ALEX

DEEP

I hide myself away from his view as I watch from a distance as he speaks to a few co-workers. I remember standing in this very spot facing him the day he chose to end our relationship. I remember seeing the hurt buried deep within his eyes as he covered it up with sheer rage.

And now here I am in the very same spot hiding like a coward begging for a moment of his time. He has no idea that I am there analyzing his every move and admiring his leadership as he pats a few workers on their back for doing a fantastic job on their tasks.

God, he's beautiful as I nibble on my bottom lips hoping that he would not be able to hear my heart race from where I stood. I am afraid. I am afraid of facing him. I am afraid that in front of everyone he'll catch a fit and have me escorted out. He is not that type of guy, but I am still afraid. My fear gets the better judgment of mind as I pace side to side trying to convince myself that I am more than able to take the first step forward.

"Can I help you miss," an older gentleman questions me as he taps on my shoulders.

I am startled by him and find myself screaming at the top of my lungs. If that wasn't bad enough, the entire room is now staring at me. Kit crosses his arms over his chest as the boisterous smile on his face disappears the moment he sees me.

I just want to run for the exit way as I feel my knees buckle. My hands are shaking while I can feel a bead of sweat shimmy along my cheeks. "I am going to pass out." I think to myself, and its official I am going down in style. Not only I am going down in style but I am going down as a creeper since my cover was all blown by an old decrepit man.

"Oh my, miss would you like some water," the gentleman asks noticing that my face has gone red and somehow along the way has turned to blue the moment I had forgotten to take a breath.

My eyes begin to intertwine to the sight of Kit, who slowly makes his way up to me. I don't know what to say, I can't think for myself at the moment. For some odd reason my ears begin to pick every single little sound possible, like the old rustic clock up on the wall across the room, to the sound of the ventilation within the room.

I can't focus! I can focus. No I can't focus, what am I saying to myself.

He is not a feet away from me, oh no, he is. He is not standing in front of me. I refuse to believe that time has slowed down in order to torture me within his presence.

My stomach is churching, I can feel my intestines fighting with another as the scent of Kit marches its way up to my nose. My heart stops beating. He is in front of me, no doubt about it. But, I just don't know what to say.

"Barbara," he whispers with surprise.

He's just as shocked as I am that I've shown up without telling him so.

"Well you know where to find me." I remember him clearly stating that, and I did find him. It's not like he was ever lost, but why do I feel lost, almost out of place as I stand here scared half to death.

"Is everything ok," he asks. Those dark eyes of his have gone from being bewildered to utter concern.

The second hand is ticking seemingly as I watch him reach his hands out to touch my arms. I can't move, even if I wanted too.

I don't know what to do and like an idiot I find myself standing there cluttered in my thoughts pondering if I should speak or not.

"No." I finally speak as I hear my heartbeat once more.

I'm alive! I'm actually alive, but what...did I just say no?

Did I just admit to not being alright?

"What's wrong," he pesters on, as I feel his firm hands grab on to me.

He is so close to the point that our heads are about to bud into another as he approaches even closer.

I just can't think right now. He is so close, he is breathing me in as I am doing just the same too him. Every memory of him is flooding through like a bad dream and I find myself wanting to emerge from the fantasy that is him, from the fantasy of what used to be, us.

He's buried himself so deep into my soul that it has taken me but a few minutes to realize just how much he meant to me. It took me just a few minutes to realize just how I fast I let him go and just how fast I was willing to run away.

I am ashamed.

And so instead of telling him the truth of what's been really bothering me all of these months, I end up shutting down.

"Alex hans't been himself lately, he's lost his job and I was hoping that maybe he'd be able to work here," I speak softly hoping that he'd miss my stupid suggestion.

I can't believe that I just asked my ex-lover to offer Alex a job. I'm pretty sure that he's shocked himself, seeing to how I left him for Alex.

My eyes fall to the floor quickly out of fear of what he'll say to me. Some nerves I have to interrupt him like this at his work place.

"Sure, just have him come on by. We do need the extra hand," Kit answers quickly as he takes a step back.

My eyes jump back up to his view where I can't seem to break free from his gaze. I am still puzzled by this moment as I replay the scene back in my head.

Did he just say sure?

"Th-thank-you," I stutter as I try hard to hold back my tears.

I have officially lost my mind. I don't think that Alex will even approve of this.

"Just have him come on by tomorrow morning. I'll have a few things set up for him, and the guys here won't mind showing him around." Kit points to the group of guys behind him.

What did I just do, what did I just do.

I went for a full plunge head first where now I find myself tied down by an absurd commitment that has me drowning deep in my misery. The only one that seems to be okay with it all is Kit, because by the look on my face he could tell that I had just realized that I had asked him to do.