy, Dan, you have to be someone different.' PJ spoke poetically and with confidence.
'Throughout our relationship, I've been living in his shadow. Even after his death. I've been so obsessed with Phil and the idea of Phil that it's been so hard to grasp the fact that he's not here anymore.'
'But you need to, it's for the best.'
The no-longer-blue boy nodded, considering the fact that this apartment change was for the best. He breathed in deeply, smelling the scent of wet paint. Dan smiled.
Dan had realised the thing keeping him down, the one thing that had been controlling him for all these months: he wasn't able to accept death and the fact that Phil was gone. Now he understood, and he could continue his life, obviously remembering his late boyfriend, but while still enjoying it and realising that Phil's end was not his own.
He was turning the page, just like the other two had, and, while still remembering the chapters before hand, was able to start a new one.
Daniel was free.