Pain hurts a lot but the pain that comes from your beloved ones hurt unbearably. they say me why do i physically harm myself they say me that i should stop. they ask me how can i harm myself ? and that typical "doesn't that hurt?" is their question but i would like to ask them can't they see that their words hurt far more then the physical cut. i wish i could share, i wish i had someone to listen. someone to understand. i felt a stare on me though i was all alone in the hospital room. this can't be my imagination there has to me someone around me. i can sense someone's presence. i turned around and saw someone staring at me from the crack in the door.the moment i caught him staring he didn't waste any further time and backed off. i couldn't see more as he was hiding his face with a cloth but i surely could see his hazel eyes that matched mine. those eyes looked so familiar. i tried to getup but was betrayed by my weak body plus the drip didn't allow me to move much. it hurts even if i made a slightest movement. not much had passed when a nurse came in and gave me my medicines. the medicine contained sedatives that made me sleep like death.
when i woke up sun was bright, i could feel it's warmth through a crack in the window curtains. when i woke up the first thing i searched for was my mom, where was she? i was expecting her to be here when i get up but she wasn't here. i waited and waited for her to show up and take me home or at least come and see me, but that's not what happened. the bright sun turned into dark night and no one visited my at least not my one from the people i loved. were they punishing me? i did all that to end the suffering but look what happened, this all just added to it and that too immeasurably. i thought maybe after doing this i can actually find peace or maybe at least i could end this guilt but that's not what happened. instead i feel pathetic, i feel miserable, i literally am hating myself at the moment way more than i ever did.
An other day passed and when i woke up the next morning or whatever time it was, i realized that i was unable to move this time not because of the pain or the sedatives but rather because i was tied up and there were machines around me i felt like an alien who was being examined and tested on. after sometime i could hear two people chatting at the other side of the curtains that surrounded my bed. then someone parted the snow colored cutains and made his way to me i guessed him to be doctor as he was wearing a white coat that matched the interior of the room.
"Hey, so your up now? how do you feel?" he interrogated in a slightly surprised but polite tone. and instead of answering i just looked at my tied arms.
"oh this? extremely sorry for this actually we had to go through a few necessary tests n all Nurse let's untie miss Rosselinda" he added with which i was set free.
"when can i go home?" i finally asked i was done with all this i just had to go anywhere but here.
he started examining my reports and finally said what i longed to hear "your reports are fine you can leave today, i'll inform your mother to come and take you back and you can also join your school whenever you like"
with this the doctor and nurse left and i was left with my wondering thoughts. this all just didn't fit well what was all this? what was happening? what sorta tests? i wasn't ill. i just came here because i had excessive blood loss because i tried to commit suicide and no one under goes tests or have to take sedatives for that. something was definitely wrong, but what? i had to find out.
