Stories Of My Life

Some things about myself

    So these are some things about myself well first of all I'm a identical twin sister my twin is 30 to 45 second younger than me and we've been inseparable since birth though she really gets on my nerves sometimes. I have been playing piano for about 8 or 9 years I'm not very good with a lot of songs but some song I'm really good at playing. I'm depressed suicidal and self harm well I've been depressed for about a year I became depress after some things happen to my twin and then that led to worse things but I've been self harming for about 1/2 a year mostly cutting but I've self harmed in other ways this is something I struggle really hard with especially since I'm depressed and that led to me having suicidal thoughts and actions I've tried to kill myself 13 times mostly trying to overdose I feel really gross every time cause I never take enough medicine and these things got worse after my boyfriend I'm going to call him Chase this isn't his really name but if you know me you'd know his really name but he would forcefully touch kiss me and hug me and I don't like it so I left him but I still see him around school everyday. I should've listened to the freakin dog! But that makes me really sad and cut but I also get really stressed some times cause I'm bisexual if you don't know what that mean it means you like both genders I also tend to feel alone cause my friends cause one of my best friends is doing online school and one of my other best friends doesn't have lunch with me so we don't see much of each other at school and if any of you don't know what self harm is its when you hurt yourself even though you know it'll hurt anything that hurts even if it's don't cause damage is self harm like brushing a knot out of your hair but it's considered more of self harm when it causes scars like cutting heavily drinking smoking burning picking scratching pulling out hair beating yourself up really the only difference between drinking or smoking and cutting is the amount of visible damage cutting you can see the scars drinking or smoking you can't see how much it's really hurting you. Some of you are probably thinking why would someone self harm its usually cause there bullied or are abused and it can make them feel like there alive and can feel something other than emotional pain and sometimes it's to burry there emotional pain with physical. And other people might say why do people keep doing it even when things get better it's cause after awhile it can become like an addiction just like smoking or drinking I can't explain what it does to your brain but it released hormones that you feel like you need and it causes you to keep cutting or self harming it can go on like that for years actually 1 out of seven people have will or are seriously self harming most likely cutting and it usually starts in there teens until there an adult cause they usually don't tell anyone or get help cause they don't want to be judged or be called crazy or bullied even more so they keep it to themselves. I hid it for months until I told the person I liked he didn't really take it seriously but I decided to tell my two best friends it didn't freak them out they took it pretty well but it did emotionally hurt them especially Max I've known her for years and then one day I showed her all the cuts and scars on my arms. And self harming can actually quickly get worse one wrong slip and you'll keep going deeper and deeper until it kills you cause you hit a vain or do something that kills you. SO DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AS ME AND HUNDREDS OF OTHER GIRLS AND BOYS DON'T CUT YOURSELF OR SELF HARM OR TRY AN KILL YOURSELF CAUSE ITS NOT WORTH IT IN THE END! I also do karate I've stopped for awhile cause I'm stupor busy with other things but I'm going to start again soon it's so fun to do karate esipally if there's a friend in the same class as you or someone you hate the only time you can actually hurt someone fitting karate practice but you have chest pads gloves head gear and tooth grads on to protect you but it's fun cause you can hit the person your sparing pretty much as hard as you can sadly I've only spared twice now they have a rule you can't spare until green belt and I'm only an orange belt first stripe I also like weapon training it's mostly sticks up later on you us knives staffs and other things and btw don't ask if we use numb chucks of those stars you throw cause we don't cause there hard to use and are very very dangerous not only to the person your fight but to yourself as well those star things you throw you'd have to catch them just right in the middle other wise it would alive your hand open so I don't recommended using them we also train a lot in kempo locks punches and kicks kempo are karate moves that you mix with locks to render you enemy pretty much hopeless locks are where you put someone into a positions where you pushing on a pressure point that cause them to easily feel lots of pain some lock they use in police forces and some if you push just a little bit it will snap there bone. I also love singing an drawing either thought I'm not very good at both