Fight The Night - A Toru Yamashita FanFiction

Chapter 2 - Ups and Downs

Laura's POV:

After I  stayed in bed for another 30 Minutes, I made myself some oatmeal for breakfast while watching my favourite TV show: Friends.

It maybe a little old for some people but I love it so much, it always puts a smile on my face.

I could even force myself to do a little workout in our living room after that.

Whenever I workout I feel like I'm the strongest Woman on earth like nothing can get me down, when in reality my workouts are probably pathetic to most people, but oh well ... I enjoy them... most of the time at least.

I do a mix between cardio and pilates moves online.

After that I hopped in the shower and did the whole program: exfoliating, shaving everything, washing my hair and all that jazz.

When I got out of the shower I felt like a newborn baby, it was great.

"That's self care right there" I said to myself.

Yes, sometimes I talk to myself when no one is around, don't judge me! I feel like it's very therapeutic.

I still had some time left before I had to get to work, so I texted Toru:

Hope you have a safe flight, already miss you x

" I'm handling this long distance thing quite well" I whispered to myself, but deep down I knew that it wouldnt't stay like that for long. 

Usually the nights are the worst. When I go to bed I'm fine but when I turn off all the lights and my phone ( yes, I turn off my phone at night, call me weird ) my mind starts to wander and I doubt my whole existence. 

A few nights ago my mind started to tell my that I would never be a good enough make-up artist to ever do something bigger than these little TV shows I'm doing at the moment. How could anyone like me who's so introverted and ordinary make it in this big world? My work isn't even that good so just give up and go back to your little pathetic hometown. 

The worst part was that it didn't stop there. My mind started to convince me that Toru didn't even love me, that he was pretending to like me all this time, because how could someone like him love someone like me? I should stop being so ridiculous and just face the facts:

He is the handsome guitarist of one of the most successful rock bands to ever come out of Japan, while I am just a little german girl who's obsessed with makeup. He could have any woman he wanted.

Why does he even bother being with me? Why didn't he just leave me when he realized I'm just an insignificant little girl?

I couldn't get rid of that thought all day even at work. 

...

When I got home from work at 3am that night I had a text from Toru:

Landed safely, we already saw a bit of Manchester, call you tomorrow? Love you x

I thought to myself that maybe it would be best if I told him about my thoughts. But how would he react? He would probably think that I was depressed now and no guy like him would like to be with a girl that's depressed, that would be the end for us, I just knew, so I decided against telling him.

... 

That night I didn't sleep at all because my mind went to dark places.

I tried fighting it but my thoughts got darker. That was the first time I cried because I couldn't take it anymore. It was all a bit too much and I was so tired... of everything.

Then a weird thought crossed my mind: Wouldn't it be best if I broke up with him? It definitely would be best for him as he didn't have to worry about a girlfriend at home anymore.

And maybe I was going to get better as well...

...

I got out of bed at 12pm, I had to be at work at 12.30.

I couldn't concentrate on anything, all I seemed to think about was why I should break up with Toru. Although I really did love him, something inside me convinced me more and more to end things with him because I was not good enough for him... I never was.

...

When Toru called I was on my break outside the studio listening to some Twenty One Pilots songs.

"Hey babe, how are you?" He asked.

"I'm good ", I lied, "How was your day? How is everyone?"

"I'm super tired because we've been shooting for the music video since 5 am, there's still so much to do. But I'm super excited for it" He explained. I could hear the enthusiasm in his voice and Taka screaming something in Japanese in the background.

"That's nice to hear... wait what's the time difference again?" I wondered.

"I think it's 9 hours." He said.

"Oh ok..." We both went silent for a few moments, I think he noticed that something was wrong but he didnt't ask.

"I miss you..." He quietly said instead.

"I miss you too", I replied, "I'm gonna be so happy when you're back."

"Me too. I'll be home on sunday afternoon, if everything goes well... Oh ehm I have to go, we have to do another scene now, but have good night, bye baby" He said in a rush and hung up the phone.

I couldn't even say Goodbye... And we didn't say I love you.

Even if it wasn't a big deal at all my thoughts we're stuck to it for the rest of the night.

...

When I got home from work I went straight to bed and that night I had one nightmare after the other.