ALEX

THOUGHTS

Alex is not himself. He hasn't been himself for a while, he's lost his job. He's been late on a few payments to the point where he is out of a home and relies on my couch for shelter.

I always bring up the fact that he is more than welcome to sleep in my bed, but he always refuses. I just don't understand what is bothering him, my home is his home. We are a team yet Alex distance himself from me and leaves when he wants to and returns when he decides to.

So, in the middle of the night when he's exhausted himself from the world I find myself hearing his footsteps steer towards my bedroom, where he sneaks underneath the sheets and drowns himself to sleep.

Some nights he smells of alcohol and other nights he reeks of depression. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

"Good morning love," I smile as I lean over to kiss him on the forehead as he lay there on his back.

Alex says nothing and instead looks at me and grins.

He rolls over to his side where his back faces me, the immense circular tribal tattoo that rest between his shoulder blades grabs my attention as he stands to his feet, allowing the spreadsheets to slide off his body. Alex is naked in front of me like usual as he marches out of the bedroom and down to the living room where most of his clothes lay scattered on my floor.

"No need to wait up for me tonight, I'm not coming home," I can hear from down the hall as he shuffles around while trying to put his clothes on.

I'm not surprised by it all, it's not his first time doing so. I lay back in bed facing the ceiling wondering how things went down the drain between us. If by some chance I am able to get him a job then maybe he'll go back to being normal.

I roll to my side where my phone sits on the nightstand. I reach over to grab it with the intents to make amends, as Kit runs through my head.

"Alex," I shout hoping that he'd at least come back in the room to kiss me goodbye, but he doesn't respond. I hear the front door shut before I can call his name once more.

I look back at my phone and hover my fingers against the glass screen where in my contact log, Kit's name appears.

Just by reading his name my heart begins to race uncontrollably.

"Hello?"

I must have unconsciously touched his name on my phone because all of the sudden I am gasping for air as I hold my breath in hoping that out of frustration that he'd hang up. But, he doesn't so I lay there for another minute pondering on what to say.

The last time I saw him was at my little brother's birthday last month. I wonder how he's doing these days.

"Kit," I finally muster up the courage to breathe.

I can tell that he must be at work from the constant hammering in the background. Hell, I'm surprised that he picked up my phone call.

"Yes, is everything alright," he questions me.

I shut my eyes momentarily trying to find the right words to say, but the thought slips my lips as I sigh instead.

"Yeah everything is fine, is it alright that we talk," I ask.

But there is a pause. He's probably wondering why I am even bothering him.

"Look I'm busy, I can't talk right now," he clears his throat before taking another deep breath in.

I can sense that he is just seconds away from hanging up when I suddenly shout, " I need you!"

I bite down on my tongue quickly regretting ever saying that out loud. I was never good at keeping my thoughts in my head.

Kit doesn't know what to say so instead we remain silent for another three minutes before suddenly I break the silence by mentioning that I want to meet with him face to face.

"Well you know where to find me," he says as he says his goodbyes and hangs up.

The tension in my chest suppresses after he hangs up, I can't believe that I finally had a moment to talk to him over the phone. Months of trying to reconcile had finally led to this, he's finally picked up.

Now I wonder what thoughts....are running through his head.