ALEX

GO

I'd like to think that Mathew is the heir to a wealthy family. I'd like to believe that he has an older brother and that he's been cast off to the country side to live the rest of his days singing to his live stocks. There isn't much that I know about him besides the mystery that is him but as I sit here watching from a distance as he sings to his live stocks, I pick up my laptop and type away. I've got to write down how I feel, I've got to vent.

I don't log in my journal like I used too. Not much has happened here ever since I've arrived to this town. My neighbor is my part-time shrink and oddly enough he finds interest in me. It seems like every guy that I meet finds interest in me.

This is insane. Why is this happening to me out of all people?

Just the other day I've managed to muster up enough courage to talk to Andrew. It seems that he's popped the question to Elliot and now she is going to be part of the family. Even Elliot is being nice to me, she's been dying to talk on the phone with me, and the moment that she got the chance to, we talked for hours. I guess she feels sorry for me. Probably wondering where I vanished off too in order to rot away.

I take a deep sigh and just stare at my computer screen.

There is a knock at the door.

It is Mathew, I bet.

He comes by in the mornings with a pint of milk for me. He even has goat cheese that he makes from an old family recipe. I think that he knows that I'm broken and in need of a friend because he's tried many times to convince me to travel back to what I've been running away from.

"Thank-you," I smile as I answer the door in order to grab the pint of milk and goat cheese.

"Still working on that book," he points out as he stares at my laptop.

I nod my head yes. "I am still trying to figure out if you have any siblings," I answer as I welcome him in.

Mathew looks over his shoulders. He giggles to himself and takes a seat next to my laptop on an old rugged couch that I bought in a hand me down shop in town. He's amazed that I am still trying to figure out about his past.

"Is that so, well I have a younger brother by the name of Daren. He's married though to my ex," Mathew answers truthfully.

Ouch, I know the feeling. The one that got away from me is now married to some mad woman who hates my guts. I think if Molly wanted to kill me she could have long ago.

"And what is this book called," Mathew asks.

I say nothing. I don't know what its called, it's just a diary really, nothing good to read.

"Well after you publish this book you should head home to your family. It's never good to run away from your problems," he bobs his head side to side, I can tell that he's not in a good mood.

"Is that what you want, you want me to leave, you want me to go back to the man that I left behind. To the brother that I lied too, to the ex-lovers who I can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try," I sigh, and look into his big green eyes.

I can't lie and say that I haven't noticed how Mathew stares at me sometimes. I don't think that he's aware of how his eyes follow me or undress my garments. The man likes me and I've tried everything to avoid leading him on.

"Is that what you want," I ask once more.

Mathew says nothing.

I've been in this town officially for almost a year. It's crazy how time flies when I am not logging anything in my journal.

"Well, hiding in this house writing fairy tale stories to an audience who can't see the hurt and pain that you are going through is not a solution," Mathew responds finally.

He is right.

But I have nothing to go back too.

"Is that what you want, for me to go," I ask once more, hoping that he'd find a reason to change my mind.

Mathew steps closer. "No, I don't want you to leave but I don't like seeing you like this," he reaches his hands out to my cheek where he caresses them.

"So go back to the lover that you've left, go back to the brother you've lied too, get rid of your ex-lovers who suffocate you and be happy," he kisses my forehead. From his touch alone I can tell that he's grown attached to me.

But I don't want to go. I think by now everyone has moved on with their lives. I don't have anyone to go back too and apologize about ruining their lives.

"Just go," Mathew sighs as he leans forward even more and kisses my lips.

Why does his kiss hurt?

Quickly I pull away. This isn't right. I am not about to go through another rollercoaster ride with somebody else's heart.

"Ok, I'll go," I whisper.

I'll go.