ALEX

HELLO

Home sweet home. Not really but I have nowhere else in this world to be but here. In this cathedral surrounded by statues and candles and the little bit of humanity that I have left as I sit way in the back of the church staring at Andrew and Elliot. Apparently, the wedding is in two weeks but Elliot wants to rehearse way ahead of schedule. I don't blame her for thinking ahead, I can only imagine how stressed she could be.

From way back here I can see my mother and father and the in-laws. It must have been a very long and stressful day because I can see it on everyone's face the utter misery that they are in. The bride's maids sit quietly on the left side of the church while the groom's rat pack sit on the opposite end. A violinist stands near the altar where the organ is, while the priest stands in the center.

Elliot is excited of course probably because she can just picture her wedding day going perfectly smooth in her head. And I hope that it does, but still, you can see the butterflies in her eyes as she lits up the moment the priest goes over the wedding ceremony. God, I am happy to see those two together, not matter how much I'd hate to admit it.

Andrew couldn't have found someone better than Elliot. She really does complete him.

I've sat in the back pews for the past hour watching as the rehearsal drags on for another thirty minutes. No one has ever noticed me sitting there observing from afar and I don't think that I mind it bit.

I'd be a liar if I didn't admit to being completely nervous about the matter. I know that my parents out of everyone are curious to find out how I'm doing, I haven't talked to them in so long.

"Barbara," I hear from the disperse crowd, oh great, it is Edith.

Oh how much I've missed her, not. Not one bit, but seeing her here only means one thing. Kit will soon enough spot me as well along with everybody else.

I can feel myself sinking further into my seat as Andrew's eyes search for me. So much for surprising him.

"Hey sis," Andrew shouts as I see him sprint to me with arms wide open.

I just can't at the moment with all of this attention that I'm grabbing. I just feel so out of place and out of touch with time. Everyone looks so happy and healthy while I on the other look like I've dragged a pile of rubbish with me to the gates of hell and back.

"Look at you, have you lost some weight," Andrew asks as he hugs me.

I say nothing as just embrace as my eyes wander to my mother and father who also make their way to the back of the church.

"Andrew stop it, she looks just fine," Elliot pats Andrew on the back and winks at me. I don't think that I will ever get comfortable with Elliot being so nice to me.

By now I am surrounded by family and friends. Barricaded amongst questions and peculiar stares I find myself sinking. My chest is tightening and my heart is racing uncontrollably, I think that I am having an anxiety attack.

"Where have you been, how have you been. What have you been up too, how is life? Have you talked to Chris, how is Chris doing? Are you alright, why haven't you kept in touch?"

The questions are endless, and as I remain there pondering over which ones to answer first, I find my eyes skipping to the front bench of the church where I see Kit.

To be honest, the moment I stepped inside of this cathedral the first person I noticed was him. Yeah, my eyes skimmed for Molly who sat with the bride's maids but she was the least of my concerns. She may have everyone fooled but I know that she's a nut basket.

"I bet losing the baby was hard on you, poor thing."

I've somehow managed to tune everyone out and remain calm although deep down I was having a panic attack. I think that Andrew and my folks could see how uneasy I was so they broke off the small welcome committee and steered me out of the church quickly.

"Aren't you going to say anything," Andrew asks as he looks at me with curious eyes.

Elliot who stands near him stare also.

By now my mom and dad have learned to give me space and allow me to collect my thoughts, so they just smile as we march to the parking lot. Andrew though is different, he always searches for an answer.

"Hello," I finally whisper.

Hello....