ALEX

GRAVITY

Andrew has invited me to an outing that I myself was not prepared for as I fiddle my fingers around from underneath the table as I watch everyone in the room enjoying the moment. I am miserable. This is the first time in my life that I can admit to being able to wear misery so fashionably well. Andrew sits right next to me with Elliot of course by his side as they raise their wine glass in the air preparing themselves to toast to Kit's engagement.

Why am I here?

The weight of the world is pulling me down into my chair as I can't find the strength to reach over and grab my wine glass. I want to run away. I want to cry, but I hold all that is in me and fight the urge to do so.

I can feel Andrew's elbow poking into my rib cage as he signals me to raise my glass. Quickly I reach over and grab the damn glass as eyes stare me down in curiosity. Leave it to me to turn a simple moment into an awkward one.

"Congratulations to you and Molly, I wish the best for your futures," Andrew toasts.

Everyone is so damn happy smiling about as they kiss their wine glass amongst another before taking a sip. I can't even put my arms back down as it remains in the air. I don't know why I can't seem to move. I can't control my body as I sit there like an idiot still trapped in a moment in time.

Blood no longer pulsates through my veins as I feel Andrew's hands gently touch mine in order to assist me in my effort of trying to put my wine glass down. I am not myself anymore and I think that my little brother can sense it. Of course, he blames Alex for stirring me up emotionally but the truth is that, I did this to myself.

I've gotten myself to this point where I just don't know how to not be here anymore. It's like i've lost the will to live, like I've lost all hope.

Alex isn't here, he's distance himself from me ever since Kit has bailed him out of jail. Yeah, I said it. Kit has bailed Alex out of jail because I sure in hell wasn't going to waste my time doing so.

Why does it hurt to breathe, why does it hurt so much? I am emotionally drained. And there's no way that I can hide how I feel from showing on my face as Edith who sits in front of me watches carefully as I push my chair back in order to leave.

"Congratulations," I bow my head as I step away from the table.

Kit watches as I leave the restaurant and head outdoors to the frigid night air. I take my first breath as I face the moon and the falling snow. Time stands still for a second as I look down the moment I hear Alex's voice.

"Having a rough night," he grins as he sits on the front hood of my car.

What is he doing here? How did he even find me?

I bite down on my lips and march my way to the car where I unlock the doors. I ignore his presence and shut the door behind me. I watch as Alex slides off the hood of my car and stands near my door expecting me to let him in. I've allowed this man to slide his way into my life countless of times and still he finds a way to always march out.

I can no longer drag him around expecting a change. I've come to term that he isn't the man that I've fallen for. I've dropped my world for him in order to make things work, I've put my life aside trying to fit him in when all along he never belonged.

Slowly I whine my window down to get a glimpse of his face. "Three months and now you're here," I ask him.

We both know that this topic was bound to rise up as I can feel the brewing tension between us. I don't think that he realizes how hurt I am, and from that along I begin to think back on how Kit felt when I just disappeared for weeks end without telling him how I was.

Kit is right, you never leave the ones you love, you never turn you back on them. So does this mean that I never loved him in the first place?

"I'm sorry, I just needed some space. I needed time to wrap my thoughts around us and around your ex-boyfriend. I never wanted to work for him, I just did it to make you happy," Alex vents as he shivers.

And happy I was for a few months until Alex finally lost it and attacked Kit.

"Come on we both know that you volunteered me to work with him in order to be around the man," Alex babbles on as he leans over to my window.

Those eyes.

God, I can see the constellations in those eyes as they wheel me in.

Alex is right. As much as I denied it, I volunteered him to work with Kit in order to see him. I am so conflicted in my emotions that I find myself pushing the door to my car open, sending Alex to the floor.

"Stay the hell away from me," I yell, I can't believe that I'm saying this but I'm through.

Alex smirks as he stands back up to his feet.

"Sure," he mumbles as he turns his back to me and walks off into the night.

My hands are shaking uncontrollably. I can't believe that I've finally cut my umbilical cord from Alex. A surge of energy shoots up my spine where for a second I am left paralyzed as I stand there outside of the small restaurant watching as Kit and his new love, Molly, kiss.

I wonder if I was just a hobby that he picked up on the side as he waited for Molly to show up in his life. I wonder if he were truly mine when we were together because I still can't believe that he's moved on so quickly. He's got himself a fiancé now in matters of months after we've part ways.

Now, I've got nothing. No strength, no courage, no hope, no one.

It is just gravity and I as I feel its weight pull me further down into despair.

Gravity and I.